There are many reasons that the big day itself can go tits up for the average family at Christmas. below are just a selection of things that I have personally encountered over the last 60 odd years either as a child or as the head of a family.

Telly what to watch is always a bone of contention for many families at Christmas. Thankfully I don’t watch the cunt anymore.

Kids getting up at 4am to see if that cunt Santa has been yet. Now this is a real cunt if you have been out on the ale xmas eve.

Old auntie miserable guts coming round, moaning about the veg, not enough sherry, asking kids who are scared of her wrinkly old face for a Christmas kiss.

Whose fault it is that the fucking turkey hasn’t defrosted in time. Why have a turkey anyway? most ends up in the bin or the dog. Beef or Pork please.

Chestnuts exploding in the fucking oven. Proper cunts to clean up.

Small children playing inside the cardboard boxes their expensive presents came in and ignoring the fucking presents.

Mid night mass Christmas eve. My wife used to drag me there. A cunt again if you’ve been on the ale and are bursting for a piss every 10 minutes.

I am certain fellow cunters can come up with many more examples.

Luckily Mrs E/cunt and I live at least 70 miles away from any of our 4 grown up kids and their plethora of kids, our grand kids. 8 and counting.
It will hopefully be just like any other Sunday. And no midnight Mass only a church of England house of God in our village of 800 souls.

So enjoy it if you can or enjoy that it only comes but once a year.

Independent

Nominated by Everyonesacunt.

(Just a quick note to say we have a bonus nom at 5pm today, and same again for Boxing Day. Thanks – The Admin Team)

Yes, you read that right. There’s now a thing called “Christmas Tree syndrome” which affects 6% of the Australian population (the source of this revelation!).

Real trees in particular can contain anything up to 50 types of mould and pollens which could cause serious problems for people already suffering from asthma and other respiratory disorders.

Fake trees might be a safer option. However, if stored in cold damp areas such as garages or attics year in year out, they too might also attract a form of mould and contaminated dust.

Even tree decorations could pose a risk for the same reasons – i.e.. storing in cold damp areas.

So just make sure you give your Christmas fairy, baubles and balls a good old rub before hanging them on your brand new artificial syndrome-free tree!

Yahoo Australia News

Nominated by: Technocunt

(Have a great Christmas, boys/girls/things. And thanks for your nominations and comments over the last 12 months. It is always most welcome and keep those noms rolling in! Enjoy unwrapping your prezzies – The Admin Team)

Biff bean, yeah you heard me right, is a cunt.

Lincoln Town Councillor and mayor, nice work if you can get it.

Has cancelled England’s oldest Christmas Market, for safety reasons.

Started in 1982 this four day market attracts 300,000 people, and generates 15 million to the city economy..

With local businesses struggling since covid, this labour cunt and his cronies decide to kick em while there down..

It also turns out biffa, visited Lincoln’s twined town in Germany and enjoyed their festive Market..

So the Notting hill stabbing and mugging festival has no safety issues ever year.
But God forbid you want some mulled wine and chestnuts.

Merry Christmas biff, hope your turkey is undercooked.

Daily Fail

gb news

Nominated by Barry zuckercunt.

I know this nom has probably been done before, but here goes another one because I am a bit hacked off at moaning cunts running to the media and bleating that they can’t afford the presents their partners and/or kids want for Christmas, and that its all the government’s fault!

A lot of these people are spending a lifetime on benefits or have jobs but spent all their time bending their credit cards on flash cars and huge mortgage commitments, only to realise that they’ve got fuck all cash left to pay for expensive Christmas presents such as iPhone 15s or PS5s.

Why these cunts can’t just tell their family members to make do with far cheaper alternatives and be satisfied I really don’t know. Instead they moan on social media that they can’t afford the £500 PS5 their darling son wants and the £900 iPhone 15 their daughter wants (even though she already has an iPhone 14).

I would love a ASUS GeForce RTX 4090 24GB TUF OC graphics card, but neither I or the missus can realistically afford the £7,000 asking price, and therefore I’ll have to make do with something far cheaper and live with it.

Whinging cunts blaming the government and wanting more money to pay for it all just like the handouts they get/got for the Cost of Living crisis and the energy crisis. They want the Taxpayer to pay for their presents and they’d still moan they’re living in abject poverty!

Ho fucking ho!

Daily Mirror

Nominated by Technocunt.

 
I agree with the Chuckle Brothers! The new Quality Street wrappers are dull and shitty.

I buy big tubs of Quality Street every Christmas. Brilliant. Bright sparkly foil wrappings adding to the magic of the season. Poured into glass bowls they twinkle and shine invitingly. Well not this year. Thanks to the eco-zealots, chocolates have to be dull and boring.

While on the subject, the selection boxes are shit nowadays. They are only £1.50 from Tesco, and the reason is that there is fuck all chocolate in them. The finger of fudge keeps getting shorter.

Even Fortnums, the byword for excess, is getting in on the act. They are going to be fucking up their chocolates to save the planet. What is the point of fucking Fortnums if it is not to offer hugely expensive grub that proudly rapes the environment?

Ho bloody ho!

Daily Fail

Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.