It’s getting closer to that time of year again, when the sun shines on the fields of Worthy farm, awaiting the deluge of dickheads called Toby and Cressida who’ve paid £300 each to sit in a field listening to shite they can hear anywhere.

it must be Spastonbury!
…Glastonbury!

This year’s tossers include Fat Reg, Rick Astley, Lizzo, Lil Nas, Lewis Fat cunt Capsldi, dreary bint Lana del Rey (hwaah-hwaaah-hwaaah), Carly ‘Call me maybe’ Jepsen, Zoe Ball’s house husband and a range of other cunts.

I’m sure the BBC will send far too many cunts to cover this celebration of musical mediocrity just for a jolly up at the expense of pensioners and those struggling to keep lights on while they guffaw and bray over champers and lines of marching powder.

Fuck the climate, keep the generator for the chiller going!

I’m sure they’ve never seen so many white monied and gormless faces in one place.
‘Like, ohh my Goorrrd! I HACTUALLY saw the Arctic Monkeys fifteen years after their peak!’

Surely the greedy Eavises are treating it as a cunt test now?
£ 300 for Rick Astley and fat fucks Capaldi and Lizzo?
‘Let’s see just how many mugs we can catch this year, Emily!’
‘Doesn’t look like much of a Cost of living crisis for this bunch of suckers, does it daddy?’

It would cost three times that to pay me to go, not including lost earnings, petrol and the vast quantities of medicinal alcohol needed to put up with the insufferable chuntering of the clueless , mouth-breathing media graduate fucktards surrounding me making vlogs and being seen.
Suddenly, one of the brighter ones has an epiphany;
‘yaah, why can’t we just, like, get rid of like all the weapons?’
You’d be the first in the bin, Tristan.

Shut it down and lock the gate so the pig doesn’t get out.

Glastonbury

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.

Hope you cunters will forgive me? I was going to use a picture of some bearded hippies in the mud, but on reflection much preferred the one I eventually chose. C.A.

A little bit more on this subject from Jezzum Preist below.

A warning is out for all the Clarisas and Juliens.

No wellies needed this year.
But do drink plenty of water, heaven forbid that any of you pretentious, overpriveliged, under educated chimps should get dehydrated, resulting in you becoming even more brain dead than you already are.

I wonder how many times the emergency services are going to have to attend this year’s yahyah fest?

While your Gran lies on a cold floor with a broken hip.

 
Oh, God, What now?

Well, she’s somehow managed to get another of her dogs killed.

There’s been a petition doing the rounds to have her banned from keeping pets, and as this is the fifth dog in her care ( that we know of) to die, I fully endorse it.

Don’t know about the rest of you but, if I’d been so careless, I certainly wouldn’t be bleating about it on social media. Seems her animal care skills are as slack as her fanny.

Claims the dog was deliberately run over ( what was it doing wandering about?) and she’s “investigating”.
Fuck me!

Daily Mirror

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

 
I’d like to make a nom for yampy brain dead fuckwits who can’t drive,was out driving ,keeping myself to myself as always,when some prick drove past shouting shit ,dumb fucks like this are the kind who could cause a crash and what they did was downright stupid and dangerous to anyone on the road.

It takes in my opinion intelligence to drive well and clearly their actions displayed they had none ,if it wasn’t me it could have been some newbie who just passed driving test or sumet, morons like this shouldn’t be on a fucking road full stop.

Nominated by Mind you own business you nosy bastard.

 
Drag queen story time for children under the age of six is pure unadultareated cuntishness of the highest order…..give me fucking strength.

I’m sure things like this are designed deliberately to act as social and cultural wedges to divide society and make us all easier to dominate. After all, all the while we are getting angry about such distasteful and utterly pointless events we are not challenging our overlords that are doing their level best to drag us all off to Net Zero globalist hell in a hand cart.

What boils my piss is that those that use such a tool to divide us seem to care not a jot for the innocents that may get disturbed or confused by all of this vile shit.

I literally could not give a flying fuck how other people want to live their lives, I honestly wish them well in their quest for happiness but dont start to try forcing others into your own way of thinking and do not even frikkin think about trying to weaponise children and compromise the family unit. Satanic Marxist cunts.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Cunter S Thompson.
I endorse this cunting 100% C.A.

 
is a cunt, isn’t it.

Glamour UK magazine has put a pregnant man on the front cover. It proves, scientifically, beyond all doubt, that men can have children.

That’s it then. It’s over. Case closed. You’re all fucking bigots.

Oh no, wait. Logan is a woman who made the transition to become a man by cutting off her tits and …saying she’s a man. She became pregnant by boyfriend Bailey when she stopped taking her testosterone tablets.

Now Logan Brown is “educating” people about men being able to become up the duff, which s is odd because…. they can’t, and this case proves it:

A man fucks woman, dropping his cock-snot into this munter’s fish tunnel, then the scrotum-sauce swimmers fertilise this wacko’s egg.

Who knew that ejaculating your Daddy’s Sauce into a minge could produce an ankle-biter? Well, Nature.

Glamour Magazine

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous.