Bit of an odd one this. Burglars deserve a cunting. As some of you are probably aware, I happen to be a massive Sci-Fi fan. I take that hobby to the point that I buy models and figurines from the various shows that I like. I have an entire collection of models and figures from the OG Star Wars, Star Trek Babylon 5 and Battlestar Galactica. I also have various figures from the Marvel/DC universes, all proudly on display in my office. I have over 1000 models and figurines, and my collection is not even finished yet. A lot of them are very expensive, some are a rather more reasonably priced. I even have some antique props from the actual shows, such as a Viper pilot’s helmet from the original Battlestar Galactica and a full sized Cylon Centurion, complete with flashing red strobe light. The Piese de resistance however, is a massive 1:330 scale refit original Enterprise from the Motion Picture.
Someone, who used to be a friend decided that they would like to start a collection like mine. Except, instead of going on t’inernet to source them, he decided that he’d pay someone to steal mine. Fortunately for me, he picked someone who makes Inspector Clouseau look a genious. I easily caught this prick at 3am this morning, trying to unlock the door to my office, which has quite an expensive security system. The windows are all two small for anyone who isn’t three years to get in.
I don’t sleep very well, so after hearing the sounds of someone moving around downstairs, and finding this chump trying to jemmy my office door open. He pulled a knife and a scuffled ensued, during which he found out why it’s a bad idea to try to fight an angry 6’5″ former army commando. Plod were called, who turned up surprising quickly and arrested the little shit. Questioning later revealed that he’d been offered £50 by said ex-friend to steal as much of my collection as he could, including the vintage helmet.
Needless to say, he and I are no longer friends, and never will be again. None of our mutual friends are in a hurry to forgive him either. This guy knew full well that most of my models are fairly cheap to acquire. He knew where he could acquire them. And he could easily afford them. So why did he decide to try to steal my stuff instead? What a cunt.
Update: Ex-friend has been arrested and admitted to the offence. He claims he was drunk at the time he offered incompetent Raffles the 50 quid to break into my house. I’m also looking around for a better security system, because for I what I paid, I would expect it to do its fucking job and keep thieving cunts OUT of my house.
Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw
