Complaining about Christmas

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Just for the sake of balance I would like to cunt complaining about Christmas. Yes, there are certainly things I don’t like about it – the commercialism, the fact it starts earlier every year, the fact it’s been infiltrated by the diversity fascists, and I understand that it’s a very difficult time of year for some people because of mental health problems or family circumstances or tragedy – those people are very much excluded from this cunting – but that stuff aside I enjoy the food and drink, spending time with my family (something I don’t get to do as much now with a demanding part time job and a degree to study for), the look on my brother’s face when the day comes around and he opens his presents (as I’ve mentioned before he’s severely autistic so still has the mental capacities of a toddler), the giving, and receiving gifts which I know my family have thought long and hard about and have got me because it’s something I’ve asked for, something I need, or something I haven’t considered which they know me well enough to know I’ll like. Yes the commercialism and all that is a ballache but it always has been there to an extent, it always will be and if you ignore that and do a DIY Christmas then it’s perfectly possible to enjoy this time of year. Quite frankly, I can’t help but think that shitting on Christmas has in of itself become a bit of a trend and that’s just as irritating as the tendency for some people to go overboard with their love of the season. So lighten up you miserable grinches and enjoy it for what it is. I don’t imagine this one will be popular but if I wanted to be popular I wouldn’t say 95% of the shit I say. ?

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

‘Have a nice day’

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Have a nice day.

What’s wrong with a good old cheery “Ta-ta” or “Bye” or “See yer next time”?
Why are we faced with this cuntish Americanism everywhere we go?
This teeth grindingly annoying phrase was idly thrown at me by some mouth breathing, hard of thinking low brow as I left a supermarket the other day. It was after 9pm. I rest my fucking case.
Oh, and while I’m on, what about……..”reach out.”?

Nominated by Pipesmoka

Christmas

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I’m going to nominate Christmas for a cunting.

Not Christmas as we remember it, the one where your present was a carefully selected item you really wanted and behaved to deserve.

Not the Christmas where we waited until December to make the decorations at school and prepare for the nativity play.

The Christmas I want to cunt is this millennial multicultural greedy overpriced faux-sentimental load of fucking crap that we have to put up with these days. I fucking hate it and I’m sure everyone who enjoys this site will have plenty to say about why we say “for Christ’s sake” plenty at this time of year but for the wrong reasons.

Nominated by Ethelred Bedhead

God [2]

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God. A total cunt. Omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent – the omnicunt.

Has made a total balls of everything and, in true cunt fashion, will doubtlessly blame feckless humans for not sticking to the script, climatic or geological disturbances (which he incidentally rejects any responsibility for – a heads-up for the insurance cunts) or his beardy hipster son. Who’s also by definition a cunt.

Nominated by Shavi Tupuraz

Posted in God

Person Christmas

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(Person Christmas)

What’s Person Christmas? Well, it’s the non-gender version of Father Christmas and it’s coming soon. Apparently, according to a recent poll, a lot of people don’t care which gender old Saint Nick is. Gina Battye, an LGBT+ identity coach, tells BBC Three that it’s great that more than 17% of people reportedly want a gender-neutral Santa. Hmm. Which begs the question: What the fuck is an identity coach?

? You’d better watch out, you’d better not cry,
Better not pout I’m telling you why,
. Non-gender Santa’s coming to town.?

Perhaps you want to ruin, befuddle and besmirch everybody’s Christmas memories through the decades, perhaps you want to re-write beloved children’s stories, perhaps you just want to shit on everybody’s fun.

? “I saw Mummy kissing non-gender Santa, underneath the Christmas tree….” ?

Here we go. Another smash’n’grab to further belittle the male of the species. Dr.Who, James Bond, the madness will continue. Equal Opportunities for Myths! I’m surprised we still have snowmen left. I can just hear this sour-faced identity coach, “Why are they men? Why are they white? Why are they naked? PERVERT! Let’s teach the world to build non-gender snow persons without oppressive pronouns! Frosty The Snow-queer who identifies as an Easter Bunny!”

Listen Ladyboy, it’s FATHER CHRISTMAS and he’s a long-time, happy concept that brings a little bit of magic to a sombre Wintertime.. Why don’t you take your envy, your misery, your pc carping and shut the fuck up you malignant, titless bulldyke.

 

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous