(Person Christmas)

What’s Person Christmas? Well, it’s the non-gender version of Father Christmas and it’s coming soon. Apparently, according to a recent poll, a lot of people don’t care which gender old Saint Nick is. Gina Battye, an LGBT+ identity coach, tells BBC Three that it’s great that more than 17% of people reportedly want a gender-neutral Santa. Hmm. Which begs the question: What the fuck is an identity coach?

? You’d better watch out, you’d better not cry,
Better not pout I’m telling you why,
. Non-gender Santa’s coming to town.?

Perhaps you want to ruin, befuddle and besmirch everybody’s Christmas memories through the decades, perhaps you want to re-write beloved children’s stories, perhaps you just want to shit on everybody’s fun.

? “I saw Mummy kissing non-gender Santa, underneath the Christmas tree….” ?

Here we go. Another smash’n’grab to further belittle the male of the species. Dr.Who, James Bond, the madness will continue. Equal Opportunities for Myths! I’m surprised we still have snowmen left. I can just hear this sour-faced identity coach, “Why are they men? Why are they white? Why are they naked? PERVERT! Let’s teach the world to build non-gender snow persons without oppressive pronouns! Frosty The Snow-queer who identifies as an Easter Bunny!”

Listen Ladyboy, it’s FATHER CHRISTMAS and he’s a long-time, happy concept that brings a little bit of magic to a sombre Wintertime.. Why don’t you take your envy, your misery, your pc carping and shut the fuck up you malignant, titless bulldyke.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous