Legends

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The term ‘Legend’ is now ludicrously overused…

At Fleetwood Mac’s recent O2 gig, every time Lindsey Buckingham took to the mic, some gobby pissed up cunt shouted, ‘E’s a legend! A fackin’ legend!’ every 30 seconds or so…. Mac may be legendary musical figures (be it the Peter Green vintage or the Rumours/Tusk lineup that did the O2)…. But you don’t pay top dollar to see and hear a top line act and listen to some lagered up tosser shouting it in your ear…

The thick fucker couldn’t even get Buckingham’s name right… He also kept shouting, ‘Lesley! Lesley!’ I expected him to shout ‘Nice one, Steven!’ at Stevie Nicks…

Frigging riff-raff…

Nominated by: Norman

Mime

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Had occasion to spend a couple orf days in Berlin on business. First to admit I cannot stand the krauts but do like to get slaughtered on a spot orf weiss bier. A simple enough pleasure at my age you may think but not a bit orf it. As soon as the fraulein deposited me tankard orf Goering’s finest I am surrounded by a commando orf mime cunts. White flat caps, white gloves, white face, the whole fucking schmeer.

Bastard kraut cunt shoves his fissog into mine and gives me the old garlic sausage breath so I give him the old double Churchill straight in the mush “Fuck orf cunt”. Problem is, and this will mark your card, the krauts think this kind orf caper is “funnee”. Some fat bint with black buttons on her tits gives me a leaflet. Apparently the whole orf the EU is hosting a festival orf mime, universal language bollocks and crap.

Cunters, stay out orf Europe for your own sanity until these mime cunts crawl up their own arseholes and vanish in a puff orf fart.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Comediennes

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Who fucking decided Women should be allowed out of the kitchen?
And who the fuck thought that Women could do ‘comedy’?

They are all the fucking same, unfunny misandrists who all base their routines of that fat old pig Jo Brand, Sara Pascoe, Roisin Conaty, Jenny Eclair, Ronni Ancona, Andi Osho, & of course Sarah Millican
Not a funny witticism, joke or even mildly amusing anecdote from any of them.

If I was Jo Brand I would sue Sarah Millican for plagiarism!

Millican is the Peter Kay of the comedy scene, the same 3 jokes & routine for the last 15 years and they have the cheek to release the same DVD every year but the Plebs go buy it like fucking sheep!

Nominated by: Comedy Dave

The third runway

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So the government will ‘Study carefully” the recent report into extra airport capacity that recommends a third runway at Heathrow…

No careful study required Mr Cameron. Surely you recall that cast iron promise YOU made three years ago… ”No ifs, no buts, there will be no third runway at Heathrow”…Or is that like the promise the Lib Dems made on tuition fees?

How do you know when a politician is lying?…You can see their lips move.

How do you know if a politician is a cunt?…They’re a politician.

Nominated by: Fleaboy

Abdul Hakim

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Today I’m nominating Thomas Evans, aka Abdul Hakim, aka dead terrorist. Yes, Evans is one of two “British” terrorists who sent the media into a frenzy last week by dying in two separate terrorist attacks. Evans died in Kenya. He was shot dead whilst attacking a Kenyan army post with Al Shabaab. An attack in which, apparently, Evans was second in command.

The other one, who’s name I’ve forgotten, was a paki (yes, I did just use that word, and I don’t give a fuck) from Dewsbury who died carrying out a homicide bomb attack in Iraq that unfortunately killed several innocent people. Naturally, his friends and family were completely mystified as to how this “quiet, good, decent, hard working, blah blah blah” boy could have become a terrorism. Honest ‘guv, they never knew nothing about him being radicalised.

Evans though, was a white convert. Apparently he’d been showing signs of radicalisation for some time, according to his mother. Presumably, the biggest sign was his conversion to the religion of mental illness. In fact, his mother had become so concerned by his behaviour, which included him growing a ridiculous looking beard, that she contacted the police. He’d even tried to get his mother and brother to convert to Islam. Otherwise they would “burn in hell”.

Ironically a couple of hours earlier, the prick who led the attack was videoed boasting about how hard they were, “we are lions”, etc. He also claimed that the Kenyans were terrified of Al Shabaab, and were “crying like babies”. Unfortunately for Evans, and a lot of the other terrorist scum, the Kenyan army didn’t get that memo. There was also film of Evans/Hakim celebrating with other terrorists prior to the attack. There was lots of jollity and “Allahu Ackbar”, which if my memory of Arabic is correct roughly translates as, “Allah takes it up the shit chute”. The best video though, was shot by Evans himself. It was taken by his body cam. And shows him getting shot dead.

Naturally, his mother and brother are distraught over his death. They in no way condone his acts of terrorism, which by all accounts were many, and included the murders of a lot of innocent men, women and children. Few others though will shed a tear over the death of a terrorist and a traitor. I did find myself asking one question though. If one family of a terrorist could see that something was seriously wrong, and be concerned enough to inform the police, why couldn’t the other family? Especially since the other family were all born muslims and therefore even more likely to spot that something was wrong.

Anyway. I think it’s safe to say that as we speak, the 17 year old paki, and Evans/Hakim are, at this very moment, down in hell, choking on the dongs of demons.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw