‘Baby Baby Oh Whoa Baby Baby…’

I’ve always quite liked music of The Carpenters. Sure, they could be a bit cheesy, but my, that girl had a voice that was as effortlessly smooth as silk.

However there’s one song of theirs that I detest; I wonder if you can guess which it is? That’s right, it the one with the lines ‘don’t you remember you told me you loved me baby/ baby baby baby baby oh baby…’.

Yes, this is a cunting for the use of the word ‘baby’ by songwriters. It’s nothing new of course. Turn the clock back a hundred years or more and you’ll find the likes of ‘and I’d like to be your sister, brother, dad and mother too, pretty baby…’ **.

It’s such a useful little word for a songwriter. It can be fitted in very easily, and that’s the trouble I suspect. It’s usefulness is such that’s become ubiquitous over the years, the lyricist’s cliché of clichés. Even songwriting greats of the modern era such as Dylan and Lennon and McCartney couldn’t avoid falling into the ‘baby’ trap at some point.

Okay, maybe I’m being a bit idiosyncratic with this one. It’s just that the funny thing is, in all my years on this mortal coil, I can honestly say that I can’t recall ever hearing a person use the term when speaking to another. Neither can the wife, or any friend I’ve mentioned this to whenever we’ve been discussing music. Yet it comes up time after time in so many songs that it really gets on my bloody nerves.

I guess I could put up with one or two ‘baby’s in a song, but too many and it just becomes intolerable. I give you exhibit one for the prosecution, that tuneless little nerk Justin Bieber, who seems to be going for an entry into The Guinness Book of Records for use of the word ‘baby’ in his song entitled, er, ‘Baby’…

YouTube.

Of course, Bieber really knows how to gild the lily. Throw some ‘oh oh whoa oh oh oh’s and plenty of ‘uh huh’s into the mix, and round it all off with some baseball capped buffoons jigging away like demented gay ferrets, and you’ve got pubescent girls by the thousand moistening their panties and parting with their cash. So perhaps it’s simply the case that ‘baby’ pays.

Oh baby baby oh baby baby oh yeah yeah hit me baby one more time. Classic.

** I say steady on; you can get done for that.

Nominated by : Ron ‘baby’ Knee

Something seriously wrong as my previous nomination has not seen the light of day? (No idea, but carry on – NA)

More worrying still is that there are no prior posts for this most deserving of Cunts? She renders anything she appears in completely unwatchable. If theres a single organism on the face of the planet who thinks anything other than a flaming car is improved by Jill Scott’s presence they need locking up sub cunts like Keane, Neville and Wright grit their teeth and pocket the paycheck too gutless to acknowledge how shit this cunt is. It started out harmless enough, the gormless geordie giraffe gets some publicity when her football matches were shoved down our throats.

And no one honestly gives a fuck about the Lionesses as a spectator sport, if anyone did then sky or someone else would attempt to monetise it and have a separate women’s football channel, they don’t because they know what everyone else knows, no one would fucking pay for it. Yet still sky , talkSPORT and these cunt pundits pretend rather than calling it out for the utter shite it is. Prime example is when one of the retards on talksport announce record breaking attendance for a women’s football match at the emirates, without mentioning the fact that the tickets were basically free to children and equivalent to vanarama conference league prices

She wins a biggest cunt in the jungle competition in full knowledge that she’s a useless cunt cashing in on their 15 mins of fame, then she starts believing she offers something to sports panel shows and other twat fests

And nobody on this site says anything? a worrying decline in cunting
(well, apparently not now – NA)

Goal.com.

Nominated by : Cuntus Rex

A whoops duckie, you are wonderful dahling, whatever you do, you camp old queen cunting for up his own arse aging actor laddie, McKellen.

Tomorrow (8th September) marks the second anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth, but this doesn’t stop this other theatrical old queen for trashing her.

According to the painted and powdered old twat, the Queen (the real one) was “bloody disrespectful” when he picked up some totally unmerited award, simply because she asked him whether “people still went to the theatre”

What a slap in the face for this preposterous old poof. He has treaded the boards this past 60 years more often than he has had dick up his raddled old arse. The Queen was just making small talk, and it might have been a genuine enquiry as I doubt the aging Monarch went to the theatre regularly.

All homosexualists are a pain in the arse, but why is it that when they totter and mince into old age, they behave like Peter Mandelson when his piles are especially painful, and become complete fuckwits?. This silly old cunt fell off the stage a few weeks ago, so perhaps geriatric buggery is out of the question and he has too much time on his hands?.

Huffington Post.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

Oscar winner Kidman has got a new flick out. It’s called ‘Babygirl’. We know this because the meeja’s full of it after its premiere at the Venice Film Festival. Nicole plays a woman who has an affair with a much younger man, and apparently it’s all a bit steamy, featuring nudity, masturbation and s and m.

Now Kidman might be 57 but she’s still fit. If she wants to get her kit off and flash her fanny in return for a (no doubt) very handsome pay cheque, I won’t complain; in fact, I’ll happily look at it all day. Unfortunately, that’s not all there is to it. No, in addition Kidman has to go into full on ‘I suffer and bare my soul for my art’ luvvy bollocks mode when being interviewed about her performance.

She just couldn’t wait to tell us how the film has left her feeling ‘exposed’. ‘The film definitely leaves me vulnerable and frightened and all of these things when it’s given to the world, but making it with these people was delicate and intimate’, she trills coyly. I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely feeling her emotional pain.

She did feel protected during filming though, because it was written and directed by Halina Reijn. ‘That’s what made it so unique, because suddenly I was going to be in the hands of a woman. It was dear to our shared instincts and very freeing. I knew that Halina wouldn’t exploit me’ etc and so forth blah de blah.

Now look love; you’ve made a soft porn erotic thriller in the ‘Basic Instinct’ mode, and no doubt the p.r. for it will play on its sensationalistic aspects. But it’s hardly likely to prove to be a sensual art house classic like ‘Realm of the Senses’. ‘The sacredness of the set’ my arse. Talk about being up yourself. Do us all a favour. Just cut the pretentious arty-farty bullshit, take your money, and go away. Enough already.

Screen Daily.

Nominated by : Ron Knee