Gwyneth Paltrow – she’s selling a £57 candle that supposedly smells like her vagina.

According to the ingredients, Gwyneth’s vulva candle smells like “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed”.

I wonder if anyone has put that to the test vs the real thing.

It’s already sold out on her ‘Goop’ website, but if you want your house smelling like rancid fish, supplies of said item will soon be available again.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

A scented candle cunting for “doing my bit for the environment” glitterati whore – Gwyneth Paltrow – is richly deserved.

I thought it was April 1st but no, Ms Paltrow has released a scented candle called “Smells like my vagina!” from her cosmetics/household range. She does not state if the smell essence is taken before or after bathing for the day but I would imagine:

“Scent of Brad Pitt’s Gentleman’s Relish Remnants!” or “Eau Du Effeminate Chris Martin’s Leg Dribbles!” would be more appropriate.

So modern society now monetises internet skank, dirty bathwater and now le parfum of Iron Man’s squeeze’s snatch!?!

Oh, and apparently she’s sold out too. Go get ’em beta soy neck-beard cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

Tom Bradby is a huge cunt.

We all know that, but if anyone Googles this link in the future, I want to leave no doubt.

Bradby has set himself up as the friend and confidante of Ginger Pubes and Little Miss Sparkle. Before the settlement was reached, he stridently announced on the ITV News that if the couple didn’t get the deal they wanted then there could be a ‘kiss and tell’ expose on the inner workings of the Royal Family.

You could almost see Bradby pissing his TENA pad with excitement in his expectation that he would get the scoop if this was the outcome.

Luckily, the Queen has thrashed out a deal so this is now unlikely to happen, unless Little Miss Sparkle dumps Hewitt and spills her story. Hopefully, MI5 have a case on Bradby and that a mysterious and unexplained disappearance of the ‘UK’s Favourite Newsreader’ can’t come around too soon, as far as I am concerned.

Bradby is a giant turd sprayed in glitter and a massive cunt.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

This feudal pit of undeserved privilege needs to be reformed: filled with people who are not very good at what they do, but do not wish to be attended to in their dotage by teen Latvians, so they put on their dead animal badges of furry superiority and shuffle into a rich white Gods waiting room in a haze of Yardley perfume and piss, but no need to hang around long, thirty seconds of clutching a signing device in a withered old claw will guarantee an immediate payment of up to £500 (I kid you not) per day, then away for lunch old boy, in the subsidised restaurants and bars, then put the expenses claim in for the food and grog.

800 utter fucking parasites! Can’t get a job as lollipop lady or Man with a criminal record, but if you have form for fraud, theft, perjury or sex offences, the red leather is that way M’Lord!

Clean out this nest of self-serving, democracy-hating, piss-stinking rats and replace the House of Lords with a new chamber where 300 members of the public chosen without bias or favouritism from a wide cross section of society are given five Year contracts to debate and scrutinise Parliamentary business and legislation.

Can’t be arsed turning up, but still want paying? Fuck off.
Want to fall asleep at work? Fuck off.
Convicted criminal? Fuck off.
Using political allegiance to promote agendas? Fuck off.
Pervert? Fuck off.

Monday to Friday, nine to five, an hour for dinner, a salary of £52,000 PA and four weeks holiday a Year like we get.

Don’t like that? Fuck off.

And not to mention the tidy saving achieved by removing 500 irrelevancies who cost us – get this – two hundred and fifty Million a Year to keep them in brandy and adult nappies! This saving will of course be welcomed by a Government “Committed to savings in the public sector”.

House of Lords? Cunts.

That is all.

Nominated by Vernon Fox

Entitled Parents….

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7876959/Parents-fuming-FIVE-year-old-son-expelled-school-violent-behaviour.html#comments

Parents should take responsibility for their own children and not think that teachers and “the system” should teach their child right from wrong.

The brat in the above story needs parents who are prepared to actually raise their child to respect others and make it realise that it’s behaviour is unacceptable. Discipline starts at home; teachers should not have to deal with semi-feral brats and their parents who believe that their child is the victim and that everyone should bend over backwards to accommodate their child. Why should teachers put up with being attacked and what about the other children who have to share a school with some badly-reared brat?

The parents say that “he’s only a baby…he doesn’t know what’s happening”. Well, he’s not a baby, he’s six-years-old and he fucking well should know what’s happening, because his parents should have got it through to him by that age. They also proudly boast “We make sure they (their other children) get up in the morning…they’re not even late (for school)”. Wow! Considering that neither of the buggers work, do they really consider it something noteworthy that they manage to pack their brood off to school before settling down for a day doing fuck all?

No doubt they’ll get their wish soon and their child will be diagnosed with some modern “Get out of jail free” illness when really, by the sound of it, their child only actually has one “problem” and that is it’s parents. I’m not saying that all children that have problems are just badly reared. I do understand and accept that there are genuine illness that cause children problems, but I do sometimes wonder if the line is becoming blurred and some parents would just prefer to have a “diagnosis” so that they can absolve themselves of any responsibility for teaching their children that bad behaviour is not acceptable.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler