Rip off Christmas Chocs are a cunt

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I agree with the Chuckle Brothers! The new Quality Street wrappers are dull and shitty.

I buy big tubs of Quality Street every Christmas. Brilliant. Bright sparkly foil wrappings adding to the magic of the season. Poured into glass bowls they twinkle and shine invitingly. Well not this year. Thanks to the eco-zealots, chocolates have to be dull and boring.

While on the subject, the selection boxes are shit nowadays. They are only £1.50 from Tesco, and the reason is that there is fuck all chocolate in them. The finger of fudge keeps getting shorter.

Even Fortnums, the byword for excess, is getting in on the act. They are going to be fucking up their chocolates to save the planet. What is the point of fucking Fortnums if it is not to offer hugely expensive grub that proudly rapes the environment?

Ho bloody ho!

Daily Fail

Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.

73 thoughts on “Rip off Christmas Chocs are a cunt”

  1. Says a customer, ‘I’m sorry, but they’re cheap looking and depressing. They reek of war-time austerity.’
    So a bit like the Chuckle Brothers then.

  4. Make the most of your chocolate treats this Christmas, by this time next they’ll be banned due to murdering the planet, and being an unhealthy option.

    Oh and Christmas will be banned due to causing offence.

    On a more serious note, there’s been a serious backlash from customers buying these QS tins and finding those dull eco-friendly wrappers inside. Hopefully people will stop buying them and it will sink the fucking company!

    Go Woke Go Wank, or summat

    • Curly Wurly bars used to be fucking enormous when I was a kid, but now they’ve reduced in size by over half.

      KitKats also – Joan Collins could probably shove 5 Chunky KitKats up her chuff and still have room to spare!

      • You could use a curly wurly to scale walls back in the day, and wagon wheels. Nah they was always shit..

      • Turkish Delight bars were utter shite as well.

        I remember the TV ads for them back in the 70s and 80s, with some Arab bird dancing around provocatively in the middle of the desert trying to entice you with her Turkish Delight!

        Bloody awful stuff – best used as wood filler or grout!

      • Our window cleaner used to use a Curly Wurly before he could afford proper ladders.

      • You and me techno must be of a similar age. Remember that joke doing the rounds at school.

  6. In ten years time you will be hard pushed to find a quality street, at the rate the third world vermin are invading.

    Celebrations will be banned unless it ram a dam a ding dong.

    And all hero’s will be pulled down and chucked into the nearest body of water.

    Oops sorry this is about chocolate..
    My mistake.

  7. 🎼🎵 A finger of Fudge is no longer enough to give your (insert word) a treat 🎶
    You miserable Cadbury Cunts…

  8. The only tub of Christmas chocs I really like are Celebrations. But I have to be quick before my wife and her mother pinches all the Maltesers, Marathons (not fucking Snickers!), Twixes and Galaxies. Leaving just the Mars bars and Bounty bars, which I’m not keen on at all.

  10. No doubt the virtue signalling cunts have also realised it’s a lot fucking cheaper too.
    This is Nestle we’re talking about. A global company who’s first and only concern is profit. No problem there, but don’t insult people by claiming it’s going to save Antarctica.
    As for Mr Chuckle, he’s a cunt for backtracking.
    So long as it delays Armageddon by 10 seconds, he’s now all for it.
    Merry fucking Christmas!

  11. All done in the name of profit, wrapped up in some save the planet bullshite that, apparently our so called King is going to spout off about tomorrow, if so then fuck of Chas, you preaching globalist shill, try and take a leaf out of your mothers book.

    Anyhow, Chocolates not good for you, I much prefer humbug at this time of year.

    • Good nom 20👍

      And your right to listen to the sage advice of the Chuckle Brothers.

      Every purchase we make as a family be it a car, insurance, sofa, whatever we stop, think ‘ what would Barry Chuckle do .
      And go from there.

      The new wrappers on Quality street are piss poor.
      Is it old Hamster bedding?
      Or used tissues?

      I’m a Roses man myself.
      I take out all the hazelnut whirls whilst in the shop as they’re my favourite,
      And it’ll lead to squabbling.
      The war of the Roses.

      • Caught up with any of the boxing mis?
        Wilder looks finished, so lacklustre..

        That daniel dubois did well, the other fella looked like a sumo wrestler.. 333 pounds
        😳

      • Only on the online news Baz.
        Looks like that ducky cunt Joshua had a good night and Wilder came unstuck?

        Couldn’t of predicted that could you?!

        Aren’t they signed up to fight each other next?

        Both of them have the same problem,
        They fall in love with themselves.
        Believe they’re own hype

      • What would Barry Chuckle do?
        Not a lot really. He’s been deceased about 4 years now hasn’t he?

        Always looked like someone who shouldn’t be allowed near a school, while he cunningly disguising himself as 80s era Ian Rush.

  13. I only eat green & blacks choccy now. can’t stand Cadbury etc since they started chucking all that palm oil in it. 🤮🤮🤮

    • I’m deeply apposed to Cadburys Heroes.

      Tiny little versions of chocolate bars like from a Rick Moran is film.

      These chocolate bars are already shrunken by half since my childhood!

      I don’t by thing by how small they can be.

      I remember we used a Wagon Wheel as a dining table from 1973-1981.
      Value for money!

      Took two men to lift one.
      Now the fuckin things are so small they get lodged under your fingernails.

      • Don’t forget those Texan bars.

        They too were bloody enormous back in the day – could probably feed a family of 4.

        But now I think is been discontinued.

        Then there’s the Yorkie bars – but they’ve shrunk to the size of a tiddlywink that wouldn’t feed a mouse.

      • Techno@

        In the 70s on a Friday afternoon my dad like most dad’s would get his wage packet and 2 things would be guaranteed.

        1) it was a chippy tea
        2) he’d bring home a chocolate bar for everyone.

        Any new bars would be purchased out of curiosity for a family trial by jury .

        I remember the first Yorkie I tried.
        My child’s jaw didn’t have the strength to bite through
        And my kids milkteeth didn’t have a suitable cutting edge.

        My dad had to shatter it with a lump Hammer dropping shards into the eager mouths of us kids like baby birds .

        They were dense ingots if 18karat chocolate.

    • Is that why Cadbury’s chocolate now tastes of arse, or as Cadbury’s owners would say, ‘ass’?

  14. You know it Christmas when you go to a family home and you see a box of Dates on their dining table.

    Dates and a poxy box of After Eight mints and/or Matchmakers – cheap bastards.

    And as for Dates – you only ever see this abominations at Christmas time. The rest of the year they’re probably stuffed up Fat Reg’s arsehole.

    Who eats these things anyway?

    • Much beloved by the park key community Techno.
      Our local Daki shop has piles of the bloody things, probably to provide a sugar rush for the taxi drivers so they have enough energy for grooming underage girls.

  17. Walnut Whips were great at parties when trying to seduce some bird across the room.

    Never bothered with the walnut, but would stick my tongue inside the whip provocatively.

    Never worked of course. The bird always went off with some flash cunt with a car or latest phone.

    • A mate of mine recommended shoving socks down my pants to impress the girlies.
      No fucking luck so far.
      Next time I think I’ll put them down the front, see if that works.

  18. Another thing. Those hollow Lindt Santas were fucking hard to find this year. I ended up having to buy 3 for the price of two in a WH Smiths’ “deal”. Utter cunt. I only wanted two, and the third one was not free as the first two were overpriced by fifty-percent!

    Oh, and fucking plain chocolate Bounty bars are discontinued. Apparently some cunts didn’t like them. I thought they were very sophisticated.

    I have written to Mr Chuckle to find out if there is any pressure that he can bring to bear to stop this trifling with our treats.

    Good morning, everyone.

      • Morning, MNC. Mr Chuckle is the new Henry Kissinger. He could sort out the Ukraine and Gaza before teatime!

      • Morning mate,
        A shrewd businessman and ruthless as a Rockefeller.

        The Chuckles dynasty will last a thousand years.

  19. Do they still do those Flake commercials of old?

    You know, the ones from the 70s/80s with some very tasty girly unwrapping a Flake and then giving it a good old lick down its length before giving it a full-on gobble!

    (I never really understood the subliminal message at the time, being only a young teen).

    I suppose now it would be some trans heffalump neckbeard chomping on 12 Flakes at a time!

  20. This being Christmas, well almost, I’ve just opened a box of Fox’s Classic Biscuit Selection.

    More packaging than biscuits. What am I supposed to do, eat the fucking box and the moulded plastic inserts?

    Cunts.

    • I bought the other half a chocolate Ammonite from Hotel Chocolat for his birthday, because of his interest in ancient history and he took it that I was having a pop about his age, the ungrateful cunt.

  23. Christmas time and there would be the string bag of nuts and of course, the nut crackers.

    Why?

    If you did manage to smash open a nut with the nut cracker then it would either be rotten or stale.

    And you would still be finding shards of nut shells down the back of the setee in March.

    • Couldn’t find any nuts for shelling this Christmas. ‘Sold Out’ they said at Tesco and Sanisbury’s. Lying cunts. Maybe it is the war in Gaza? Or, more likely, it is a plot by the fucking marxist cunts to further undermine Jesus’ birthday celebrations. Fuck off, Sunak.

  25. I would strongly advise all fellow cunters NOT to visit Hotel Chocolat this Christmas then….went and had a look around yesterday, saw the prices and went for a stiff drink afterwards. Fuck me, there must be some gullibile cunts out there

  26. Both sides of the Christmas choccy blitzkreig annoy me.

    Cheaper but old favourites have been wrecked. Roses were ruined years ago, Quality Street has now gone the same way, and there are now about ten versions of the chocolate orange.

    And the expensive shite with pretentious adverts can piss off and all.

    ‘Handmade by our renowned specialist chocolatier….’

    They make it in a factory, so fuck off.

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