Had Jolie, Bieber, Perry and the loathsome Brand been aboard the craft, forensics would have to spend ages sorting out the ship from the wreckage.

So Sir Richard, when you plan your next interstellar fuck up, please invite some selected guests to play the role of crash test dummies. I humbly suggest:

Eric Pickles (for maximum splat effect)
Jo and Russell Brand
Jihadi John
Justin Bieber

…and as many paedo’s as you can fit in once you evict the illegal immigrants, who will no doubt be stowing away

Nominated by: Captain Japseye