That fucking Britain hating, poor people despising, champagne socialist, groaniad reporter, racist cunt Afua Hirsch again…

This evening I made the huge mistake of turning on sly news. Project fear, project fear, project fear, so I decided to peruse some recording on my sly box.
The pledge was on. Oh good I thought…

Michelle dewbury…

Having grabbed some tissues and fetched the hand cream (only joking ?) I was rather miffed to find that she wasn’t on. Instead it was Afua Hirsch. I’d rather wank to dirty pictures of Louis shhpenths getting shafted by John major than that cunt Hirsch, so I thought I’d settle down in my armchair and listen to what they had to say…
BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.
She decided to discuss … Yea you’ve guessed it … the far fucking right.
Having bitched and moaned about what a horrible hateful cunt Tommy Robinson is, without providing any evidence besides stating that he punched a migrant (Yea, good. The cunt deserved a slap and he got one… so fuckin what?), she then proceeds to complain that society isn’t doing enough to combat people that don’t have same options as her.

Then she starts whinging about how YouTube should be shutting all these people down.
She then says that the far right just try to shut people down, you know … that’s their tactic.
Yes really. She said that. That’s how fucking dumb she is.

Next she whines about how the “far right” get them young and indoctrinate kids.
I don’t know what planet this fucking retard has been living on for the last few decades, but if it’s this one, she’s surely been on some kind of mind altering substances…
The left indoctrinate kids every day in every fucking school, at every opportunity, and has this idiot ever watched the BBC or sky news?
Some cunters may remember me mentioning a show called fyi a while back. A very innocent looking kids show with the usual multi-coloured “box of fucking smarties” cunts presenting.
First subject – climate change,
Second subject – fake news,
Third subject – refugees….
I stopped onto it briefly the other day and the cunts were going to Mexico to interview some Mexican kids that were trying (ILLEGALLY) to get over the border.

Is that part of the “far right” indoctrination of the children?
Well …. if the kids aren’t communist jihad sympathisers then yes. They are.
I wouldn’t mind so much if by the “far right” she meant the kkk or the British Nazi party (If such a thing exists), but she doesn’t. She means all of us. Everyone in society that disagrees with her warped, elitist, ivory tower view of the world.

Anyway. I swore loudly at the tv, turned it all off and now I’m sitting in silence listening to my heart try to burst out of my chest like a fucking alien or something, muttering Afua Hirsch is a cunt Afua Hirsch is a cunt Afua Hirsch is a cunt Afua Hirsch is a cunt…….
I think I need therapy, even if it’s only the ISAC kind.
I definitely need to make sure that I never watch anything with Afua Hirsch in it again.
She’s detrimental to my health. Physical and emotional.
I suggest you guys avoid her too if you know what’s good for you.

What a cunt.

Nominated by Deploy The Sausage

Seconded. She is privileged, well-educated and dedicated to keeping alive the massive chip on her shoulder in order to make a decent living from doing so. She campaigned for Nelson’s Column to be removed because it celebrated a racist war criminal. (Not far off the truth, as it goes, but the scoring system was a bit different back then). Well missus; try going to Rome and convincing the Eyeties to pull down all of their monuments and statuary just because selected Caesars played a bit rough and ready with the plebs.

A shame that fuckers like this put so much time and energy into railing against one of the safest and fairest societies in the World (they are all very welcome to fuck off if they disagree), particularly as she has seen plenty of the real dogshit nations and should appreciate what we have – or at least used to have – here.

Amongst the many racial stereotypes that are attributed – sometimes fairly, sometimes less so – to those of African descent, that of ‘harbouring a grudge’ seems to be well deserved. Can’t think of any other group that keeps raking up the dirt from events that happened hundreds of years ago. Oh, perhaps the Irish. And the Scots, obviously. And the Abbos …………..and the Apaches ………….. and the England Team knocked out of the World Cup by the “Hand of God” ………………….

Nominated by Gunner Sugden

Cunts that Value my Feedback

Yet another aspect of the modern World (where I clearly don’t belong) that is galloping out of control and increasingly winding me up. There seems to be a direct correlation between the rate at which the standard, speed and courtesy of many services is deteriorating and a global obsession with finding out how I score those very same services. My whole life is turning into a gameshow.
Why does everything need a fucking score out of 5?

If I enjoyed the meal and you were a pleasant and attentive waiter, I will tip you a tenner.

If you have charged me for carrying out a full service on my car, yet I can still see the mileage written in my own handwriting on the oil filter that I fitted a year ago, I will leave you in no doubt that I am ‘not best pleased’ and you need to sort the fucker out fairly sharpish.

I do not want, or need, to get home and receive a hatful of Emails asking me to rate my ‘experience’ or whether I would ‘recommend you to a friend’. (Particularly hurtful that one; do I look like the sort of cunt that has friends?). Nor do I want a chirpy follow up Email every day for the rest of my life simply because I once bought a printer cartridge from you.

And even if this practice is understandable and a necessary evil for certain business sectors (thank fuck for Trip Advisor, after all) it seems to have spread to almost every organisation that I have the misfortune to deal with.

Just this week Vodafone Customer Services (Cairo Branch, for some reason), Halfords, Lloyds Bank, my Dentist, my Doctor’s Surgery, my local Pharmacy, SW Trains and Rick Stein are all desperate to know what I think about them. (Just another week in paradise, eh?) I also signed up to do a very popular charity cycle ride in the summer and in addition to asking if I was male/female/trans/other and what ethnic group and religion I represent (surely riding a bike is one of the few things we can all do without disagreeing?) I couldn’t complete the registration without doing a 3-page questionnaire about the registration process itself. For Fuck’s Sake!

Even the local plod, who were far too busy to send someone to investigate when I had a bike nicked out of my garden shed before Christmas, were quick enough to offer me counselling as a ‘Victim of Crime’ and then sent me a bloody online questionnaire to get my ‘Valued Feedback’ on the service provided.

Fuck right off. What about getting my Valued Bike Back instead?

PS Don’t waste your time letting me know what you think about this nomination or anything above, where you first heard it or whether you would share it with a friend. Your scoring – especially if it contains any criticism – means nothing to me and will be given a good stiff ignoring. I need to send out these bullshit questionnaires because some ISO auditor said it would prove I have a Quality Control system in place, but I don’t really give a fuck and I’m not going to change anything based on your response anyway. Save your breath.

Nominated by Gunner Sugden

‘Courtesy Calls’

Brirrrrrrrrrrring brirrrrrrrrrrring!

Me; ‘hello’
Caller; ‘good morning! Is that Mr Knee?’
Me; ‘who’s this?’
Caller; ‘aaah, my name’s Natasha. This is a courtesy call…’
Me; ‘a what? What’s a courtesy call? Hang on, what are you selling?’
Caller; ‘aaah, I’m not trying to sell you anything. We’re in your area…’.
Me; ‘if you’re not trying to sell me anything, why are you phoning me?’
Caller; ‘well, it’s a courtesy call to offer advice on new kitchens…’

Click! Brrrrrrrrrrr…

Just so you know, cunters, because I’m sure you’d never have guessed, that ‘courtesy calls’ are absolutely positively not nuisance calls. ‘Courtesy callers’ are absolutely positively not trying to sell you anything. Ever. They’re just trying to brighten up your day by adding a bit of novelty. Bless!

Nominated by Ron Knee

Ross Greer is a cunt.
No, I’d never heard of the cunt either, but he’s some wet behind the ears, know fuck all Scottish MEP of the Greens persuasion. The spotty ginger dangleberry has decided to educate the world via the cunt echo that is Twitter on Winston Churchill, and the FACT that he was a white supremacist mass murderer. Not sure where he gets his facts from, Owen Jones’ Twitter feed? He seems to have done it for the infamy, as quite a few cunts have had a pop at him, including über Cunt Piers Morgan calling him ‘a ginger turd’. Well Mr Greer, enjoy your thirty minutes in the spotlight, as tomorrow, no one will remember you, and your importance will slide around the S bend of life, never to be seen again. What the fuck do they teach in schools these days!

Nominated by Gutstick Japseye

This is a humble request for an immediate and urgent Cunting for Ross Greer.
Who the fuck is Ross Greer ?
Well I hadn’t heard of him either.
Apparently he is a Green Party MSP, being elected at the tender age of 21.
He’s never done a days work in his life, and even failed to graduate from university, where he was studying Politics and Psychology, a sad loss to the nation I’m sure you’ll agree.
Why is he a cunt ? Well after doing some reading up on him it is clear to me that he is a multi layered cunt. However, the reason for this Cunting is the fact that on the anniversary of Churchill’s death last week, this ginger topped fucking virgin tweeted that the wartime leader was a white supremacist and mass murderer.
Now Churchill was no innocent, but there is no doubt that without his strong leadership, this country would have fallen.
In his 24 years, Ross Greer has done the sum total of fuck all worthwhile, yet he has the fucking gall to besmirch one of the greatest Britons to draw breath.
I have scoured the Internet looking for his denunciations of Stalin, Mao, Hitler etc. and can find not one word, nothing, zero.
No, this little Jackanapes just homes in on a man that helped provide him with the freedoms he enjoys today.
This Cunt is a total fuckwit and an inconsequential lightweight whose inane tweets belittle people who have actually done something for this country.
By the time my uncle was 24 he’d dropped a large tonnage of bombs on the Hun.
This cunt can’t even complete a degree.
Fuck off.

Nominated by Jack The Cunter

The Doran family make you proud to be British.

The gypsy scum roll into New Zealand to wreak havoc on the locals and then have the unmitigated bare faced gall to complain about their treatment after the New Zealand government served them with a deportation order.

These feckless fuckers are even threatening to sue the the Kiwi government after they described the family as ‘scum’ and ‘worse than pigs’. So what did they do to deserve this?

Well, they trashed a beach, threatened locals, left restaurants without paying, trashed the apartment they were staying in, got arrested for assault with a weapon, reckless driving, theft, and fraudulent use of documents.

To top that off, they threatened to ‘knock the brains out’ of locals, trashed their hire car and threatened to assault a cameraman. Another favourite trick was to drop flies and hair into food to avoid paying – although I would have thought that was the way they normally ate?

Amazingly, we let these cunts back into Britain where they threatened to smash a press man’s camera – although to be fair they were pissed on Red Bull at the time (6:30 am). They then sounded off about going to the CAB and Court of Human Rights – no doubt on legal aid as we’re just fucking stupid enough in this country to let them.

A simple question has crossed my mind tho’ and that’s how the fuck did this thieving scum afford the trip in the first place. Perhaps HMRC could ask them?

Nominated by Dioclese

This is beyond Monty Pythonesque!This is sheer cunty piss-taking by British Tourists at its finest.

These knob-ends caused a furore the length and breadth of New Zealand getting all up in the face of the locals: Kiwis hate confrontation, can’t take a timely sledge and are very protective of God-zone. They won’t take trashing of the nation lying down.The UK, after, all, did send its finest to the Land of the Cunty Long White Cloud to do a whole lotta mutual shit kicking with the natives, after which they settled their differences and intermarried and generally avoided the incestuous interbreeding of criminal lines and subjugation of the natives, those poor cunts, the Abos across the Tasman, (Fuck Australia Day), but that’s a whole ‘nother cunting in the wings.

Anyway, both Whiteys and Maori alike are very protective and territorial. We know how to fight, and fight dirty but the cunts don’t always like to buy a fight so these Priceless Touristy Cunts did a right good job outraging the locals and flushing the natives out all over social media in droves. These cunts left trash everywhere they went and hotel rooms smelling of ‘poo’, culminating in the Mayor of Auckland, Phil Goff calling the family “worse than pigs”.
(BTW Goffo is a grubby cunt who’s a serial trougher from the way back so he is one to talk) One hand on his meat hook and the other in the public purse since way back.

It started off with the family leaving litter on a beach and the locals (A bunch of white suburban entitled cunts got precious and the kids basically told everyone they encountered to fuck the fuck orf. One of the kids stole a plastic Christmas Tree from a gas station and threatened to, “knock the block off”, a concerned local who filmed them at the aforesaid beach.

It all degenerated from there and the family was approached by Immigration New Zealand after they allegedly left a trail of destruction in their wake. This almost triggered a race war between NZ and the UK. These clowns were the subject of racial slurs and got called Irish and Gypsy scum. I’ve got gypsy blood and dat don’t bother me, in fact, I find it as amusing as fuck, as it’s what I did back in the day as a student. Leave my trash behind, score free meals and go incognito. Joe Doran, with a new blond hairstyle, told the Daily Mail they were being blamed for “everyone else’s doings”.

Canny Cunts. You’ve got to reserve your cash. NZ is an expensive Socialist Island nation.

Today they landed back in the UK

“It’s been the holiday from hell. It’s lies, they’ve condemned us. We’ve been hiding in the mountains for two days. We wanted to see the Hobbits, Lord of the Rings, didn’t get to see that.” Cute.

And:

“He told the Daily Mail they were going to go to the “Citizens Advice people and the Human Rights people”.

Whether you want to hug ’em or hurt, ’em, this UK family is a bunch of Fucking Funny Cunts. Big ups for dodging the pillorying in the offing. Even going so far as dying their hair.

Nominated by CaliAngel