If you happen to use trains, you will know that they have limited spaces for bikes and cyclists are encouraged to book a space beforehand.

Despite this, nearly every time I get on a train, which is quite often, there is some sort of argument or commotion, where somebody or often a group, have turned up on the off chance they will get on with their bikes. This is particularly noticeable on weekends and bank holidays.

There will either be a heated argument with the poor cunt train manager who eventually tells them to sling their hook, or they wheedle their way on and then you get about a dozen bikes stacked up against the doors. There is rarely any consideration as to who is getting off first so whenever the fucking train stops, a sort of pantomime ensues and you may find muddy tyres rolling over your clothes, or get clouted around the head by a flailing handlebar.

It is usually middle class cunts, who look at you like you are covered in dog shite when you politely ask if you can get past, to get off the train.
I’m not usually in favour of increasing train fares but any cunt indulging in this behaviour should be made to pay an on-the-spot fine such as the equivalent fare of another person, but obviously a sound beating would be even better.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

Deja Vu is a cunt, is it not?. (Didn’t you just nominate this? – NA)

There are certain times in my life, I look back and feel a sense of disappointment, fear, foreboding. It happened in 1964 when I left the RN. It happened in 1990 when Mrs Thatcher was deposed by a bunch of wankers. It happened again last Thursday, when Anthony Blair’s ventrioloquists doll, Kweer Charmer got his capacious arse in the big chair at 10 Downing Street. The grinning moronic arsehole hasn’t stopped gurning since. The BBC go on about him like they used to fawn about Blair, although he is some kind of God, and they even managed to combine Kweer and the world cup on Wireless 4 this morning (just like Blair, his dummy loves football, but probably the pair of them still don’t realise there is more to football than sniffing Harry Kane’s jockstrap and the team bath.)

Deja Vu is a horrible thing – especially when you are taken back to the late 1990s, not a good time in anyones book.

There is so much to despise him for – brinming back expenses swindler Jacqui Smith, and the mincing Alan Milburn into government – just two old age pensioner Blairites, too weak and scared to ditch Rayner the cabinet bike. proposing either Mandy or David Miliband as the British Ambassador in Washington – one bent , the other in the closet (allegedly) – that will go down like a ton of shit with Donald Trump, who seems likely to be the next President.

But no surer sign of Starmer’s arselicking (apart from appointing Georgia Gould, daughter of Blair’s special friend, dead dad Philip Gould) as a minister only having got into Parliament last Thursday, is the revival of the disgusting money wasting PFI which built so many shit hospitals and dodgy buildings in Blair’s early days.

2024 is not the time to try the tricks of the late 1990s.

Morning Star.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

If you are going to write a song or make a film involving simple science, at least get the fucking facts right. You might argue this is a somewhat pedantic cunting, but it`s just plain irritating.

Here are 3 embarrassing examples …

Film: The Wizard of Oz
[After the Wizard gives the Scarecrow his diploma, he says,] “The sum of the square roots of any 2 sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.”
■ I would suggest the diploma awarding body needs investigating and the qualification withdrawn.
(The actual formula relates to a right angled triangle. Furthermore, the formula, as stated by our old mate Pythagoras, says the sum of the squares of the lengths of the two shorter sides equals the square of the hypotenuse (the longest side). Not the square roots and not an isosceles triangle. You’re welcome – NA)

Film: The Shawshank Redemption
… Andy is crawling through the sewage pipe, Red, in his narration says that he crawled through 500 yards to the end of the pipe … “just shy of a half mile”.
■ Yep, about 380 yards just shy.

Song: 9 Million Bicycles …
“We are 12 billion light years from the edge”; although to be fair, Katie Melua did issue an amendment …

YouTube.

Bonus: Anything that gushes out of Diane Abbotts mouth connected with numbers. Or anything else, for that matter.

Over to you cunters …

Nominated by : Sam Beau

A nom for ‘Insomnia and deaf signing’.

Being an insomniac and only ever sleeping five-ish hours, I often find myself awake at 5am and, not having to leave for work until 6:30 have an hour or so to kill.

If you watch an otherwise regular program at that time of the day, there’s often a sign language person intruding over about a sixth of the screen. What irrirates the fuck out of me is not the signing, it’s the unnecessarily mọngy facial expressions they always pull. They look like Harvey Price eating his dinner and presumably they’re flinging saliva this way and that.

Stop gurning and get off the screen…subtitles are available for a reason.

Nominated by : Thomas the Cunt Engine

Hi everyone, I want to cunt Tyce Erickson, another weapon crazed yank cunt, this cocksucker kills a Kodiak bear because he has a small cock and thinks he is a hard man, I bet the cunt would be different in 30 feet of sea with a thresher shark or bull shark, another mentally ill cunt who needs removing from the planet, as ricky Gervais once said, if you kill animals for pleasure, you are a cunt, I rest my case..link provided.

“Hunter poses with enormous, 1,000lbs Kodiak Island bear in Alaska and reveals how he fought off the ‘charging’ beast | Daily Mail Online”

Daily Fail

Nominated by Sidthesexistsforeskin.