Jeffrey Marsh. Now there’s a perfectly normal-sounding name. There must be a lot of Jeffrey Marshes about. Thousands of them.

But I’d like to draw your attention to one particular Jeffrey Marsh. This Jeffrey is transgender, or binary, or something, and has become a somewhat notorious, some might even say outright offensive figure on soshull meeja. Jeffrey wants to talk to kids privately about their sexuality, away from their parents’ prying eyes.

Yes, s/he/it (shit for short) has created a Patreon account, so that shit can spend ‘connected time’ (what, as opposed to ‘disconnected’ time?) with young people, to let them know that they are ‘worthy’, and ‘valuable’, and that their stories are ‘inspiring’. Oh, and they can pay for the privilege, naturally.

Now I don’t know about you guys, but this all strikes me as deeply dodgy. I’d say that on the old Creepometer rating of nought to ten, shit rates as a definite eleven.
‘I want to spend more connected time with you’. In private. Yes, I bet you do.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Just don’t get the pronouns wrong. That would make you one of those nasty, nasty transphobes, and Jeffrey wouldn’t like that.

YouTube Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

(More info here. Day Admin – Daily Citizen News Link)

I always know when Spring is upon us. Is it the subtle change in the air, or the flowering of the daffodils? No, it’s when the wife looks up with a gleam in her eye and says ‘oh yummy, Monty’s back this week’; Monty, for those unsure, being hoary handed son of the soil Monty Don. Yes him, the BBC gardening guru and sex god from ‘Gardeners’ World’.

Can anybody out there explain to me what exactly it is about this bloke that makes ladies ‘of a certain age’ froth like a beck in a storm? The widder woman who lives across the road from us goes swivel-eyed at the mention of his name. Her dog’s named after him.

A few years ago the wife went all the way to Edinbugh just to attend an event that the cunt was putting on at the Book Festival, and returned with signed copies of two of his books. My mate Big Al’s missus frankly admits to fantasising about being pawed very roughly by ‘his big, coarse, hairy hands’, and makes very unsubtle references to the size of his cucumber.

Now I’ll own that the wife’s right when she says that I’ve got absolutely no grounds for getting peeved with her about this, given the amount of time that I spend drooling over (and I quote) ‘that Mexican piece with huge tits’. Ah Salma, my Salma.

Yes, I’m forced to admit that this cunting is based on nothing more than sheer puzzlement and unfounded, irrational jealousy on my part. I’m jealous that Monty Don is a fanny magnet. The green-fingered bastard.

Guardian

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Keeping the streets safe, PCSOs.

Here’s another delightful chap from our Policing Community. One Matthew Shaw. Do plod have lower standards when recruiting Community Support Officers? Although, frankly, it’s hard to see how much lower their standards could be.

His defending brief says he has Autism, so are the Police just shoving bodies on the street?

I’m sure that “questions will be asked”.
Can we not just sack the cunts whose vetting process obviously has more holes in it than a colander?

Express

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Now I began to notice this last year at Tesco’s when using the self service machines.

I have finished scanning my items, time to pay, up pops would you like to donate to said charity. Your total has been rounded up to the nearest pound, press yes or no.

Is there no escape from this anymore, tv is full of commercials give money to this or that.

I wonder how many people have accidentally hit yes?

I don’t know about other supermarkets doing this but I suppose its just a matter of time.

Mr Tesco can I just pay for my shopping in peace please.

Essex Live

Nominated by: Barry zuckercunt

A white girl raped and beaten by an
Asian grooming gang then cruelly beaten.
Sold at auction in Amsterdam,
The community was outraged.

A protest was organised.
This wouldn’t go unanswered.
Enough was enough.
Windows were put through.
Threats were made.
Death threats.

Accept Eleanor made it up.
She had a history of it.
Those photos of her battered and bruised?
Seems she hit herself in the face with a hammer.

Men’s lived ruined,
All for a bit of attention.
What a cunt.

Bbc news

Nominated by Miserable northern cunt.