There’s fuck all worth watching on tellie tonight because Pudsey is back…
Now, I know you are going to think that anyone who says that a charity appeal that raises so much for needy cheeldren should be taken off the air just because it’s a load of purile, talentless shite is a fucking miserable bastard, but frankly I don’t give a shit! Because that’s exactly what it is.
As the late Captain Haddock so succinctly put it back in 2011 : “Pudsey .. the begging, one-eyed, parasite .. can fuck off.” Nicely put Cap’n!
Nominated by: Dioclese
Fuck I was mauled by a Teddy bear in the late 1950’s. I’ve got residue emotional issues which can only be solved by multiple prostitutes wearing furry outfits. Expensive in these times of economic austerity. Luckily I earn squids of money which are cannily reinvested in local micro S and M businesses and Liquor Land. Me, I’d poke out Pudsey’s other eye and then burn the ‘Teddy the Cunt.’
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“Squids of money” dear heart? Fortune smiles upon you. It just so happens that I am able to put you in the way of a rather breathtaking investment opportunity of an artistic nature. My dear sweet niece Gloria, who posesses thighs of an angel, is, as we speak, about to venture upon a career upon the stage. All that prevents her – I say all because it is indeed a circumstance of the foulest callumny – is a trifling matter of a little personal sponsorship.
Gloria, being a gel of the highest integrity, has asked me to assure you that she will pay you back personally if you get me drift. Thighs of an angel dear heart, thighs of an angel.
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Thanks for pimping out your niece. Like Aristos of old I made my ‘wedge’ by stealing. Nowadays I only steal for fun. Also like old Aristos I do no work and pay no taxes. Who was it who said: ‘Taxes are for the little people.’ Put your niece in a crate and dispatch forthwith to Nuzzyland. Uncle Dioclese has my particulars. Make sure you put in a few air holes. Wouldn’t want them thighs to go to waste. I’ve got a pole set up in one of my living rooms. I’m hoping Gloria is an energetic lass- now that’s what I call art.
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Pudsey the Paedo Puppet. Turning a blind eye. Appropriate symbol of the BBC paedo hothouse. Raising money for “Children In Need”. In need of what? A Jimmy Saville fix it? Paul Gambuccini’s Top Ten Hits or a bit of Wogan’s old cock. While the endless hours of self indulgent BBC wank churn on it at least provides an opportunity for some paedo spotting. Bet that little talentless cunt with the ferret eyes Chris Hollins is in there somewhere.
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Set fire to the cunt, and piss on the ashes. who’d not pay to see that? Good cause.
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It’s compulsory to go out and get obliterated on Children in need night, ditto Comic relief. I used to hate it because it was cringe worthy, unfunny, poke your own eyes out, please god let the booze kick in shite. Reason enough, but knowing the BBC is teeming with nonce cases makes the whole thing a sick, sick joke. I mean have they even got any presenters left who aren’t on the radar of operation Yewtree?…… Oh yeah Pudsey is a cunt as well, it’s probably Rolf inside that suit neatly swerving his bail conditions. Bunch of cunts!
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Glad I’m not the only one totally turned off by the whole thing.
It really is shite – but it’s also cheap telly. Costs next to fuck all to produce, keeps the plebs occupied and it all for ‘cherity’ to help the ‘leetle cheeldren’ which always looks good even if it means fuck all at the end of the day.
Never mind the Children in Need – what about the poor pensioners. Someone pointed out the other day that pensioners are ‘resilient’ which is how they survived long enough to be pensioners. There might be some truth in that but it’s no reason to shit on them just because they’ll out up with anything!
Roll on the 2015 election. Pensioners are the ones who vote and the fuckers might just turn out to have a bit if bite to them? Although, frankly, I doubt it. We’ll put up with anything in this country.
Rant over!
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” Cherity”, helping the “leetle children” – is the real voice behind the classical mask of antiquity finally revealed? Is Dioclese just a dirty old bubble?
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Not so much of the ‘dirty’ if you don’t mind…
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Following the run of the time honoured old gag, the response should be:
Not so much of the “old” if you don’t mind…
(Yes, panto season is nearly upon us…..hmmm, a cunting is coming)
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And here it is:
Pantomime Cunts.
That ghastly season is nearly upon us. Theatres and Civic Centres up and down the land jack up their prices to fleece the punters taking part in the deadly ritual of the Pantomime Season featuring crap comics, fake celebrities and arsehole actors making their only appearances of the year. A poof’s parade of tacky costumes, apalling acting, excrable scripts and shite sets wallowing in an effluent of exhorbitant merchandise.
“Programme and a double whiskey? That’ll be £22.50 sir”.
Interesting season this year. So many of the usual suspects are either banged up, awaiting trial or under investigation. Now known as the ‘Paedomime Season’ in the business. Jim Davidson as Buttons, Russell Grant as Widow Wanky, Mathew Kelly as Captain Hook – “Now then children, is that a paedo behind me – Oh no it is’nt!…Fuck…Oh yes it is!”
I’ll be buggered if I know where theatres keep digging up ‘names’ like the Chuckle Brothers from (and why are those geriatric cunts never prosecuted under the Trades Description Act?). Have to set up me pet vulture Gristle as an agent to sniff ‘em out.
You may have thought many old cunts were long dead but if they are not queing for the Dead Cunt’s Pool then they are sure to be in a panto near you.
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No – that’s fair enough as I am fucking old!
Panto cunts duly added. Timely and appropriate, I thought…
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London Cunt – I totally agree! The harbingers of paedophiles come up with this, while they had one of the biggest paedo’s ever known in their midst, & fiddling with kids on their premises no doubt! Absolute scum-cunts!! Don’t get me started on the one-eyed sybolism of Pudsey. BBC cunts.
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I would like to nominate spamming charity cunts, i dont want to save cats, kittens, dogs, donkeys, horses, birds, or fucking snow leopards. Not to mention if oxfam can supply a village with water for 3 quid a month i’m fucking changing suppliers…. i pay 140 plus a fucking year to the money grabbing fuckers that supply mine. For those who need a well in their village i would first suggest you start fucking digging….. lazy cunts. I have to mention that although i do have a heart, charity begins at home … my cunting home! get me another beer from the fridge you fat arsed cow…. change the fucking channel on the telly while your up, fuck sake its another charity cunting advert!
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Consider it done
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Sorry dear Di,
Had a few snifters and noticed that I have spelt appalling apallingly. Also Trades Descriptions Act has lost an ‘s’. And last para should read ‘luvvy cunts’. Also took the opportunity to put in an extra dildo gag. Anyway here follows the corrected version and time for another chaser or two.
Pantomime Cunts.
That ghastly season is nearly upon us. Theatres and Civic Centres up and down the land jack up their prices to fleece punters taking part in the deadly ritual of the Pantomime Season featuring crap comics, fake celebrities and arsehole actors making their only appearances of the year. A poof’s parade of tacky costumes, appalling acting, excrable scripts and shite sets wallowing in an effluent of exhorbitant merchandise.
“Programme and a double whiskey? That’ll be £22.50 sir. And we have a special on Widow Wanky glow in the dark dildos. A snip at £45.00.”
Interesting season this year. Many of the usual suspects are either banged up, awaiting trial or under investigation. Now called the ‘Paedomime Season’ in the business. Jim Davidson as Buttons, Russell Grant as Widow Wanky, Mathew Kelly as Captain Hook – “Now then children, is that a paedo behind me – Oh no it is’nt!…Fuck…Oh yes it is!”
I’ll be buggered if I know where theatres keep digging up ‘names’ like the Chuckle Brothers from (and why are those geriatric cunts never prosecuted under the Trades Descriptions Act?). Have to set up me pet vulture Gristle as a theatrical agent to sniff ‘em out.
You may have thought many old luvvy cunts were long dead but if they are not queing for the Dead Cunt’s Pool then they are likely to be in a panto near you.
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It’s added. Oh yes it is!!
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