Gwyneth Paltrow’s minge is a cunt, isn’t it.

A berk from Texas, Colby Watson, is suing Gwyneth Paltrow’s company Goop. Is it because:

a.) She’s a drab, uninspiring actress.

b.) She’s a horribly conceited woman.

c.) After purchasing a vagina candle (Psh!), it exploded whilst in its jar causing him injuries.

The actress’s “This Smells Like My Fanny” retail for 69 quid prompting the question of what’s the more horrible cunt, Watson or the libtard actress’s fish purse.

Furthermore, what is worse? Being burned by a vagina candle or smelling like Paltrow’s lady ham?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9592453/Gwyneth-Paltrows-Goop-sued-claims-vagina-candle-EXPLODED.html

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

What on earth were radio and TV stations thinking about when they thrust that shower of shit on the youth of the time?

They were always too fucking old, even when they were young.

David Jacobs.
What teenager could relate to that cunt? Sitting on the Juke Box Jury pontificating if a song would be a hit or miss.

Alan Freeman.
Did you ever know anyone that rushed out to buy the latest cardigan so that they could look as cool as him?

Dave Lee Travis.
Did anyone think that by calling himself The Hairy Cornflake he became less annoying?

Jimmy Saville.
Who dyed their hair black and white and smoked cigars because they were enamoured by that cunt?

Terry Wogan.
Older than most people’s dad’s.

At a time when we would want to copy anyone that was cool, how many people referred to their friends as ‘pop pickers’ or went around saying “Now then, now then, guys and gals”?

These people were shit. Nobody liked them.
They had absolutely no musical ability or appreciation.
They wouldn’t have understood mixing, thinking that it’s something that you do in a bowl in the kitchen.

They used to play ‘pop’ records.
‘Popular’ because we had already gone out to buy them and we already had them in our collection at home.

A useless club of clueless cunts.

Nominated by: The Artful Cunter

Politicisation on the dating scene is a cunt.

I’m a single chap on the dating scene, single mainly because I won’t take any shit from wimminz who are cunts.

I still ( deluded as I am) use online dating sites in the hope of finding wimminz who might, just might be ok.

I joined Tinder a while back, and started the swiping thingy, left for fuck off, and right if she’s got nice tits, and if she visits your profile and swipes right, then you’re matched and can then message each other.

What I’ve noticed is, when reading profiles, how fucking aggressive some wimminz are. One profile in particular caught my attention. “ if you voted leave, support Israel, vote Tory, like Farage, then swipe left. We wouldn’t get on”.

What the fuckety fuck has politics got to do with how well you could potentially get on with someone. Partners in a relationship should challenge each other’s views, with respect, that’s what being in a relationship is all about, so why make meeting someone ( which is difficult enough) by alienating half of your prospective pool of matches.

It seems that wimminz have a propensity to leaning towards the left, why? Fucked if I know.

In the end I had to write on my profile, “ if you want to live in an echo chamber, then you can get yourself fucked off, because I won’t be tolerating any of that crap “.

It certainly makes the case for fucking off to Thailand or Eastern Europe, and finding a missus, which so many Western women find abhorrent. The cunts.

Nominated by: Cuntington Smythe

Private Eye was once a great magazine, a unique British institution. I used to read it regularly as a student in the late 80’s. I loved the in-jokes about Ugandan discussions, Sir Jammy Fishpate, Captain Bob, Sir Buffon Tufton, Sid and Doris Bonkers of Neasden FC, the Grauniad, Jeffrey Barnard (“Jeff bin in?”), Beardie Branson, the Dirty Digger, Brenda and Phil. I used to love the comic strip which imitated my beloved Commando Comics with Sapper Kinnock battling a Nazi Thatcher and her Waffen DHSS, with Fatty Hefner’s “cruel Cockney humour”. They also did a Dan Dare one with Thatch the Supreme Ruler of the Universe that was just as good. It was anti-establishment and stuck up for the little man. It’s mercilessly exposed corruption.

But something happened. Perhaps that something was Brexit. All of a sudden Private Eye became The Establishment. It’s satire was now directed against Brexit and against the “stupid Little Englanders” that voted for it. It came out as fanatically pro-EU. It became dreary and boring. Cover after cover lampooned Boris Johnson and Brexit. It’s not worth the paper it’s printed on any more.

The problem is likely to be Ian Hislop. He’s a self confessed Remainer and has become part of the Establishment blob that seeks to grind us down at every opportunity. He’s a preachy intolerant bore that likes to remind us how ignorant we are compared to his own enlightened status. The result is that Private Eye has been defanged and is now a boring cunt.

https://unherd.com/2019/07/how-private-eye-lost-its-bite/

Nominated by: Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine 

Andrew Marr. Leaving, thinking of leaving, threatening to leave the BBC.
Because the BBC is biased. Shock, horror.

As Battery Sergeant Major Shut Up Williams would say Oh dear. How sad. Now fuck off.

Supplementary nomination for the Beeb for employing this tosser in the first place.
Love to see him and Jeremy Clarkson bareknuckled behind the bike sheds. No fisting.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9586053/Andrew-Marr-says-leave-BBC-say-really-thinks-politics.html

Nominated by: Fudman