Splish splash you´re having a slash, staring stoically straight ahead. No peeping to the left or right in case your neighbor gets the wrong idea and thinks you´re sizing him up*. What bothers me now is that I tend to hang around for what seems like hours shaking off the final drips and giving the impression that I am waiting for some homo action. This is because I had an operation about 10 years ago which basically circumcised me and left no handy little foreskin space where droplets could linger.
Nowadays, a pee followed by a brief feeble shake then tucking the snake back into its place usually results in a rivulet of amber fluid down my thigh and a give-away stain on my trousers. For this reason I try to avoid public urinals in bars, restaurants, cafes etc. In countries like Brazil it´s common to see pissers openly wiping and drying their cocks with paper towels but it´s not a practice I´ve seen in Europe or the US.
*BTW, Lenny Bruce once said the ending of desegregated bogs (“restrooms” in American speak) destroyed the myth that blacks had enormous dongs. But let´s not go into that in case we offend Black Cocks Matter.
Nominated by: Mr Polly
Internet Porn is a cunt and a prick and tits and ‘milfs’ and and blowjobs and GET A GRIP MAN but the only thing I’m gripping is my knob. And ‘Licking Pussy’ and ‘Doggiestyle’ ‘Cougars’ but what am I saying you know the terminology cunters veterans as you are of this ‘pastime’.
There us no doubt in my mind Internet porn is a bummer. Poor choice of word there. Let’s start again.
Sex is a cunt. I’m knocking on 60! And still wracked by this insane desire. I thought it would have left me now. Or at least abated somewhat. But no I have my fortnightly drink and the next day I am randy as I ever was. And days can go by (as it just has) and the intense urge is still there. And there is the phone and it only a click away.
You see cunters I want to concentrate on the higher things not in an arse or a tit.
Yes, that’s it,-it is an addiction. There you are scrolling down in a frenzy and trying to get the picture the video that excites you but it is never quite as exciting as you would like. And you’re looking and looking for something you will never find in a sense. That can never satisfy. Her arse isn’t in the right position or she’s doing it too fast or that’s not how I like it exactly.
You know cunters this thing is really terrible. Mrs Plastic (who I’ll pass over quickly) reads to me posts on Mumsnet and very many of them are about their MAN losing all interest in sex. That’s because he’s watching sexy young things on Internet Porn! And the poor older women cannot compete and they are left feeling loveless, unattractive. It really is a destructive fucker.
Nominated by Miles Plastic
Admin note, tricky subject Miles, I stopped buying condoms on offer years ago because they time expired!, so continue I will quit Isac and join the Mums net admin team and offer personal services.
Another Admin: Nothing wrong with a bit of IP once in awhile. Certainly beats the old days back in the 70s and 80s when you had to enter a newsagents for your topshelf goodies, and then wait at the counter to pay, only to find a nubile young wench giving you a very disapproving “look” when she gives you your change! (So I’m told anyway)