I would like to nominate Double Standards for a cunting on this esteemed website.

I don’t know about anyone else but I am heartily sick of this current row about anti-Semitism in the Labour Party. Let the record show that I simply DON’T GIVE A FUCK about Israel/Palestine. Those cunts have been at each other’s throats for fucking years and probably will be for years to come. This conflict has zero relevance to British politics and we should simply mind our own fucking business. In fact, this applies to the whole damn Middle East.

The idea that Israel is uniquely wicked and the source of all the problems in the Middle East is complete and utter bollocks. If all the Jewish Israelis decided to move to New York (as the delightfully racist Nazi Shah suggested) and hand over Israel to the kleptocratic cunts of the Palestinian Authority and the religious faggots of Hamas, the result would not be peace in our time. They would not even take the time out for a celebratory piss-up ‘cos their imaginary friend doesn’t approve of booze (along with pork, women’s hair, clitorises, music and fun in general). They would be at each other’s throats before the last planeload of Jewish people had left Israeli airspace. The wankers in the Middle East don’t seem to be able to get on with anyone – Saudis hate Iranians, Turks hate Kurds, cunts hate twats, etc-fucking-etc. Everyone (the Yanks, the UN, us) should keep their noses out of the Middle East and just let them have the giant race/sectarian war they are clearly itching to have.

In the past twenty or so years, the Labour Party and the BBC-Guardianazi wankstains who run the UK media have fully embraced identity politics. Everything now is “phobia” this and “ism” that. Forgive me but what happened to individual rights and responsibilities – the very cornerstone of English common law. I firmly believe (and I think this is the philosophy of this splendid website) that you are a cunt because of what you DO not because of what you ARE.

Curiously, Jewish people and Israel appear to have been excluded from the protection that identity politics affords to every other minority group:

– When an Islamist prick blows the place up quoting chapter and verse from the Koran, the media falls over itself saying that Muslims are not to blame and that the events have nothing to do with Islam. When the IDF goes psycho or does something cuntish, somehow all Jews are to blame;

– Some black Americans play the victim about slavery (ended 150 years ago) and some Muslims whine about the Crusades (700-900 years ago) as if these events somehow justify cuntishness today. Jewish people who mention Auschwitz – still (just) in living memory – are accused of playing the Holocaust card;

– Turkey illegally occupies northern Cyprus, China swallows Tibet – silence. Israel occupies the West Bank and (used to) occupy Gaza – frenzied media BS;

– Islamist maniacs fire rockets from hospitals, kindergartens and residential areas in a deliberate attempt to kill civilians – no problem. IDF fires back – bedlam.

– Almost all countries have borders that have been forged by violence. Israel’s violent birth is the subject of wanky BBC documentaries about whether it has the “right” to exist. If Israel should return land to the Palestinians then the Arabs should return Egypt to the Copts and the Turks should bugger off back to central Asia and let that Greek priest finish his mass from 1453;

– Holocaust denial has returned to the sewer from whence it came but Holocaust inversion is all the rage;

– People who know fuck all about anything are experts in Zionism. Zionism has always been a controversial idea amongst Jews but at its heart is the idea that Jewish people are entitled to their own nation-state. Why is anti-Zionism so great then? Because most people don’t know what Zionism is and use the word in the same way Rick from The Young Ones called everything he disliked “Fascist.” The figleaf of anti-Zionism is just as racist as old-fashioned anti-Semitism. Why are the Jewish people the only national group who should be denied their own nation-state? If I said the Peruvians, the Congolese or the Burmese should be denied their own state, I would be dismissed as a loon. Why not Israelis?

– Refugees in camps on the border of Israel are the BBC-Guardianazis’ favourite victims. Israel is castigated for ethnically-cleansing its land in 1948. But somehow it is forgotten that an equal number of Jewish people were expelled from Arab countries at the same time. These Jewish communities had existed for centuries before Mo was looking for dates at the Mecca kindergarten. Israel absorbed the Jewish refugees; Arab countries preferred to leave their “brothers” to rot as political pawns.

Again, let me just say I have no love for Israel. The current Israeli government is particularly cuntish and is led by a man who could start an argument in an empty room. Israel has behaved foolishly in not pulling out of the West Bank when it left Gaza in 2005 and does seem to be held hostage to its own religious maniacs and far right buffoons. It’s the double standards I hate. Israel is a (flawed) democracy, Arab citizens have equal rights and one Arab chap sits on Israel’s Supreme Court whilst another is deputy chief of the Israeli police force. Name a single Arab country that has the same rights for Jews. In fact, name a single Arab country that has the same rights for Arabs as Israel.

And no, I am not Jewish, I don’t have a rabbi-fixation and I am not a tool of the Zionist World Conspiracy. All pointless anti-Semites reading this, please FUCK OFF in advance; I gave up looking at your illiterate, conspiracy-theory-laden, pro-Muslim ravings months ago. Enjoy the Jihad against punctuation.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt