Just wanna say “Hi Guys!”

Is there a more irritating phrase than this?

Americans use it for women as well as – well – guys. I particularly loathe it when it appears on a Youtube travel videos. I love travelling so spend a lot of time watching these videos but as soon as I hear some voiceover saying “Hi Guys. I´m in Marseille/Warsaw/Buenos Aires/Shanghai…” I switch off.

I am not a “guy” or part of a group of “guys” and don´t need your phony friendly greeting. I don´t need it in restaurants either when my waitperson puts the plate in front of me and says “There you go guys. Enjoy”

Just fuck off and, oh yeah, have a nice day! Asshole.

Nominated by: Mr Polly 

109 thoughts on “Just wanna say “Hi Guys!”

  1. Guys n dolls, this started with ‘friends’ the popular hit US sitcom about a bunch of down syndrome people who shared a flat in new York and had sex with each other.
    Mate, pal, that ok by me,
    But ‘guy’ or guys seems tepid, piss weak, like something Harry Hewitt or Grant shapps would use.
    A customer called me ‘man’ the other day!
    The fuckin beatnik.
    Its not 60s California and im not Jerry Garcia.
    Get fucked.

  2. An extremely irritating Americanism, right up there with ‘can I get…’, ‘check it out!’, ‘ahhsome!’ and ‘right on dude!’.
    And a load of other fuckers, come to think of it…

    • Americanisation is becoming endemic in our culture and a lot of it is down to YouTube. My 4 year old niece watches American shows on the iPad and her vocabulary is now littered with words like ‘diaper’, ‘pacifier’, ‘closet’ and the worst one of the lot whenever you tell her something she says “I know right”. ‘Hey Guys’ certainly falls into this category too. Fucking grinds my gears! If she was my kid YouTube would be banned

    • CAN I GET? What sort of fucked up language is that! Can I get a pint of wife beater? No fuck off you cunt, I will get it and you can pay for it!

      • It’s the worst I reckon. I was fortunate enough to be in a pub in Devon, when a young couple came in and went up to the bar.
        He said to the landlord “ can I get” to which the landlord said, “ you can get the fuck out of my pub”. Fucking hilarious.

    • My pet peev is when cunts (always young millennials who end every sentence with yaaah!) start a confirmatory sentence with “legit”.

      “Yah, that’s like, legit the only one of those we have left in stock yah!”

      Really grips my shit.

    • Sends me into stroke territory, that, Ron. ‘Can I get…’ yeah, my fist pushing your fucking teeth into the back of your skull.

  3. Awesome😁😁
    I sneeringly say that if the daughter pretends shes American.
    One that hasnt caught on yet is saying something is “neat”
    “Gee Randy that assault rifle sure is neat!”
    Probably will do in time.

    • I don’t think you’ll have a problem with hearing the word “neat”. Margot Kidder’s Lois Lane mocked Clark Kent for using that term in Superman back in 1978. I doubt it’s in much danger of coming back.

  4. It also pisses me off when fratefully upper middle class male presenters on Escape To The Cuntry (one is called Alistair and the other Jules) refer to a couple of middle aged/elderly wimmin as “guys”. It is a phony Americanism.

  5. A word, commonly used by middle class pricks, that really grates on me. Not quite as bad but far more prolific than “movies”. I would happily shoot any cunt who uses that word.
    Here’s another Yank expression i’ve been hearing recently…….”the rona”. (meaning Corona Virus) Fuck off with that shit.
    To be fair the Yanks do a good line in swearing, liberally sprinkled around my vocabulary, the cocksucking motherfuckers!

      • @ Laughing Gravy I know that I have all 7 seasons of Star Trek DS9 because it says so on the DVD cases. I also know that I don’t have any of the series of Red Dwarf because I binned them years ago because I don’t have a VCR anymore.

        I should have kept those VHS cassettes and the VCR because I could have sold them for big bucks to gormless, 20 year old hipsters who think that “Tapes are like, so retro yah! They’re like, even more retro than vinyl yah!”.

        I fucking hate hipsters.

    • Freddie, when I go to bars in America (usually out in the stcks, far away from any touristy areas), I like to talk to American dullards using my most cut-glass English accent and then I get them to buy me drinks in return for insulting their friends in the poshest voice possible.
      ” You, Sir, are a fucking spastic cunt and your parents are brother and sister” all said (to a confused simpleton) like someone from Downton Abbey with a shaven head, huge moustache and wearing a 3 piece suit where the main material is a brightly-coloured parrot print.

    • This is the list of names I’ve heard for Covid-19.

      – The Wu Wan Flu (only realised the other day that it rhymes with Fu Man Chu)
      – The Rinky-Dink Flu
      – The Chink Flu
      – The Chinese Bat Soup Flu
      – The Voldermoort Flu (I invented that one, it’s mine, I’ve TM’d it)
      – The Beer Bug
      – The Lager Lurgy,
      – The Rona
      – The Coof

      I also hear that there is one which killed George Floyd. It has identified as Chauvid-19.

    • They say that but they never say “it never was what it never was” which is an equally moronic tautology. Instead they just say “like, that’s not even a thing??!! (raised inflection included).

    • When some bell end says “guys”, I like to immediately counter with “Hey, you guys,” in my best Sloth from The Gøonies voice and enquire as to whether or not they are a möńg.
      Also, Yöutube people begging you to subscribe at the start of every single video, the needy pricks.
      Lastly, if any Yöutube-on-your-phone cunter doesn’t know, there’s an app called “Yöutube Vanced” which is the Yöutube app with all the ads stripped out. It works perfectly. I’ve used it for years.

  6. When in America and some falsely smiling cock end orders me to “have a nice day”, I like to give them a complete rundown of my itinerary.

  7. Just enjoying Morrison’s crispy pork belly slices. Give a portion to each of the rubber boat gang just before British waters, watch them much and then machine gun the boat.

  8. Yo! I didn’t realise Friends (or Cheers) were supposed to be comedies for years until one of them won a comedy award. “What?” I speculated, having thought they were Drama – like The Bold & The Beautiful only worse. The next time someone turned it on I noticed the canned laughter or larffta or however it’s spelled these days.

    Apart from that, why do people start off their inane vlogs with a 30- or 55-second intro pretending to be an authoritative news outlet or something? The longer this goes on the less likely it is that some idiot failing to operate his forklift or drive his bulldozer up an 80 degree incline will be entertaining. I don’t think I’d get as far as Shanghai, it would go off at “..Guys.”

  9. Can’t really cunt Americans for using Americanisms in the US of A, or indeed when they come over here, it’s quite amusing.
    Brits using Guys and other American crap are CUNTS!

    Have a nice day y’all

          • @General, to your reply earlier above, are we now in a ‘teachable moment’ over racial injustice/equality. I suppose the ‘moment’ was St George Floyd but its feeling more like a sermon.

          • General@
            I know british comedy has always been big in the states, now with Netflix and streaming etc everything everywhere is accessible, I was watching something american and heard someone call someone else a wanker!!😁
            Sounded funny a american saying it, somehow it lost its venom?
            But the point is young people adopt things from films,tv, that are from other countries and sometimes seems out of context or a bit contrived.

          • I also think ‘cunt’ is a bit more taboo over in the States than it is over here Miserable. Perhaps they are selective on when to use it therefore preserving it power to shock?

          • Yes its still got its bite over in the US,
            I use it every other word so its lost its potency!😁

            Curb your enthusiasm has a scene where Larry David tries to put a memorial in the paper for his wifes deceased aunt, he enters the house to a glaring room of in-laws.
            Memorial had a typo
            “BELOVED CUNT”
            😁😁😁😁

          • L squared,

            You are correct about cunt. Call someone a cunt over here and you risk getting punched in the face.

            We are in a teachable moment. St. George of Minneapolis was a career criminal. He was high on a lethal cocktail of illegal drugs. He was trying to get even higher with booze. He was in the process of committing a crime.

            All was par for the course until he ran into power tripping cunt with a badge Derek Chauvin and resisted arrest. From there the entire episode went from a “teachable moment” to an “un-learnable lesson.”

  10. You wait until the fucking dolly bird chavs start having “reveal party’s”. WTF is that all about?? Thought a baby shower was for washing them when they had filled their diaper, sorry nappy. I can see it now, fat lips, bleached hair, blacked doe eyes and fucking great piston rings in their ears. Fuck off cunts.

    • I thought that a baby shower was “showering” the mother with gifts for the little shit before it has even been born. Then again I now interest in such bollocks so never paid much attention.

  11. Even more annoying than that is when you get these yank, millennial Youtube cunts starting off every video with “Hey! It’s your booooy! SoyBean McSoyface!!??? (always with the raised inflection of course).

  12. Another Yank term sneaking its way in to our language because of the internet, social media etc.
    Time to ban the internet… someone start the is-a-cunt newspaper or TV channel with an old school phone in cunting hour.

    Go fuck yourselves.

    • Sort of related, american anyway is people in ‘selfies’ or photos doing those gang sign things, like theyve got arthritis,
      Your a 30yr old assistant manager from surrey not a member of the crips you daft cunt.
      Pack it in.

      • Yep those cunts MNC, your right.
        Also the wankers here who dress like they are in Compton L.A, with there head rags and baggy Hip Hop wears.
        They need to dress like me… classic refined British with a touch of eccentricity and a flat cap. 👍🏽

          • CG@
            I love Chris Eubank, hes fuckin ace!
            Proper British eccentric.
            Great boxer great showman.
            Dont see him much now do you?
            Hed be great as a commentator for live boxing!!

          • @ Cuntfinder General Are you aware that you just committed the heinous crime of “dead-naming”?

            You said “Chris Eubank”. I believe he prefers to be addressed as “Cwith Eubank”.

            Anti-speech impediment bigot!!!!

        • BWC@
          I got thinking, something Cuntologist said on here,
          Im always in workwear, scruffy cunt that I am and want to shock the family going out dressed up so this week got a booking to get measured up for a tweed 3piece suit!😁
          AND having some brogue boots made by Lennons in Derbyshire,
          Probably look like ive just been demobbed😀
          But be a nice change to look smart!
          Like king George with pituitary gland issues!

          • MNC-would you like to borrow a set of Purdeys and my Defender to complete the “look”?

            All I ask in return is a discount on moving fees when I finally purchase my Scottish castle👍👍👍

          • I would actually CG😁
            If I picked any car itd be a Defender.👍
            Purdeys?
            You must be minted?!😛
            I inherit my dads old side-by-side double barrel when he goes but its decommissioned😭

        • Hi BWC, I’m feeling better thanks for asking.

          My original name on ISAC was Lenny Long-Legg III because I thought it was quite witty but one day I looked in the mirror after getting out of the shower and realised that it was a very misleading name…. definitely not a long, third leg and my name isn’t Lenny.

          So it’s been TITS ever since.

  13. all this american stuff is just cultural appropriation – no?
    just how much of british tv is american – 85%?
    we are all american now – no?

  14. Starting every sentence with “so”.
    “So-I went on ISAC and saw the guys in there dissing us. Can I get the Pentagon on the phone and nuke those limey-cocksuckers?”

    “Da Donny-wonny. Let mamma Ivanka suck it better…..”

    Or the use of “I need” instead of may I have.
    Cunts👎

  15. I see a lot of empty Budweiser beer boxes in rubbish bin rooms at blocks of flats at Inner West, Sydney. I know Australian beer isn’t too flash, but it’s no bloody worse than Budweiser. I know the types who are emptying these boxes. I see them around the common areas all the time. Bearded 20-somethings having their gritty urbane experience away from their posh north shore homes. Cunce! A small group of them who share a flat once asked if I know ‘anything about hanging pictures.’ I ended up doing it for them (the 2 birds were fit looking) and afterwards they took out the phones, snapped off photos and posted them on social media with “OMG!” comments. Bloody Nora.

    • Budweiser reminds me of the chuggers in my nearby town whose opening gambit was always “Hi Buddy / Bud. How’s it goin’? Got a minute?”. Guaranteed to get a FO response in as rude and aggressive tone as I could be ars*d to muster.
      Using “Fall” instead of Autumn in a sentence also grates.

      By the way, Bertie, if you are reading this I hope the medication is starting to work, you’re feeling better and the squits didn’t strike. “Hang in there, dude”.

    • @Crocacunt Cuntdee They are called hipsters and they are the result of decades of female-lead education, not allowing kids to climb trees, take risks, get injured and also not having fathers/proper men in the house to teach their sons how to use tools or have any kind of manual dexterity.

      Leo Kearse outlined this beautifully in his standup routine at Comedy Unleashed ( go to time 11:12 ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36Yfy0Aub1c

  16. ‘Listen up now’. Fuck off.

    ‘Let’s do this’. Fuck off.

    ‘Do the math’. Fuck off.

    ‘Hey dude’. Fuck off.

    ‘Have you seen Season 2 of…..’ Fuck off

    I really could go on but I won’t.

    I get that language morphs and we adopt words from other languages but really.

    Do the math. You really can’t do the math. You can only do the maths unless of course you want to rewrite the rules of the English language.

    Perhaps Samuel Johnson’s great great great great great cunt of a grandson, Caught Spedding would like to comment.

    By the way, ‘enjoy’.

    • Let’s do this and you got this are complete piss boilers, but then we have our own home grown bollocks like ‘get in’ and pretty much anything football related. Cunts.

  17. That was one hell of a bang!
    Fucking house is wrecked, dog has fucked off!
    Your war corespondent signing in from Beirut

  18. If you think the mangling of our mother tongue is bad, the future is worse, as hi guys is quickly replaced with Salam alikum.

  19. Yo!
    ‘sup, guys?
    Can I get a coffee before I go on my staycation in Glowstershire although I don’t no the rout
    Oops my bad
    laterz guys

  20. Soyboy looks like he’s about to say “I’m gay guys”. I wouldn’t waste my dick cheese on his barbed bouche.

  21. I was in a bar in Manchester a few years ago and I ordered a “slider” with four little glasses of different beers on it (gay, I know). Some fat American woman walked past me on her way out and, without a hint of irony, shouted to her friend, “Oooh look! A variety pack!”

  22. The americanisation of our language has fucked me off for years driven by telly news millennials and bame cunts gunman now shooter quarantine now lockdown and as mentioned hey or hi guys seems we’re losing are identity on more than one front and the cherry on it for me is feds proper proper cunts the lot of them

  23. Being addressed by a minion as Fellah or Mate! Had the last one from a bank when I phoned them. That didn’t end well.
    Also Americanisms I hear: elevator, movie and especially smart in the context of clever or intelligent.

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