Nigeria is a cunt, isn’t it.

A 13-year-old boy has been sentenced to 10 years in prison in northern Nigeria. The crime? Blasphemy. Yes, Omar Farouq was convicted in a Sharia court in Kano State after he was accused of using foul language toward Allah in an argument with a friend. Blasphemy is not recognized by Nigerian law although Kano State, like most predominantly Muslim states in Nigeria, practises Sharia law alongside secular law.

By the bollock of Allah, that is harsh. 10 years in prison with menial labour. Give the little bastard a break. When I was 13 I was buying ten Embassy No:1 and Mad-Dog 2020 then attempting fingers & tops with a sultry goth girl before spanking the teenage magnanimous love-truncheon. Jumping Jehovah in a juicer, I used to spank the purple-throbbing yoghurt-squirter until only air came out.

I hope those caring, merciful Nigerians don’t import their shite laws here, especially their welfare of children.

By the bowels of Shiva, Blasphemy’s a cunt.
By the tiny todger of the Prophet Móhammad, Sharia Law is a cunt.
Jesus fucking Christ on a mobility scooter, Nigeria is a cunt.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

I know there are a few who have watched too many episodes of Casualty and think they are Doctor Kildare who will shout me down BUT I have to say some of the new terms that our spineless government want to catch on are truly infuriating.

First we had horrible terms like Shielding, New Normal, Covidiot and Super Spreaders but now the useless Boris and his five house owning reptiles have come out with a new one to beat them all….Circuit Breaker Lockdown.
I mean really, who comes up with this rubbish and how much are they shovelling into their bank accounts for the pleasure of doing it?

It’s plain to me and anyone who can function on a day to day basis that all this garbage is doing far more harm than it is good. Lockdown for two weeks and then when that’s over, back to square one and we have to think up another horrible phrase to keep the proles down. They are going to to need more than a few old cunts conking out when the real misery of unemployment and house repossession kick in next year.

If you’re fat, unhealthy or are close to meeting the reaper then stay the fuck indoors and let the rest of us get on with it, that way Boris the Jellyfish will hopefully stop coming up with these horrible slogans.

Remember the Spanky slogan……Be a Cunt, a total cunt and fuck you and your ugly bitch.

Nominated by: Spanky Mc Spank 

This is often mentioned in posts but I think iit deserves its own cunting.

I think there are more of these programmes because their cheap to produce in the Pandemic. Last night a programme on BBC 4 about Michelangelo. Presented by an Asian woman.

Anyway, ‘Civilisation’ with Kenneth Clarke used a lot. ‘I am standing in the Sistine Chapel’ Clarke said at one point. The voiceover -Well, we can see that’. Oh fuck off.

Another programme from the past-‘Michelangelo painted on his back’. ‘Well, he got that totally wrong he painted standing up’. It’s the tone I hate. If the voiceover had said ‘It was once thought that he painted it lying on his back but now we know…’ But no. And you just can’t help the feeling that they’re saying these pompous white men of the past got it all wrong.

‘Are You Being Served’ they did a programme on. Once again the patronising tone. As though- ‘they didn’t realise what they were saying back then, bless them…but you can laugh at it as long you understand the outdated attitudes’. Two Asian women again. So I went from laughing at Mrs Slocombe ‘will you look after my pussy’ to an Asian woman telling me that it’s OK to laugh at it if you don’t take it too seriously.

‘You wouldn’t get away with it now’ they kept saying. Yeah when someone calls someone a ‘fucking shithead’ (‘9 cats out of 10 Cats). You CAN get away with that but not silly Mrs Slocombe and her ‘pussy’.

Even Victoria Wood was guilty of this painstakingly laboriously explaining to us the the subtle relationships of Dad’s Army characters. As though -‘there was funny things in the past, give it a go’.

The worst sort of show for this is What We Watched In The Seventies. There they all are squirming in their seats at the appalling carrying ons back then. Fuck me it’s the mildest stuff imaginable and there they are all appalled. Oh fuck off.

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

An unusual cunting here, but not too unusual in today’s “woke” society.

An advert (Jo Malone Fragrances), starring that great actor John (“Star Wars”) Boyega (never heard of the cunt myself) has been pulled in China, where Mr Boyega’s televisual feast has been rejected and replaced by a Chinese actor. Now the “Wokes” are squealing like stuck pigs about not having any blacks in the Chinese version of the advert.

Well you “slaves of wokedem”, the Chinks don’t like the following people;

Kaffirs
Carpet riders
Americans
White people
Half castes

So as you can see they fit their adverts to suit their consumers. Maybe they should try it in this country. I’m sure it would be popular, and Jo Malone, you’re utter cunts for apologising!!!

Nominated by:Captain Ian Douglas Van Der Byl Quimson 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-54158217

CHRIS GRAYLING M.P:

A bald headed cunting please for this slaphead windbag of an MP who has been a monumental failure at everything he has ut his grubby hands on. But it seems Grayling could fall down Gaylord Adonis’s shitter and come up smelling like Alan Carr, since he has landed a £100,000 job for 7 hours a week:

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/chris-grayling-port-advising-role-100000-money-a4549271.html

Obviously the less time he spends “working” the less damage he can do (in theory) and I don’t have any issue with anybody earning (provided they REALLY “earn” it) whatever they can get, but how can this shit be worth that much money?. It’s not what you know, but who you know……

Nominated by W. C. Boggs