MRS. HEWITT-WINDSOR…

A Regal cunting with full Hollywood choir please, for failed actress turned Princess Meghan, who tells anyone who might be watching in a TV documentary that she is a vulnerable and struggling mum:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/10163567/meghan-markle-holds-back-tears-struggle-vulnerable-mum/

Has this plain and pricey woman been listening too much to ‘Woman Sour’ and made herself believe she is raising a sprog alone in a high rise flat, on minimum wage?

I am sick to the back teeth with these “royal” ponces who will come out with any fucking shit to get themselves quoted in the newspapers. You can have some sympathy for her being married to Harry the wanker, but she knew what she was taking on, and you can say the same for carrot top.

What this pampered trollop needs is a fucking pep talk from Prince Philip, and to keep her gob shut, perhaps a visit from Air Miles Andy to invite her to suck his overused dick.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Meghan Markle aka Mrs Hewitt Windsor…

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50102858

The poor little soul is complaining that no one has asked if she is ok. She is struggling being a new mum and newlywed. It must be a fucking struggle in that 2.5 million pound refurbishment house with fucking loads of lackeys to powder the kids nappy rash and make your meals, wash your clothes and no doubt run your fucking bath. What a CUNT. She claims that she is the South African (no doubt black) girls sister and can relate to them. Here is my suggestion why don’t you give up your lifestyle and go live in Soweto with your sisters for a fucking year you total cunt. See how hard life really is. In fact six months in a seaside council estate in Blackpool should help her adjust to being a new mum – there are fucking loads of them there. I would happily have a few wankers taking pictures and writing the odd story on me and my old man for a life of unabashed luxury and privilege on the tax payers tab.

The only fucking chore she has is giving the ginger one a nosh now and again.

Nominated by Cuntsince1066

Is there anything that makes you feel more like a drooling geriatric than spotting a hair dangling from your nostril like a hangman´s rope? It´s creeped up on you and you haven´t noticed it, although everybody else has and thinks you´re about to shuffle off to the geriatric´s home and the great beyond. A dewdrop on the end of the nose is all you need to complete the sad picture.

On a recent trip to the US I spotted a nose and ear trimmer, as it was called, in a drugstore. I surruptiously purchased it and, once home, locked myself in the bathroom and tried it out. It gave off a melodious buzzing sound but made little inroad on the sylvan grove inside my nostrils. Virtually a waste of money.

However, it did bring back happy memories of a nympho girlfriend from earlier days who once suggested I buy her a vibrator. Maybe she was unimpressed by my performance but I gladly did and threw in a dildo for back-up should the batteries fail. Like my nose trimmer, the vibrator was a bit of a letdown but, my goodness, that rubbery dildo was a big success. When she dumped me, she took it with her and left the vibrator behind.

Nominated by Mr Polly

China is a fucking cunt.

These overpopulating commies really put the ‘cunt’ into country – a nouveau riche superpower rotten to the core, wealthy on the back of insane trade practices and working its minions quite literally to death on behalf of subservient big corps like Apple and Nike.

Now I’m not too knowledgeable on the whole issue of the Hong Kong protests, but as I understand it the cunt Chinese are basically flexing themselves, trying to bully a tiny principality with their draconian laws. China, as often reported, operates a social credit system akin to a Black Mirror episode and bans many Western websites as they exercise full control over their population. I won’t criticise China for banning FecesBook, mind you.

Ain’t it interesting too that the woke brigade never mass protest about how China pollutes and enslaves?

I can literally think about nothing positive about either China or its citizens – their one saving grace I suppose is zero tolerance on the towelhead mob. Everything else though – from the yapping bitches who travel here for tourism en masse wearing their little anti-pollution masks, to the shit food (and yes, I mean authentic food – rooster’s fucking foot soup, for the love of cunt), well everything China or china related is a total cunt.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

I used to enjoy Ben Elton – for ‘The Young Ones’ and ‘Blackadder’.

I believe he’s now making a comeback stand-up tour, since he’s apparently doing the media rounds of plugging it; maybe someone out there thinks he’s the right person for these times.

I stumbled on his 17½ minutes with Matthew Wright on Talk Radio’s YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaQK9yROwm8

I had actually just watched the excruciating interview between Lisa Nandy and Mike Graham when the above video thumbnail popped up on the right-hand-side column. The click-bait that drew me in was “Comedian Ben Elton talks Brexit and Boris Johnson”. For those of you who can’t be bothered to watch it, I’ll give you a little critique, but before we go there, here’s a clip from a 1986 performance on Channel 4 as a reference point.

Only one and a quarter minutes in and we’re hearing allegations of crude sexual misconduct involving President Ronald Reagan and the Russians. I guess nothing really changes, does it?! This is Left-Wing material from 33 yrs ago. Just let that sink in.
Now back to the present-day, Ben Elton has aged but he’s still a motormouth (like John McEnroe but without the charm or wit). Oh, and Matthew Wright is still an obnoxious twat, so no change there either!!
With all that out of the way, here’s your viewing guide (WARNING: it reads like the class notes of an A-Level Politics student):

– A gentle, earnest start as he describes being blamed for the invention of Political Correctness.
– Caring, SJW-credentials wheeled out with compassionate voice at 0:13: “Political Correctness is normally just good manners”. That’s right, Ben, only with a Marxist agenda to subvert and manipulate.
– A discussion Led by Wright, about PC bullshit for a couple of minutes, then ‘new-book-what-you-just-wrote’, led by Wright.
And that’s when the triggers start to come thick and fast:

2:26 – No British cultural homogeneity
2:29 – ‘The Wall’
2:31 – Scottish Independence
2:33 – Brexit
2:37 – Identity Boundaries (apparently what most people are thinking about)
2:52 – Cultural division of Britain into virtual communities (Hello, Plebs!)
6:18 – Donald Trump
7:18 – Donald Trump Lies
7:21 – Climate change
7:57 – Racism & sexism
8.53 – NHS
9:52 – Identity
9:54 – Brexit
12:30 – Faatcha (an oldie but goldie. Hear him say – direct quote – “I always had a lot of respect for Mrs Thatcher”)
13:04 – Boris Johnson (here comes the new material, everyone)
14:00 – Putin
16:17 – Prorogation (the MENDACITY to call an election BEFORE Brexit)
16:42 – Crashing out

Seeing how Ben’s only had 33 years to come up with new material, I think the man deserves a word of praise and, to be fair, he’s entitled to his opinion. And if any of you might feel that Ben’s message is hackneyed and jaded, just remember there’s a new generation who haven’t discovered him yet (think Corbyn). It’s just that the the older generation hasn’t forgotten him yet. I’ll leave you with two classic examples of his schoolboy humour:
Q: Why shouldn’t you answer the front door in your pyjamas?
A: Because Chernobyl fall-out
and
Q: What’s pink and hairy, and hangs out of your pyjamas?
A: Your Mum

Nominated by Cunt me in

I’d like to give this regional weather reporter a fuckin’ good cunting.

Now, he might not be known by many and that’s why a quick look at the clip below will put you in the picture:

https://ilovemanchester.com/bbc-north-west-tonight-weather-presenter-owain-wyn-evans/

This notorious shirtlifter is also known to people in Yorkshire and the Midlands. He’s a fuckin’ mincer of the highest order and makes Tom Allen look like Charles Bronson. When he’s giving the forecast, his fuckin’ arms are waving all over the place.

He said “I do camp it up sometimes doing the weather, but I don’t even notice I’m doing it, when I’m waving my arms around”.

After reporting on a Fun Run, one of the other presenters asked him would he join in to which he replied “I can’t really run”. You would you cunt, if I stuck this red hot poker up your arse. And don’t stop till you and your boyfriend get back to Wales where you can wait for the next cold front to kick you in the cunt.

Nominated by Bertie Blunt Ubercunt