As you are aware I am retiring in June, so I have been awaiting a missive from the DWP. Well Mrs CuntyMort found the long awaited envelope this morning. Soaking fucking wet outside the back door!!!.

If our CUNT of a post person is reading this, here’s a clue you gormless twat. The fucking letterbox is around the front of Cunty Towers. I will be making an official complaint to the twatting post office.

If you think I am going to buy a post box to put at the back of the towers here’s a hint, wish in one hand and shit in the other see which hand fills first.

Sorry admin that there is no link this has actually happened to myself and her indoors.

Nominated by: CuntyMort

It seems to me that in recent years, we’ve heard an awful lot of noise from feminist gender war warriors about ‘toxic masculinity’; you know, those male characteristics and traits that they find ‘problematic’ (a great gender war and woke term, that).

Funnily enough, we don’t tend to hear so much from them about ‘toxic feminism’, and even when we do, it’s couched in very defensive terms. Take this quote from an article I read the other day;

‘toxic masculinity encourages violence and domination in order to uphold an unequal power dynamic…toxic femininity supports silent acceptance of violence and domination in order to survive‘

Now this sort of stuff really gets my neck up. ‘Toxic femininity’ is all about quiet submissiveness and acquiescence then, about ‘victimhood’.

Just like the case of Erin Hebblewhite, jailed for two years and banned from teaching for life for the sexual abuse of a teenager in her care;

Express News

Just like Sheree Spencer, jailed after a terrible 20 year campaign of abuse against her husband, who threatened to claim that HE was the abuser if he called the cops;

Mirror News

Just like Jennifer Rocha, a delivery driver who bit a customer’s thumb clean off;

BBC News

It’s clear to me that in all of these examples, the women were ‘victims’ of that ol’ unequal power dynamic. Not.

Now of course I’m not attempting to argue that men aren’t capable of acting like complete cunts. That would be ridiculous. But I’d have a lot more respect for the feminist critique of masculinity if it would just own that woman also have that capacity for manipulative, devious, predatory and violent behaviour.

Come on then, all you ‘toxic masculinity’ advocates, show a bit of honesty. Own those ‘problematic’ traits and characteristics that your own sex also possesses; admit that you’re not just made of sugar and spice and all things nice.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

It can be a bit of a bugger at times.“A bit of a bugger” surely you mean cunt? C.A. You’re unwell, and not really up to a trip to the supermarket, especially if you need heavy stuff.

So you decide to give yourself a break and order online. Now, I know you can tick the “No substitutions” box, but come on! If you order lemon scented washing up liquid, and they don’t have it, surely they’ll send you apple scented instead? You’d think so, wouldn’t you?

Check this out, then.

I’m absolutely convinced that the pickers do shit like this on purpose. I think they have a league table, or point scoring system. I bet they all get together in the pub, after work, and swap stories about the most outrageous substitution they’ve done.

And laugh about it, the cunts!

Which.co.uk

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

(Morning all. As of tomorrow – 3rd April – we will be going back to 3 nominations per day, every day @7am, 11am and 3pm. Thank you – The Admin Team)

Hello Cunters and let me introduce you to the Fuckwitt family – dad Keir, mum Rachel and teenage son Ed.

Sadly Ed is not the full ticket and attends the Westminster Cloud Cuckoo Land Academy (school motto: ‘Not the Real World’). Ed’s teacher, Miss Thunberg, convinced him that the polar bears were drowning which turned Ed into a full-on adolescent eco-warrior with a mental age of 6.

Ed demanded lots of shiny new eco-toys from Santa last Christmas. Dad Keir said Ed could have the toys and couldn’t have the toys, depending on the day of the week. But mum Rachel holds the family purse strings, and she said that Santa couldn’t afford 28 billion for the new toys, most of which wouldn’t work anyway, so Ed had to go without.

To placate him and avoid a teenage strop, she promised another of Miss Thunberg’s demands – to replace the central heating with something called a ‘heat pump’, which is what most people call a ‘fridge’.

The Fuckwitts work at the same place and both are expecting a promotion later this year. But as Rachel Fuckwitt works in Accounts, she knows full well that the place is as good as bankrupt. So they won’t be getting a pay rise, and they won’t be able to afford the ‘heat pump’ either. Besides, who wants to shell out over 10 thousand pounds to be 15C colder every winter?

So what is the cerebrally-challenged Ed going to do when he finds out? I forsee a gigantic teenage tantrum on the horizon. Instead of trying to use his brain, a task for which he is so ill-equipped, perhaps Ed should stick to something simpler, like trying to negotiate his chops around a bacon sandwich.

Ah, on second thoughts …

Politico News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt 

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(Didn’t some cunt say Africa no longer needs “White Man’s Aid Money”? – Day Admin)

Famine looms in Sudan as civil war survivors tell of killings and rapes’

Get a shit song written, advance the careers of whatever or whoever passes as musicians these days, and get a global concert going.

Bouncy, Addled, Sheeran, One fucking Direction would all be eager to participate. Raise millions, those warlords must need new trucks and guns.

Although, now Geldof is (mysteriously, allegedly) very rich, perhaps he hasn’t got the time.

BBC News

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

(Seems that impoverished Bob is worth a cool $150m  – Day Admin)