Does this sentence look pathetic to you? Be forever grateful that you hail from a wealthy and fertile land, a land that produces an abundance of goods and services. Be thankful you can afford to trade for such pleasantries and caprices as VOWELS. I have created “Vowels For Wales”, a non-profit NGO primarily dedicated to helping those most wretched of souls. If you have any vowels you don’t really need, please send them in.

Thousands of Welsh owe their miserable lives to the afflictions of their native tongue. They sit in their caves with their sheep and prostrate themselves before their ever so meek twig-and-pebble alters, bedecked as they are with any shiny things they might have found while doing pilgrimages to Tintern Abbey and the Wye Valley, and chant phonetically, in a language even they cannot comprehend.

Some naysayers foment that it’ll never work just giving them vowels. They say we’ll only encourage in them sloth and dependency. They insist the Welsh should be encouraged to avail themselves of their amazing comparative advantage in the production of consonants. They would be far better off trading with prolific vowel suppliers like, maybe, the Hawaiians.

They might be right; It is simple economics I reckon.

Nominated by: Cuddling Aquarians

If you hate men so fucking much why do most of you look like one? You’re hypocritical Doc Marten wearing rug munching cunts. If you want true equality don’t go running to the old bill when you get a smack in the fucking mush pleading “Oh, but I’m a woman” (who has been bleating on about hating blokes and equality for fuck knows how long.)

Nominated by: Cripplecock

The days are long gone when to be “gay” meant happy, a “dyke” was a dam and a “spade” was a horticultural implement.

Nominated by: Toadspanker