Online Review Authors

A cunting for online review leavers who don’t have a fucking jar of glue, I will give you guys an example we had some goat herding arse clown book in for a job, then cancelled his booking, not a problem at least he phoned rather than a no show, aaannnddd then the sweaty isis looking mother fucker has gone and left us 3 out of 5 stars review WTF.
Now I wouldn’t mind if we had done the job and been less than great but to not show up, have no work done by us then decides to leave a review…. I can’t stand cunts like this hairy palmed camel jockey cunt….. I hope he falls off his donkey…..

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

54 thoughts on “Online Review Authors

  1. Sounds like a cunt alright.

    Reminds me a bit of the stories of ‘influencers’ who try getting free bookings/free stuff at hotels. If they have loads of idiot followers they get away with it. The hotels/restaurants are scared of bad reviews on Trip Advisor/Google. However, I do recall one hotel fighting back and telling the cunt to fuck off publicly and ruining the shitty demanding influencer. It was glorious.

    One silly twat wrote a bad review of a Thai hotel. Daft cunt didn’t realise they have laws over there to stop cunts writing scathing reviews without evidence, as it can ruin businesses. He ended up with a prison sentence if memory serves me right (but I think his embassy managed to get him out,).

    That’s what the cunt deserved in the bin deserves to be honest

    A spell in an Asian prison.

    • I know a fitness influencer who has a 30 minute pb for 5k who markets herself on Instagram as an “athlete”.

      This is what social media allows which wasn’t available in the past. As far as I’m concerned, you’re not really an athlete (with a few exceptions) unless you are getting paid to compete.

      I suggested she rock up to the next Olympics with that time and see how she gets on. Apparently I am just a “hater” 😀 and not someone that values reality over bullshit fantasies that you are somehow Paula Radcliffe because you say you are.

      • I forgot to add, in the past these athletes were actually more accurately called joggers or fun runners.

        Or as I prefer , CUNTS

      • Kin ell.

        I’ve never called myself an athlete but I could do better than that well into my thirties.

    • Ah I’ve got it now, the more reviews this Israeli shit stain gets, the more points he gets, the more freebies he can scav, what a cunt….

  2. It’s what’s called ‘transposing’ The fuckwit gave himself a 3/5, well known for dim people to do this.

  3. I’ve turned leaving reviews into a bit of a hobby. Leave a review for anything, bike helmet, set of Allen keys, cat food, celoptape, absolutely anything really but write it so to involve it in a long-winded fantasy/comedic story on how the product helped you or others or changed your life somehow. I think it may bring a smile to the face of a potential purchaser for a minute or two (and your own) and also increase the chances the vendor may get their sale 🙂 I’m basically doing dogs work…

    • In that case you need to read the reviews on Amazon for Veet hair removal, they are fucking hysterical, I wouldn’t be surprised if a couple of those guys are on ISAC

  4. You should have seen the review left by some bloke who stayed B+B at a Pub. that I used to sometimes visit. It’s a small place,just a couple of letting rooms above the Bar but clean and tidy. This fella and his wife had booked in with some “Groupon” (?) discount voucher and apparently had been moaning as soon as they got too small apparently. Anyhow, he and his wife had eaten and then sat drinking in a corner of the bar ignoring any locals who said anything to them..they wobbled off to bed at about 10 o’clock. At 12.30 the husband came storming back down to demand that the jukebox be turned off and the bar closed because the noise of people laughing and shouting was disturbing him and his wife..he also moaned about people talking below his window when they went out for a smoke. Shouting and swearing at the Landlord he was…fucking foaming. The Landlord listened for a while and tried to placate him…the guest was having none of it….sure enough the landlord eventually snapped,shot out from behind the bar,grabbed a hold of the Cunt by his shirt and dragged him out of the bar and up the stairs where he threw him through the bedroom door and told him and his wife that they had 10 minutes to pack up and get the fuck out…he didn’t give them 10 minutes though…he was past that stage As the woman screamed and her husband tried to apologise the landlord threw their bags and belongs down the stairs and chased the none-too-happy holiday makers out into the carpack, closely followed by their bags and belongings. The Cunts had to spend the night in their car for fear of being done for drink-driving to go anywhere else.

    The review was a snorter but fucking amusing…physically manhandled…don’t go if you value your safety etc. but it would never have happened if the Cunt hadn’t started something that he couldn’t finish…did he really think that the landlord was going to close his Pub and upset his locals for the sake of some cheapskates on a discount scheme?…to then start fing and blinding was just the act of a spoiled brat who couldn’t get his way.

    Landlord wasn’t too bothered about the review…he had plenty of good ones and just put a stop to the discount-seeking cheapskate scheme.

    • Your landlord sounds like a good egg to be honest. He might be better off saying in his ads that the pub downstairs can be noisy until past midnight mind you lol.

      Still, sounds kind this cunt would’ve moaned anyway, so fuck him

      • The landlord is canny and normally has the patience of a Saint, but when he does go,it’s fucking volcanic.
        The noise couldn’t have been that bad anyhow,there were only a few people in. Landlord told me that the fella had been in a bad mood when he arrived and just seemed determined to be a pain-in-the-arse. Most guests tend to have a bit of banter with the locals (some of them are friendly…I’m not) and make the most of it.
        Funny how it’s normally the kind of people who are on discount schemes who seem to expect everyone to kiss their arses.


      • Surely the whole point of booking a room above a pub is that you can get sozzled until closing time, then fall into being unconscious upstairs, these cunts didn’t get it.

      • JM

        Fair point indeed. If you want peace and quiet at night, don’t book above a pub/club etc.

      • Morning DF

        That type of customer probably thinks his £30 Ryanair ticket to Benidorm is posh. He probably presses the button for cabin crew attention every two minutes (if Ryanair bother having cabin crew, of course). Bet they fucking love him.

    • PS….you could always tell when it was a couple who were “playing away”…they’d sit holding hands,whispering to each other and get away upstairs early….if it was a married couple it would normally be the bloke would get on playing pool and chatting with the locals while the wife got quietly stewed in the corner by herself, before she staggered off upstairs followed an hour later by her husband.

    • Morning,Mike.
      Hope the heat isn’t getting too much for you out’s not a problem that we need worry about too much at the minute….clarty as fuck with ice underneath..I var nigh went arse ower tit when I went to feed the horses….and to add to our delight,we’ve got lock-down and regular warnings of the apocalypse from Mad Boris and his Eggheads.

      Life just couldn’t get any rosier.

      Morning All.

      • I leave reviews occasionally,
        TripAdvisor, fleabay , Etsy, etc.
        You have to remember these are small businesses and can be badly effected by a negative review.
        Once in a while though youll get something thats below par,
        Or not as advertised,
        And if thats the case I’ll fuckin say so.
        Once had some Ukrainian bloke accuse me of breaking a item myself and demanded I change the review, called me a liar 😁
        Because he had to refund me,
        I kept referring to him as a Russian, he had a meltdown 😀👍

      • Lovely here atm. Last weekend of school holidays so been to Great Keppel Island – one of my favourite places in the world – and my son and I went scuba diving.

        Just got an email from my brother and he says it’s snowing. Enjoy!

      • Snowing here too. Won’t stop me staying indoors and staring blankly into space though.

        Morning all.

  5. It is always a good idea to leave a nice review for good hotel stays, particularly if you plan on staying there again. Upgrades and treats tend to be made available on the next visit.

    I always enjoy looking at the 1 star reviews for places that I have stayed, just to see the hotel manager tear into bullshitters and the perpetually offended. Some are eyewateringly embarrassing for the moaning minnies, who usually turn out to be tightwads looking for freebies.

  6. A perfectly lovely hotel I stayed at was plagued by some insane TripAdvisor reviews,such as,
    “I’m sure the maid stole my kit kat ” etc
    Anyhow the owners were Spanish and couldn’t give a fuck.
    Super place,some lovely ladies..

    • Seen similar from some insane Karen who lost her engagement ring while scuba diving and accused the hotel maids of stealing it in a really classy hotel in Madeira.

      The manager’s response is priceless and mentions libel, insurance fraud and the dive instructor spending an afternoon of his own time trying to find the ‘stolen’ ring.

      Probably the most polite request to fuck off and never come back I have ever seen.

  7. Morning Ruff,
    Not going sledging?
    Im trapped indoors against my will, having a new shower plumbed in.
    Cant wait to review them later!

    • I’d have thought every shower would be like a coffin Miserable. Doesn’t Mrs M just hose you off in the back garden with the dog?

      • Morning LL,
        Aye, and our bathroom is tiny anyway.
        I was happy washing in the pond but you know how fussy women can be.

      • Hehehe 😀

        Just reading in the Manchester evening news online, a bloke had a delivery from Amazon prime, when he checked the cameras the delivery driver goes round the side and curls out a shit in his garden!😁
        Amazon offered him a voucher.

      • Miserable:

        Whist visiting an acquaintance 3or 4 years ago, an Eastern European delivery driver pulled up into the verge opposite his house, got out and climbed into the back of the van, pulling the doors closed.
        This is a private lane.
        He was in there for ages, presumably looking for a parcel for my host.
        After about 10 minutes, he emerged with a box, which he threw into the hedgerow, got into his van and fucked off.
        His curiosity got the better of him and upon investigation, he discovered the box contained a solid turd of immense proportions.
        The reaction of a man in his 60’s, flapping and gagging and rushing to the downstairs cloakroom to wash his soiled hands, is a joy for any cunt to observe, as long as you are not the victim😂

        As it turns out, the chap in question turned out to be as big a cunt as the egg laying dooshka😉

      • @Mis,LL…..How strange…I’ve just looked the story up and it was actually some poor Cunt who was moving house.

        I quote from the householder…” We saw what we took to be an escaped bear loosen his braces,pull down it’s pants and dump a load of half-digested langoustines and black-pudding…splattered it’s clogs in the process. When I confronted it,it growled at me to Fuck then flashed it’s tiny Winky at my wife before driving off in a battered transit.
        I have been in contact with the local Yeti-hunter branch who hope to get to the bottom of the mystery”

        Amazon driver indeed.

      • @General….I remember when I had some lads planting for me a few years back. One of them had like a big thermos that he used to bring soup or stew in,as well as his tea thermos. His brother (!) had tipped the stew out one day while his brother was out on the hill and then shit in the thermos….absolute hell on when the brother came down at bait-time for his dinner…I genuinely thought they were going to kill each other.
        It was an uncomfortable drive home.

  8. I remember the stupid bitch who tried to get some Irish hotelier to let her and her boyfriend stay at his boutique hotel , for nothing of course.

    He wrote a scathing but beautiful, public retort , so she took to social media bawling her eyes out with “what did I do , I didn’t do anything wrong , boo hoo …”

    He is a modern day hero

      • Social influencer, fuckmonkey cunts more like, its unreal any body gives these cunts anything for nothing, there was one such cunt crying about having to come home from Dubai and not being able to pay for his Ferrari due to brits not going there due to lockdown, my heart bleeds for the scavvy cunt….not

  9. I was looking to buy a piece of electrical gadgetry recently, so I did some research and read through the reviews on Amazon.

    One happy punter gave the gadget 4 stars out of 5 and stated that it was “well-packaged, seems to have good build quality, delivered on time, excellent service from the vendor etc, etc”.

    The final sentence of his/her review was the most telling;

    ” I will update this review once I have actually used it and seen how it performs”.

    KInd of missing the point of leaving a review, you dozy cunt.

    • I hate the popup you get on some sites asking you to review the site when you’ve only just got there. There was one before Christmas that refused to budge until you’d written something about it. I wrote that whoever designed the site is a cunt and I would be looking to buy elsewhere.

      • Yes I reply stuff like that when the designers clearly hadn’t thought through the order of their impositions.

        What Is my review? In long hand, Well I came here intending to spend money but it was your stupid ill-placed and annoying customer survey that convinced me that your company hasn’t a clue about how to please the customer and it’s more than an even bet to be true about any product I WAS going to buy from you.m as well. So yez can all fuck right off Etc.

  10. I’m looking forward to our very own lord D F’s review of a Fray Bentos tinned pie. 🙂

    I’ve not had one in ages. Are they still a pain to open?

    • That’s got me going… I still have some cranberry sauce, bread sauce, stuffing, pigs in blankets left over from Christmas. I’ve had my delivery from Sam Smith’s, so a couple of Imperial Stoats would go down nicely. I wonder if sprouts are still in shops?

  11. “I bought a 19 foot dog scoffin’ python and when I came back from the nail bar da py – fon ‘ad eaten my dog Princess foo foo – and they won’t refund me ‘cos dey said I was a irresponsible cunt wot shouldn’t be near electricity let alone py-fons.
    Dey is all just haters init?”.
    Was the latest review I left! 🤣
    I do a lot of buying and selling on Ebay, been doing it for a decade and got a 100% feedback score – very important! I sell honestly, treat customers with respect (they are paying my wages and bills after all) and always let them know the items have been posted – it’s good service and good manners, but if anyone tries it on (like the p*ki fker accusing me of selling counterfeit goods who was investigated and booted off Ebay) they get owned – honest reviews are vital for small businesses.
    Royal Mail are bastards, have stolen (legally proven) and destroyed a lot of stuff I sell and I am currently ready to pull the trigger over a very expensive marble item I sold that they broke – I do not fuck around, payment or Court.
    Bad reviews are a no no in business, and this is used by people who want to take advantage or whine – but as a certain “lover of fried chiggun” found out recently after stealing a thousand quid Fendi handbag from me via Ebay – fuck around and find out. Turns out she was a serial thief and fraudster, and my evidence was part of the Court case against her.
    Steal from me? Bad move, bitch.
    Good nom! 👍

  12. When I’ve bought a film on disc and watched it, I usually leave a review on Amazon. Most of these films are ones I haven’t seen before. If they’re good I say so, if not I say so. Some of the comments have amused me. If I say a film is shit and give it one or two stars, and some cunt happens to like it, they get all indignant like I’ve insulted them, and of course I don’t know what I’m talking about.
    It’s a review, a personal opinion, which we’re both entitled to. We don’t necessarily have to agree, you numb bastards.

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