Phone Scammers.
Indian phone scammers are the pits. I’ve had three on the line in one morning, named ‘Oliver’, ‘John’ and ‘Richard’; beautiful British names for twats with such pronounced Indian accents.
‘Oliver’ wanted to assist me (for a fee, natch) to eradicate a virus that had invaded my computer. Now if I would log on, he would guide me step by step… ‘John’ was from ‘Internal (sic) Revenue’, and was keen to assist me in resolving a tax issue. If I would just log on…
I’m surprised that anyone still falls for this b/s, but they do say that there’s one born every minute. Usually I enjoy a bit of harmless entertainment at their expense by pretending to be deaf and senile. But when ‘Richard’ came on, I began to think that life was too short, and tried to keep it brief. Sadly ‘Richard’ was a persistent shit, and things ended up going something like this;

Bring bring…
Me; ‘Hello’.
‘Richard’; ‘Good day, Mr Knee. I hope you are well today’.
Me; ‘I’m not interested in buying anything, thankyou. Goodbye’. Click.
Bring bring…
‘Richard’; Aah, Mr Knee, I am not salesman. I am Microsoft Assistance. I am advising you that your computer is registering error messages on a remote server…’
Me; My computer’s fine, thankyou. Goodbye’. Click.
Bring bring… (wtf?)
‘Richard’;(tersely) Why are you not talking with me? What is your problem?’.
Me; (sigh) ‘Look pal, you’re the one with the problem, as you don’t appear to understand me. So I’ll keep it simple. FUCK. OFF.’. Slam.
Bring bring… (Christ on a bike)
‘Richard’; (angrily) ‘You cannot be talking to me like that! (blah blah) I want an apology!’.
Me; (contritely) ‘Erm… ahem… yes you’re right. I haven’t felt myself today *cough* and I’m a bit uptight. Will you accept my apology?’.
‘Richard’; (testily) ‘Yes yes alright. Now your comp…’
Me; ‘I’m so glad, Richard, or Rashit, or Rancid, or whatever. NOW will you fuck off?’. Slam.
Bring bring… (goes to answering machine)
(!!!!!) Bring bring…

That’s right, rat. Waste your time trying to call me again. While you’re doing that, you’re not robbing some guileless sap elsewhere. You’re all utterly without scruples; cunts who disgrace your families and who deserve to rot slowly from the inside. I’ll happily piss all over whatever’s left.

Nominated by Ron Knee

The British Political System

I recently signed a petition to call for an automatic by-election if an MP leaves the party they were voted in on e.g. Anna Sourberry. The petition was unsuccessful and the Cabinet Office responded here:
https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/242193

Apparently you vote for an individual, not a party and that individual can do what they like once elected. The individual doesn’t constitutionally represent the party they stood for. Wtf?? Well we have a rotten system don’t we? The House of Lords is unelected, we have government by an unelected cabinet and now it turns out that your MPs are just a random collection of individuals.

I’m staggered that our constitution is a shit fest of unfairness. Bunch of cuuuunts!

Nominated by Cuntologist

A drive-by Cunting for B.T.

I’m currently being deluged with both recorded and live calls from Cunts claiming to be about to cut my internet off. Obvious bollocks.
I’m on that Telephone Preference Service, but still getting them. Now, what really fucks me off is that, in this day and age,with all the technology available to B.T., it must be possible for them to shut these Cunts down. I rather suspect that if B.T. was losing money over these calls,a solution would be found pretty fucking quickly.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Adil Kayani from Birmingham

Who is this cunt you may ask?

A peaceful who has filed a case against Easy Jet for Religious Profiling. This cunt was on a plane from Morocco to Birmingham.

After 15 solid minutes the steward of Easy Jet gave up knocking and being told “Yeah Ill be out in a minute hang on” he opened the shitter door on the cunt. Of course he was having a monster crap, and not of course planning to take the plane out so the steward is now up on a charge for profiling the cunt because he is muslim.

What a CUNT. Steward should be given an award for bravery. If the blast didn’t kill him, Imagine the smell.

Nominated by King Cunt

May the Delay

According to Al-Beeb, Our Beloved Leader (piss be upon her) is to write to the EU to ask for a Brexit delay until 30 June at the earliest, with a further possible extension of up to two years.
Well now, there’s a surprise and no mistake. Who would possibly have thought that Muppet May would not be true to her word? You know, ‘Brexit means Brexit’. She wouldn’t be dreaming of trying to kick the whole thing into the long grass, would she? She couldn’t be trying to engineer a ‘Brexit In Name Only’ scenario, effectively keeping us arm-locked by Brussels in perpetuity? Surely not. She’s a Rt. Honourable MP after all, and we all know that honour matters far above all else to our esteemed and respected representatives in Parliament.
What’s that you say? They’re mostly a bunch of snivelling, conniving, duplicitous, malicious, hypocritical, backstabbing, unprincipled pygmy cunts, bent on wrecking Brexit in defiance of a referendum outcome they promised to uphold? Never. For shame, sir! Ordure! ORDURE!

Yet another well deserved and eloquent cunting of the Maybot by Ron Knee