Dead Pool [187]


Congratulations to Whymeforfucksake for correctly predicting the merciful release of dear old Babs Windsor, aged 83.

She was a Carry On films icon and all round good ol’ girl. She’ll be missed. RIP my dear.

Onto Dead Pool 187. You know the rules:

1) Pick 5 famous cunts you think will conk out next. It is first come first served. You can always be a cunt and steal other cunters’ nominations from previous pools.

2) Anyone who nominates the world’s oldest man or woman is a cunt who will be ignored.

3) It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4) If your pick has already been taken, tough titty. Pick someone else because we can’t be arsed to check.

So on your marks, ready….set…..go!

A New Police State

The old bill are cunts.

They have become an arm of the state rather than the upholders of law and order. A

cucked, woke bunch of cunts that the people who opposed Peel warned us they would become.

I used to laugh at the idea this country could ever turn into the soviet union, but it is, one salami slice after another.

Anyone over 50 will remember freedom, no one under thirty will. They wont even think they have lost it.

Nominated by: Smug cunt 

Royal Mail (6)

(The pic above is admittedly 3 years old, but it got lost in the fucking post – DA)

I would like to draw the attention of my fellow cunters to Royal Mail who have decided to increase the price of a first class stamp by 9p (over 10%) from January 1st.

Way back in the 1960s when I was suffering a public school education my dear old pa wrote to me every Sunday and the letter was delivered each Monday without fail. The stamp cost 3d ,a gnat’s whisker over 1p. A pint of beer cost eight times the price of a stamp.

Whilst our postal workers tend to be excellent the management is shite. Mrs Guzzi recently sent a birthday card to a friend in Cornwall; it took 17 days to arrive from Derby with a first class stamp.

Royal Mail says that 2020 has been ‘challenging ‘. Well , I have news for them , 2021 is going to be even more challenging for them.

On a more positive note , Mrs G and I have become grandparents. My daughter gave birth to Sophie Emma at 2.06am on December 1st.

Nominated by: Guzziguy 

Oliver Dowden CBE MP CUNT

The Rt. Honourable Oliver Dowden CBE MP

A cunting please for nanny state twat Oliver Dowden for wasting ministerial time and taxpayers money meddling in things that do not concern him, namely his demand that the makers of The Crown post a ‘Health Warning’ at the beginning of each episode of their drama informing viewers that The Crown is not a documentary.

Fuck off cunt, this country’s infantilised enough without your mindless interference.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8996921/Culture-Secretary-Oliver-Dowden-demands-Netflix-make-clear-Crown-fiction.html

Nominated by Ruff Tuff Creampuff (Apologies to Mr Creampuff, as we had totally forgotten who the nominator was when putting this together. Probably drunk at the time – DA)

Lewis Hamilton has Covid (13)

Lewis Hamilton gets caught at last!

The supreme Eff 1 CUNT has been caught by Covid 19 after celebrating being a 7 times champion and no doubt flaunting all the social distancing rules in Monaco. You must remain at least 2 metres away from a rich cunt, quite hard to do there admittedly.

Shame he only has mild symptoms but it will give someone else a chance to bomb round Bahrain in a borrowed car. Perhaps they’ll get one of his BLM mates to drive, they have lots of experience with ‘borrowed’ cars.

(Dear Admin, any chance of using the photo of Lewis Hamilton topless showing the star on his chest with “shoot here” appended somehow?)

Nominated by: Another Cunting Mess 

and supported by: Sick of it and Keefthecunter 

A race day special cunting for Mercedes Benz F1, their superstar driver Lewis (sporting cunt of the year) Hamilton has been hit by a bit of Covid so a reserve driver has to be in the great mans car.
In steps George Russell, British driver who normally jogs along at the back of the pack in a Williams probably expected him to maybe get somewhere in the top 10 with their team driver Botas taking the win.
Unfortunately young George forgot the script and put his car in first place which is a bit embarrassing to say the least and more so for Hamilton because it proves you can put anyone in a Merc and they will win.
Mercedes have to do something to stop George winning, well putting the wrong tyres on the car was a fucking smart move, the utter cunts!