I’m not talking about the third of the world’s population that were born to use chopsticks.
Those sneaky, yellow fuckers deserve their own cunting.

I’m talking about the smug bastards who think that they are impressing people when they use chopsticks.

Go to any Chinese restaurant on any night of the week and there will be at least one cunt, perhaps even a table full of cunts who insist on ‘living the experience’ by eating with these ridiculous things.

Who the fuck do these people think that they are?

They are certainly not impressing the waiters.
The waiters have been using chopsticks since they learned how to feed themselves.
They are just amused by the efforts of westerners.
They probably chat amongst themselves “又一个他妈的贱人” (Another fucking cunt).

They don’t impress any of the other diners in the restaurant.
They just think that they are wankers.

How many hours have these dimwits spent at home practicing, using elastic bands?
How many shirts have they ruined by dropping food on themselves?

These are the people who order a Chinese takeaway and ask for it to be delivered with chopsticks.

After many hours of practice and hundreds of failed attempts they go to the local Chinese restaurant.

Fucking idiots.

You think that you sound sophisticated by insisting on using chopsticks when everyone else uses a knife and fork?

You think that other people will regard you as well travelled?
You’re not.
You might have been to an international hotel in Hong Kong where there was a 15 minute demonstration on how to use chopsticks, but that just makes you a bigger cunt.

Do these same people go to an Indian restaurant and eat with their hands?

If I was Chinese and owned a restaurant and someone asked for chopsticks I would give them a plate of peas as well.

See how you get on with them, you cunt.

Nominated by : The Artful Cunter

The BBC using Michael Mosley’s death as a climate change push? Surely not. They’ve scrabbled enough deaths, five, over 131km² to justify their ridiculous story. That’s a little over 1 heat death per 26km², bigger than the island nation of Nauru.

Anyway stop driving, eating meat, having kids, using aircon or farting too much. Michael Mosley died because of all of you. Yes, you. Not anyone at the BBC. You. It’s your fault.

BBC News.

Nominated by : Migrane

A cunting please for Life Wirral School, Wallasey.
(It’s on Merseyside, laaaa. Draw your own conclusions, laaa – NA.)

Fuck me, I really thought I wouldn’t have to pen another nomination on this sort of topic so soon after the last one. Once again, disabled children have been abused at a school that was paid big money to look after them. This time, said abuse had involved swearing at children, mocking their disabilities/conditions, and putting them in what the BBC describes as ‘dangerous headlocks.’ One senior staff member even confessed to fantasising about drowning a child (!!!). Oh, and the CEO is an abusive narcissist too who (allegedly) bragged about assaulting a child.

Can someone please give me some sort of explanation as to why, post-Winterbourne View, places like this are still allowed to exist, and people like this are still allowed to get these sorts of jobs? Answers on a fucking postcard please.

BBC News.

https://www.lifewirral.com/ (Read their hilarious statement here – NA)

Addendum: on the same day, this has been published. Maybe if the relevant authorities actually did their jobs properly and ensured that money WASN’T going to such heinous institutions, the deficit wouldn’t be as large?

BBC News.

Nominated by : OpinionatedCunt

Daily Fail.

Scion of the celebrity chef and complete waste of DNA, Marco Pierre White Jnr is not only a cunt but a fucking plank to boot.

The drugged-up criminal nugget posted pictures of his tattooed arse on Instagram then broke into a deli to steal money from the till. Squeezing out of the broken window his trousers got snagged, revealing the anal artwork on CCTV, thus making his identification a doddle. So that’s another spell in chokey for Brain of Britain.

But this case got me wondering. What tattoos might others have which would reveal their identity in similar circumstances? I’ll give you some of our soon-to-be Lords & Masters for starters:

MAGIC GRANDPA
On his Iron Curtain road trip with Diane Abbott, Grandpa had Karl Marx and Diane tattooed by the State Tattooist in East Berlin (no Imperialist, Capitalist tattoo running dogs for our Jezza). Sadly the ravages of time have rendered Diane’s image into a thick, black blob. So just like the real thing really.

EMILY THORNBELLIES
Due to its immense size, Lady Nuge has had all 361 chapters of War and Peace imprinted round the back door.

GRETA TURDBERG
Grotta wishes to maintain her virginity, so her bum reads simply ‘How dare you!’

OWEN JONES
‘Marxists only’ on one buttock, ‘Never been bummed by a Tory’ on the other. Owen’s party piece is to fart ‘the Red Flag’ through his rectal prolapse.

DAWN BUTLER
Dawn is art-free around the rear. However she can still be identified by the fact that her arse is indistinguishable from her face.

ANGELA TWO HOMES
Crayons has ‘Front or back’ on one, and ‘You choose’ on the other. Classy.

DAME KEIRA
Finally our glorious PM-in-Waiting. Keira started having tattoos done but changed her mind half way through. So nobody knows what they represent.

Dark key cunt added this regarding body desecration:

People with tats are not cunts per se. I have six but I treat my body like my living room walls. I would like a picture here and there. What I don’t want is a fucking mural. The tats are Arsenal or Leicester Tigers related and also related to my Hindu heritage (an Om and an Asoka’s Wheel, the wheel on the Indian flag). They are individual pictures on my limbs, not some ridiculous bollocks all over a limb.

I love Courtney Lawes as a rugby player but what the fuck is the point of this? He’s of mixed race but he wants to be green.

OK.co.uk.

There was some bint who worked at the reception at my gym who had loads of tats and I thought nothing of it until I had to speak to her at the reception about my membership. I then saw that she had cobwebs tattooed into both ears. That’s nothing other than a mental illness.

Cunt!

What is it with people nowadays?

Why does every phenomenon need a conspiracy associated with it?

I’m not saying there are no conspiracies, as we’ve seen a number of examples of cover -ups and official misdirection in recent years, but why do simple things need a complicated conspiracy attached to them?

Years ago you just wouldn’t bother; you’d agree to disagree with someone who remembered something being different to how you remember it and move on with life. You wouldn’t swear you 100% remember something as it wasn’t, spit your dummy out and call it a conspiracy. It says something about the 21st century mindset; there’s an ugly narcissism and complete lack of humility about it.

This flat-earth-level fuckery has lead some dickheads to assert the psychological phenomenon of the Mandela Effect is caused by experiments at CERN or sometimes that old chestnut HAARP, shifting us all into a parallel dimension where we ‘misremember’ the past as it really was

What is more likely: People misremember things from Films and TV and there is confirmation bias amongst networks of friends, or that some fucking black holes or dimensional rift was involved because of superconducting magnets underneath France?

The very name of ‘Mandela Effect’ is a misnomer – it’s based on the supposed shared memory of several people having seen or read that Nelson Mandela died in jail. I’ve never thought that, maybe I was too young to register it but I remember the news of his release.

Same goes for the film Big. Some people swear blind that Elizabeth Perkins’ character joins Tom Hanks in regressing back to childhood after using the same fairground Zoltar cabinet. I only remember the film as described normally. Josh Baskin returns to being a boy and runs back to his home and his is relieved to see him again after thinking he was kidnapped. It would’ve added an unnecessary complication to have Susan regress to childhood as well and generally foul-up the narrative conventions of film storytelling; equilibrium is not restored, the woman goes missing and everyone in her life worries.

The alternative ending idea never made sense.

So why are certain pop cultural facts changed by this and not everyone is affected?

Another supposed phenomenon is people remembering airliners with engines underneath their wings. Ever since I was a child and owned Matchbox toys of 747s or Airbus they usually have the engine protruding from the leading edge of the wing via a diagonally-angled pylon. The only airliner I remember having engines under the wings was Concorde.

There seems to be a lot of very trivial misremembering about clothing logos and TV episodes and eighties films, and perhaps calling it the Mandela Effect is overselling the whole phenomenon.

It’s a real phenomenon of human memory, but the reasons behind seem to me obvious and mundane.

Forbes.

What’s far more concerning is Soviet-style memory-holing by big tech of certain occurrences and quotes by governments and corporations, which are often excused as ‘errors’ when pointed out.

Do we need more conspiracy theories when there’s enough shady shit and gaslighting being done already?

Nominated by : Cuntamus Prime