**Breaking News**

Following on from another abject batting display by England in the second Ashes test, the England and Wales Cricket Board has issued the following statement;

‘Having taken advice from Sir David Attenborough, the ECB is urgently looking to recruit a team of jellyfish to augment the squad in Australia, as Sir David believes that they will display more spine than the current team. Any jellyfish prepared to embark for Australia at short notice should contact the Board asap’.

A spokesman for No 10 has confirmed that Boris Johnson is to convene a meeting of the COBRA committee, to determine whether the team should be recalled in order to prevent further humiliation to the nation. ‘The SAS and RAF have been placed on 24 hour standby, in case it’s decided that an emergency rescue and evacuation is necessary to stop further slaughter’, said the spokesman.

When asked for his views on the matter, cricket legend Sir Geoffrey Boycott snarled ‘it’s a bit o’ rubbish, is this England team; cannon fodder, nowt else. Aussies are pissin’ on us chips. This lot wouldna ‘ave bin paaaayed in t’ leather washers in t’maaah day, t’big girls’ blouses’.

Stay tuned for further updates as the situation develops.

BBC Cricket Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

And there’s more. This time from Cuntybollocks

The Ashes Test series

This is something I look forward to every two years. The current series is taking place in Australia, and England have managed to give Australia the series win before half the alloted playing time has been completed. Believe me, that means it was a fucking slaughter.

I think our test team should only play blind and spaccy teams from now, so the can be competitive. It’s been a fucking embarrassment.

I also want to cunt the Aussies too, for patronising the ‘indigenous’ Aussie they put in their team (an ‘Abo’ I think. I didn’t realise until they said so. I just thought he was an ugly cunt). The Aussie team were chasing him around, mobbing him and slapping his back, even between overs and even if he hadn’t taken a wicket.

The cunt played well to be fair, but it just felt like the Aussie crowd and the team were treating him a bit like ‘Ooh who’s a clever little monkey boy then?’

Maybe the ground staff messed with the pitch too before we batted and made sure it was flat when they batted? Or stole our team’s bats and replaced them with wonky ones? You never know with a country made up of the offspring of convicts, I suppose. Yes, these grapes are fucking sour.

Still, well played Australia, but I’d put the England team in the stocks on their return (apart from maybe Root, Malan and Anderson).

And well played that ugly abo cunt. No need to patronise him like that though, FFS.

No big surprise that the BoE increased bank interest rates from 0.1% to 025% as it admitted it was completely on the back foot with the way the Consumer Price Index has spiralled out of control over the last 6 months, and gone way over the BoE’s forecast of 2% by the end of 2021. And is currently at its highest rate since September 2011

CPI Annual Rate Trending

However, the BoE warned that further interest rates were likely if inflation is not capped, especially in an uncertain economy of labour and material shortages in certain sectors, of continual covid worries, increases in National Insurance Contributions and taxation, higher energy & fuel bills and a steady rise in unemployment in skilled industries.

A rise in interest rates should be very good news for hard-pushed savers. But we all know this is not always the case, especially with CPI inflation currently at around 5.1% (11/2021), which is a jump of almost 1% on the previous month, and could rise to as much as 8.3% by mid 2022 before levelling off.

Inevitably it will be the borrowers who will be the main target, especially those coming to the end of a fixed-rate, or are on variable or discount mortgages. The ripple effect when the banks put up their rates on credit cards, loans and mortgages could be quite devastating, especially for those who have overstretched themselves.

Of course it would help if we had a proper Tory PM at the helm, rather than dithering Boris, who has already lost a by-election, and has 100 backbenchers on his back, with more to follow if he doesn’t get a grip of things fast.

In the interim 2022 is going to a be a cunt of a year for most ordinary people, especially if interest rates rise to 1% as has been rumoured. (And don’t forget that’s the bank base rate, not the rate the banks charge consumers, which is often quite a lot more!)

Inflation
Interest Rates
Foreign Debt
Unemployment
Energy Bills
National Insurance and direct/indirect Taxation
Labour shortages
Brexit failures
Uncontrolled Immigration
Wokeism
By-election defeats and a disillusioned Tory grassroot support
Backbench revolts
Unrealistic & hugely expensive Green policies
Covid uncertainties
A Crumbling NHS and incompetent government Departments

… yes, 2022 is going to be a cunt, but none of the above will be enough to shift the biggest cunt of all out of No. 10!

BBC News Link

Nominated by: Technocunt

Pretentious authors deserve a cunting.

1.Any book which has been either shortlisted for, or won an award, is usually shite.

2. Authors who write stories in the present tense, as if they want to ‘place the reader in the action’ are cunts. Whenever I’m in the library (aka local community centre full of noisy cunts on their phones, and cunty kids running up and down like wild animals), if I see a book with this style of writing, I just won’t bother with it, even if the plot looks interesting.

3. Authors who just write meaningless crap.
Example, Lucy Ellman who wrote Ducks, Newburyport. This must surely be the biggest pile of pretentious shit in recent history. I had a brief look at it and saw it was a load of inconsequential rambling, with no structure or plot. Just one long sentence, lasting over 1000 pages, consisting of mindless shite, written by someone who must have been high as a kite at the time.

It also won awards, ergo, shite.

A waste of anyone’s time, unless you read the Grauniad, not to mention a waste of paper.

Amazon Link

Nominated by: mystic maven

An emergency cunting please Admin for the Booster Programme, which is a complete and utter cunt. Sorry, the report in the Telegraph is behind a paywall, but the headline tells it all.

I can barely control my anger at what is going on. 5000 people a month could miss being diagnosed with cancer because GPs are being forced to cancel appointments and concentrate instead on the booster programme. A programme to vaccinate people against a Covid variant which is harmless to virtually everyone.

Is anyone running this shitshow of a government aware that CANCER IS NOT HARMLESS. Get your fucking priorities right, you cunts. What would you rather have, a mild viral infection or cancer?

Telegraph News Link

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

(NOTICE. Please be civil and no personal abuse please. – Day Admin)

British citizens living in Spain were always permitted to drive here with their UK driving licences. That was confirmed by the EU logo printed on the licences.

After Brexit it was known that eventually British citizens would have to swap their UK licences for Spanish ones. But there was no indication of when that might be.

Those of us that could find the time and could deal with the huge amount of Spanish paperwork needed did so, but with the bureaucracy here it is was not a process to be taken lightly.

Spain has been appealing to Britain for a deal to ensure that the British residents in Spain can continue to drive indefinitely. Of course the Spanish wanted a deal done straight away. But the ‘oven ready’ package put forward by the shambolic Johnson was not quite as oven ready as it should have been.

The Spanish government gave Britain a deadline of October to get the situation resolved. But there was still no deal in place. So the Spanish extended the deadline until the end of December.

Again there has been absolutely nothing put forward by the British government.

In frustration half of all the Tráfico centres here are no longer processing applications from the British to change their licenses. And from January 1st all residents of Spain that hold a UK driving licence will have to take both parts of the Spanish driving test.
The practical test will only be taken in the Spanish language.

Somehow Norway, Switzerland and Russia have deals in place that mean that despite not being part of the EU their citizens can drive legally without the need to take another driving test.

Britain can’t quite put a deal together for this simplistic thing.

News Link

Nominated by: The Artful Cunter