Saints and Their Pointless Patronages

 

I was watching The Chase the other day and the question ‘St. Matthew is the patron saint of, A: Accountants, B: Candle makers or C: Ferrymen?’ came up. This got me thinking about saints and more particularly the pointless patronages bestowed upon them.

There are the well-known ones like St. George and St. Patrick but there are literally thousands of others covering all manner of jobs, trades, places and afflictions. Button makers? Church cleaners? Dog bites? Florentine cheese merchants? They have you covered. Today for example, Jan 31st is the feast day of St. John Bosco patron saint of schoolchildren, magicians and juvenile delinquency.

I like to think of them in a heavenly type waiting room getting their number from a ticket dispenser waiting for their sainthood.

“Oi, George! What did you get?”

“England mate, fucking get in. You Bonaventure?”

“Bowel disorders. Hilary of Poitiers, I’ll swap you for backward children?”

“No thanks, Fiacre has already tried to palm haemorrhoid sufferers on to me”.

Out of all of them though, I think Our Lady of Perpetual Help who is the patron saint of Haiti must be my favourite because it is so apt. The BBC and the rest of the lamestream media beatified St. George Floyd of Minneapolis some years ago, patron of fentanyl users and respiratory difficulties but its only a matter of time until its official and he gets his own feast day and joins the ranks of celebrating gallstones, lepers and stammering children.

The answer was A, Accountants by the way.

Chin up St. Matthew, it could have been a lot worse.

Catholic online

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

David Lammy Reparations Talks

 

Inside men are cunts.
David lammy is a cunt.
Reparations are cunts.
Entertaining these talks is a cunt

Here we have David Lammy (guyanese parents) having talks with Carribean nations who want £18 TRILLION in repararations?

Reparations for what? Helping the locals build up better economies and introducing them to the idea of Britain, They certainly seemed to think it was worth a visit.

GB news

I can understand that these countries recognise Britain is a soft touch and that if they don’t ask they shall not receive, but to have what amounts to an inside man dealing with the talks, smells fishier than carribean salt cod thats been used as Angies tampon.

Nominated by Cunt of the Isles.

Dead Pool [351]

Congratulations to Shaun who correctly predicted the death of the disgraced Tuekish Cypriot fraudster Asil Nadir and has thus won Dead Pool 350.Nadir was the CEo of textile company Polly Peck which folded in 1990.He was jailed for ten years in 2012 for serious fraud while in post .He was transfered back to Turkey in 2016 where he was freed after a day.Nadir was 83 years old and his survived by his wife and children

On to Dead Pool 351

The rules:

1)Pick 5 famous cunts you think will conk out next.No duplicates allowed and it is first come first serve.You can always be a cunt and steal someone elses nominatoons from the previous pool.

2)Anyone who nominates the worlds oldest man or woman is a cunt who we will ignore.

3)It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4)No swapping picks mid pool unless they have already been taken.

5)Hits are awarded based on chronology of death reporting and not necessarily in chronology of death.

Andrew Gwynne MP


I doubt that anyone is surprised these days at the deplorably low standards that our MPs continue to demonstrate.

Take the case of Andrew Gwynne, Labour MP for Gorton and Denton. Former Health Minister Gwynne has been given the Order of the Boot by Sir Keir Stasi after a string of abusive WhatsApp messages insulting constituents, councillors and other MPs came to light. Among other things, its alleged that the comments included the wish that a 72 year old constituent would soon be dead, made racist comments about Diane Abbott, and referred to the performance of a sex act by Angela Rayner’. There’s also an allegation that anti-Semitic content was posted.

Gwynne has now expressed ‘deep regret’ about his ‘badly judged comments’. As you do, when you’re found out. A government mouthpiece has stated that ‘the PM is determined to uphold high standards of conduct in public office and lead a government in the service of working people’. I’m sure that cunters everywhere will be as reassured by Sir TwoTier’s commitment to probity in office as I am.

Mirror

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Dead Pool [350]

Congratulations to Shaun who has won Dead Pool 349 by picking the founding President of Namibia Sam Nujoma who died yesterday aged 95.Nujoma was a founding Member and of the South West African Peoples Organisation which was formed in 1960.He was their leader during the entirity of the Namibian War of Independence from 1966 to 1989 launching a guerilla war against South Africa in 1966.He became the 1st President of Bamibia in 1990 servibg 3 terms before leaving office in 2005.He is survived by his wife and children.

On to Dead Pool 350

The rules:

1)Pick 5 famous cunts you think will conk out next.It is first come first serve.No duplicates allowed.You can always be a cunt and steal someone elses nominations from the previous pool.

2)Anyone who nominates the worlds oldest man or woman is a cunt who we will ignore.

3)It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4)No swapping picks mid pool unless already taken by someone else already.

5)Hits are awarded based on chronology in death reporting not necessarily in chronology of death.