Labour MP Cat Smith (Lancaster & Fleetwood) is a cunt. She has cancelled a Brexit meeting due to ‘a far right threat’ We don’t know what this threat actually was as the official police statement is:-

‘Lancashire Police said the decision to cancel was “a matter for the MP and her office”.’

Far right again. ie those who disagree with this pointless harpie. Or anyone who voted Leave. In other words, the majority of her constituents who may want some accountability from her. The Nazi bastards.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Meaningless Words and Phrases
I passed a site yesterday where work to construct six townhouses has begun. They’re  described as ‘luxury’ townhouses, presumably to try to fool the public into believing that they’re somehow inherently superior to the ticky-tack rabbit hutches that are the norm these days. ‘Luxury’. It’s one of those words and phrases that have become so devalued by overuse as to render their purpose effectively meaningless. ‘Luxury’ one hour car valet, ‘luxury’ wallpaper, ‘luxury’ cruise, ‘luxury’ fucking bog roll, all priced at ‘just…’, or ‘from as little as…’.

There’s a BMW showroom near to me that’s offering  models with ‘executive’ licence plates. As an add-on, you can have a plate that reads ‘PR1CK’, to announce to the world that it’s possible for a BMW driver to be an even bigger cunt than anyone thought possible. ‘Executive’ luggage, ‘executive’ lounge, ‘executive’ apartment…
Bought any washing up liquid or shampoo recently? I bet that it’s ‘new’, ‘improved’, ‘best ever’, even better than last month’s ‘best ever’. You wouldn’t want that ‘ordinary’ stuff. Perhaps it was advertised ‘as seen on tv!!’, history’s most meaningless endorsement.

Mostly such debasement is merely irritating, but in recent years, it’s taken on a more sinister overtone in social and political matters, where ‘ic’s and ‘ist’s are now hurled about with gay abandon. If you don’t avidly espouse the cause of some group or other, you must be transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic or whatever. If you’re worried about levels of immigration or you’re anti EU, you’re obviously Islamophobic or xenophobic, and a racist and fascist to boot. Zealots have used this tactic to cow people into silence and thus gain control of the agenda. Ironically, such persistent, consistent usage over time means that the terminology has devalued to the point where it’s lost its power to intimidate, and is now widely regarded as cant.

I could go on, but to quote the late, great John Major, that would ‘over-egg the fucking pudding’. So I’ll close with my current favourite meaningless phrase, to wit, the ‘people’s vote’; no, let’s utilise one last meaningless phrase, and make that ‘the so-called people’s vote’. Let’s have another vote on EU membership because as we all know, the last one was purely for gerbils.

Nominated by Ron Knee

The Funny Bone

What´s funny about it? I hit mine against a gate last week and doubled up in such excruciating pain that my daughter thought I had had a heart attack. The pain took ages to subside and I now have a shiny king-sized bruise to remind me of the presence of this treacherous part of my own body just waiting there to entrap me another time when I least expect it.

A plea to my maker with thank to Topol, the Fiddler on the Roof:

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am,
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan,
If I didn´t have a fucking funny bone?

Nominated by WalkingWounded

“Sir” James Dyson

It’s about time this cunt was stripped of his knighthood. Actually, it’s about time he was smeared with honey and padlocked to a fire-ant nest.

He moved the production of Hoovers (I know that’s a trademark but I’m sure it would piss him off to think people refer to his overpriced vacuum cleaners like this) to Malaysia in 2002 and offshored his washing machine manufacturing the following year.

Although he is pro-Brexit, he really isn’t helping by giving Remoaners ammo like this. If you’re that confident in Britain, you should put your (considerable) money where your (considerable) mouth is – repatriate all the manufacturing and leave the HQ here.

You are a cunt sunshine.

Nominated by Thirkleby Spunktrumpet

Dogs are cunts. I’ve probably raised a lot of heckles just saying that, but I’m sorry – with the exception of sniffer dogs, service dogs and guide dogs, they are. They frequently bark at night when I’m trying to sleep, whenever I pass one on the pavement I usually have to either cross the road or, if it’s clear, go into the road in case the mutt in question tries to lunge at me, they smell, they slobber, they shit everywhere, they destroy property, they’re a nightmare to deal with on a paper round (which I help my mother with whenever I’m back here) from both a noise perspective and the fear that they might bite off your fingers through the letterbox, they’re dangerous and even fatal if not properly controlled, they frequently growl at people in the street, they bark aggressively at each other in the street (much to the chagrin of surrounding pedestrians), they’re extremely loud… Then there’s the whole ‘no such thing as a bad dog’ crap – fuck off! I understand that the owner does play a large role in determining a dog’s behaviour but not all dogs are the same and saying as much is just as absurd as saying that men and women are the same. I know a lot of you like dogs and I understand your reasons why, but to me they are foul, disgusting, unhygienic, annoying, vicious mutts that I want nowhere near me.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt