Countryfile (or is it Cuntriphile) is a boring, unnecessary programme about fields, tractors, beetroot, ducks, woods, farms, green-wellied conservation, sheep, more fields and general boring shit involving being out in wellies in the mud in grey, dismal, cold fields talking about cowsheds, hawks, combine harvesters, badgers, landrovers, plums, owls etc – as if Sundays weren’t boring enough.

Makes you want to commit cuntricide.

This does not include John Craven though, he’s just too boring a cunt to cunt.