The Bore

I am conscious that I might end up cunting myself here if I’m not careful.

By the way I dedicate this Nom (paraphrasing the words to the Willie Nelson song) to all the bores I have ever known before.

You see cunters I would always end up in the kitchen at parties WITH THE BORE. A soft touch. But in some ways I was fascinated. Trying to analyse it the first thing I would identify about them is that they DON’T LISTEN. That is the determining characteristic of the Bore-they are not listening, their only interest is in what they are saying. Now because they are not listening this allows them to abruptly change the subject. Or just to leave some anecdote or story in the air. The Bore has moved on is the paradox here. HE IS BORED.

The Bore. Let’s look at what great writers have said. James Joyce ‘I have never met a bore’. I suppose in his forensic desire to get to the heart of some character he would find something that was interesting in anybody. Similarly Chesterton said we must try to see a bore’s ‘interesting points’. He gave the example of one counting all the blades of grass on a garden lawn. What a yawn reader. But yes, maybe, he wanted to more ‘fully explore’ the. garden lawn. Waugh? ‘He couldn’t go on being Hardcastle, day and night, always, could he?’ Sebastian asks Charles in Brideshead. And that is actually a very profound question. My friend Dave comes to mind. As he walks out of the pub I look after him and think ‘He couldn’t go on being Dave, day and night, always, could he?’ But I know he must do.

Switching it as is my wont as a putative bore but really we could change the name of this site from ‘Is a Cunt’ to ‘Is a Bore’. That’s what we’re cunting everday-the utter PREDICTABILITY of cunts. In the morning when I click on ISAC with many Noms of people you have only to look at the picture TO KNOW (before they even open their mouths as it were) what’s coming. That is the boredom of today. The utter predictability of everyting.

You know cunters Waugh (in the 50s) said-‘I see boredom everywhere’ about the coming decades. And what did Hazlitt say? ‘Most men are fools’ . Most men are bores today and women too.
I need to finish up I’m becoming as bore. Yes, what about the world beyond? Yes, at the Beatific Vision the bore who never stops talking, doesn’t listen. In the presence of the power and the glory the bore still telling the same story. Forever. Oh, hell.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

72 thoughts on “The Bore

  1. Great Nom, Miles. My very own Bore Anti Venom does strange things to my behaviour; it turns me from what I believe to be a reasonable, calm person to a fidgety, ill-tempered, aggressive cunt.

    I have a low boredom threshold, so if a Bore homes in on me, attempting to procure my ear as an offloading vessel for their inane bollocks then I can become uncharacteristically unpleasant, almost to the point where I feel a little sympathy for the Bore.

    Its something I cant help; it is entirely involuntary – just like the metamorphosis from David Banner to the Hulk.

  2. I bet as a student, Catweazel bored many a cunt with the collectivization of Soviet agriculture and 1950’s Cuban land reforms.

  3. Good nom Miles!👍
    I know two, one a music trivia bore,
    The other a general all purpose bore,
    Think I’ve mentioned him before?
    Calls me Malcolm?
    Both of them are nice, harmless, (i assume lonely) blokes,
    No malice to them, but fuck me a conversation with them is like a life sentence!
    The music bore is like a encyclopedia of rock music, but i dont care if some cunt played a black gibson les paul on a song,just like the song!
    Cant find it in me though to tell them to fuck off.
    Just suffer them, dont want to hurt theyre feelings, which is unusual as normally id tell anyone to get fucked!
    But id feel really guilty as know theyre just harmless!😞

    • I’m the same Miserable, enquiring how elderly customers are for a bit of pass the time of day chit-chat bollocks can result in lengthy one way discussions on their/family/friends/neighbours various illnesses, operations and hospital appointments. Some of them fought a war for us, so just got to smile and nod and drink yer tea.

      • Yes LL, youve just got to nod your head, and let them, just lonely, need interaction, to vent,etc
        As you say went through a war, we owe them, dont think they realise when asked how they doing you dont want a fuckin autobiography.

        • Problem being if you are getting on in years and you pause your narrative, you will have forgotten what you were going to say anyway, my own bugbear is those people who say something then finish of with a laugh regardless of the subject, most puzzling

    • You have to be careful with the harmless bores because if you do finally come to the end of your tether and tell them to fuck off, they may just top themselves, leaving a note saying “goodbye cruel world. And that Miserable Northern Cunt is to blame for tipping me over the edge!

      • Haha jesus Techno!
        Yeah never thought of that!
        Just have to suffer the boring bastards till either I peg it or they do eh?😣

  4. Every Pub used to have one..not so much nowadays. Luckily my local has no such Pain in the Arse and I’m able to get my usual seat from where I can regale and delight Punters and Barstaff with my interminable tales of the mundane. I’m held in such high regard that the seats either side of me are always left unoccupied so that I can listen in on conversations across the entire bar before deciding who to honour and carrying my pint across to join them.
    I particularly enjoy joining a family of holiday-makers,they always seem interested in my views on some obscure local event before they invariably remember that it’s time that they had to go…some are so fascinated that they’ve even been known to forget that they ordered food before bolting out of the door…..bet they sit in their car as it wheelspins out of the carpark thinking “What a fascinating old Gent…wish we could listen to him all day”

  5. The ‘First Aid’ bore. When people find out what I do for a living, say ‘I couldn’t do your job’, and then proceed to tell me in great detail of the bandage/plaster they applied to one of their colleagues whilst I’m stood there praying for the Four Minute Warning or death to rescue me. Or the Gore Bore. Now they ARE cunts. ‘You must see some sights. What’s the worst thing you’ve seen’? Really???? You want me to recall the things that have given me sleepless nights, tears or the like, just for your entertainment? And they’re probably vegans, too. My wife will rescue me from them because, as I have (well controlled) PTSD, we found out I had it when I chinned one of the aforementioned Gore Bores and she recognises the signs!!!

    Cunts.

  6. Sorry Miles – didn’t get to the end of your nom – too busy planning out my reply…

    Actually, we have at least 2 in the locality. You are always aware that they are not listening to any reply, just moving on, in their mind, to their next point. Frustrating because after a few encounters, you realise there’s no conversation to be had with them, when your role is to stand quietly and be bored.

  7. Quality cunting. I think I’m exactly what you describe, though.

    Back when I bothered to pretend I enjoyed ‘parties’, I always ended up in the kitchen. Alone, crying and wanking at the same time.

    • Being of a similar age to me, you’ve probably encountered the 80s nostalgia bore at this these gatherings.

      I hate asking the hostess if she has a shotgun in the house.

      ‘Remember He-Man? The Christopher Reeve Superman films? The Goonies…’

      I’m sorry, but they were shite.

  8. Football bores i can deal with,
    “Not into football mate”
    Car bores too, “yeah i drive a van, anyway..”
    Its the multi purpose bore that gets me!
    “Painting the house miserable?”
    Well it wouldnt take Colombo to deduce i am, seeing as im up a ladder holding a brush and paint pot,
    “Did i ever tell you about”..
    Please just let me die…..

    • I get the motorcycle bores. Stood about minding your own business, you’ll spot some duffer out of the corner of your eye homing in on you and before you know it you’re getting the “I had a 1966 BSA Gold Star you know, the one with the Amal carburettor, proper man’s bike etc. etc.” zzzzzzzzz…. as you say MNC they’re harmless and usually of a generation I have nothing but respect for by Christ they’re tedious.

      Bike bores being what they are I’ll probably get some cunt on saying “Gold Star didn’t have Amal carbs until 1967…..”

      • … CtC, don’t knock the ‘fuddy duddies’ shuffling up and telling you about their near death experience on their ex-GPO Bantam .. and then they went on to buy a Velo etc. etc. … give them the time of day. They’re only telling you ’cause the wife won’t listen anymore. It’ll be you and me someday, with a drip at the end of our nose, coming back from the shops….regaling tails of ‘high-siding’ an LC Yamaha …
        It’s always worth hearing them out … I’ve had a couple ‘bargains’ after hearing … “In fact it’s still laying in the back of the shed under some boxes” .. Kerching !!

        • Yeah I know you’re right BMP, I usually just nod along with the occasional “really, how interesting”. As you say it’ll be us bending the ear of some flash cunt with a £30k electric Akira bike in years to come, waffling on about wrestling bucking GSXR-1100s out of roundabouts… and just like that I’ve become a bike bore, fuck

      • Morning Cuntan,
        I even get these tedious cunts!!
        Said before about group of us grew up an drink together, one of us is a biker, well 2 of us, but one does a custom bikeshow for kids who are poorly,
        Cant do links,
        but check out “roughleys bikeshow” stockport.
        As you say well meaning enough but im there for beer, music an a laugh not to chat about 1950s british bikes.

        • What is it with links, how do some of these flash cunts post them?? I generally don’t chat to anyone about bikes cos I know how anorakky it comes across, today’s lot are worse if anything as they’re mainly middle-class cunts who’ve bought some £25k BMW monstrosity they can’t handle to “release their inner adventurer”

      • I thought Gold Stars always had Amal carbs. You may be thinking of the switch from the separate float bowl to the concentric… but like all bores, I don’t really know and I’m making up my drivel as I go along.

        I have a bike bore at work. Genuine enough, but I’m still waiting to see the RGS he’s been ‘restoring’ for the last twelve years.

        • I believe the Clubman’s Goldstar’s had an Amal GP carb with a seperate float bowl … other carbs are available.

          I’ll get my coat …..

      • Even more bizarrely the father of the dead guy has said “politicians should not use his son’s death as an excuse to pass Draconian sentences on terrorists”…. no offence mate but what the fuck’s wrong with you??? I wouldn’t give a fuck about sentences, I’d just want an hour with him in handcuffs, strapped to a chair, in a locked room with a claw hammer and a set of skewers

          • I must admit, this was my response too.
            What’s happened to good old British revenge?
            Too often, the response now to these attack is typically ‘don’t look back in anger’, turn the other cheek, show them we’re not like them etc.
            WTF. It’s normal and healthy to show anger.
            To repress it, is to slowly desensitise us all to the next attack. Thank god for the man who did show anger and had to be pulled off the cunt before the police could shoot him.
            Without that mans anger-and courage, there may well have been other deaths.
            Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh!

        • Because the dead guy was some snowflake libtard , apparently…
          However, if my ex had been murdered on LB, I’d go feckin ballistic, and make sure that all slimes were left to die of cancer, without any treatment or palliative care whatsoever.

          Cuntweazle needs to be terminated; after GE day.

    • Just when you think Corbyn couldn’t make a bigger cunt of himself he comes out with an imbecilic comment like that. How anyone can vote for this current ‘Labour’ lot is a complete and utter mystery to me.

  9. Here’s a few I’ve had to deal with over the years:-

    Apple Vs Samsung fanboys
    Windows Vs iOS fanboys
    PS4 Vs Xbox fanboys
    Real ale drinkers
    Professional DIYers
    Environmentalists
    Comic collectors
    Train spotters
    Vegans/Vegetarians
    Parents with new born babies
    Grammar Nazis
    and boring cunts who compile lists!

  10. As a Catholic I am forced to endure hours of excruciating boredom during the priest’s sermon. Some of these guys have no idea about public speaking. People in the congregation are openly yawning, checking their phones, talking, reading a book (in my case) or trimming their nails yet the priest just rambles on talking to himself. Over thousands of masses I have only heard one sermon of interest and that was by a South African who had been on officer fighting the Cubans in the Angolan civil war. He had also been kidnapped in South Africa, stabbed and held captive in disgusting conditioyns before being free. It was gripping stuff with barely a reference to God except to say we should forgive those who have trrated us badly. Just off to mass now and taking Bernie Gunther story by Philip Kerr to get me through today’s wordfest.

    • CofE are worse because the performance is less theatrical, and nonconformists are the worst of the lot. Try a Church of Scotland druid at a burial in the pissing rain banging on with St John as his script. Or a Wee Free doing it in Gaelic. I can’t forgive the cunts for they know exactly what they are doing.

  11. This might sound a bit morbid.

    Loneliness is worse than death. You’re aware of yourself and your surroundings and aware there’s no one to talk to.

    Death is like being asleep. You don’t realise you’re asleep until you wake up in bed the next morning.

    I do give people the time of day. I agree some topics might not be of interest but sometimes I learn something new.

    • Maybe at the back of your mind Spoons is the phrase ‘bored to death’?
      There is a Latin term-‘tedium vitae’. Tired if life.
      You’re onto something I think. Profound boredom is like death.

  12. Young people are boring cunts, especially the ones who think anyone over a certain age is automatically stupid, or deaf. They have the idea that anything that’s happening to them has never happened to anyone before, it’s all new, so no-one older would understand. It’s these young cunts who are stupid. If only they knew. The boring cunts.

  13. Facebook or Twitter are the homes of the professional bore, with Instagram the academy dor young bores-in-training.

    Commitment to being boring is enhanced by narcissicism, entitlement, therapy or ‘sharing’ culture and the platforms’ obsession with protecting the feelings of the ‘marginilised’ and promoting the mediocre and ephemeral while censoring the unfashionable and eclectic.

    You’ll be neck-deep in cat videos, Buzzfeed listicles, Channel 4 comedians mocking Brexit and cluless Greta worship. In no time.

  14. I have to admit I often think to myself change the fucking record but it’s only because people like us really do care about the state of the world and get angry that it’s falling apart. It’s also because we have to keep listening to the opposition with their constant stream of liberal bullshit who are responsible for the state were in. I suppose we’re in the second bore war.

  15. Great job, MP.
    I was at Uni when I met the biggest bore I’ve ever encountered. It was back in the 70s, and this guy was the lefty’s lefty, scruffy, long hair, and to give him his due, quite possibly the greatest expert on the Communist Party of Great Britain who ever lived. He lived and breathed Marxism-Leninism; the revolution, the vile corruption and decay of the west etc. He once said that he needed a break from reading about politics so he’d gone to the library to get a novel. His choice was a book about the struggle of a group of Chinese peasants to establish a workers’ collective…
    Naturally the cunt was fiercely against British ‘oppression’ in Northern Ireland. Ironically he was in ‘The Cavern in the Town’ when his heroes in the IRA bombed the pubs in Brum, and his ear was blown off. He was interviewed for the local telly news from his hospital bed, and asked what he thought of this ‘vile terrorist act’. He was actually outraged at the tone of the question, and ranted on about ‘if this is what it takes for the people of Ireland to obtain their freedom…’.
    He made quite an impression on me did our Mart. He was the personification of the bore, and a right cunt to boot.

  16. Film bores. Those that will quote you lines from their favourite films. Monty Python’s Life of Brian seems to be a favourite. Quoting ‘he’s not the messiah he’s a naughty boy’ or whatever it is, doesn’t make you funny.

  17. The issue with boredom is it is symptomatic of the easy life in the first world. The danger is that, because we are all a bunch of cunts that find being at peace and ease so difficult, that we sabotage it and fuck ourselves up, so stop being bored but have an utterly fucking appalling quality of life.

  18. The ‘great writer’ James Joyce enjoyed eating turds out of women’s arseholes. So I suspect the reason he never met ‘a bore’ was as he never had the chance to assess anybody as one, because anyone sane quickly avoided conversing with him as soon as they copped that his breath smelled of shit.

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