Yes dear cunters, it is that time of the year again, when the majority white neighbourhood of Notting hill gets it’s nose rubbed in divershitty good and proper.
Walking the hound this morning I can see that preparations are already underway, with any shop containing anything worth stealing emptied of stock and boarded up before a flood of mostly peaceful looters, steaming crews and stab technicians grace our area to enjoy the riot with a soundtrack.
The crime stats will again be fudged this year to show only crimes reported inside the carnival zone and not the surrounding areas. Otherwise people might get the idea that holding a glorified riot in an enclosed space for London’s street crime aficionados is actually as stupid and dangerous as it sounds.
The police will of course be present in their thousands and will be filmed half heartedly interacting with festival goers while wearing fixed grins, as some 30 stone sheboon wipes her fat, sweaty arse up and down their trouser legs.
Probably not the WPC who was raped last year though, because she clearly doesn’t appreciate diversity any more and for some reason has turned a bit racist of late.
Little Sadique Khan will show his face for all of five minutes on children’s day to tell us all how diversity is our strength. While surrounded by a dozen armed coppers with four police marksmen on overwatch, a police helicopter with snipers on board circling overhead and a couple of RAF typhoons with full payloads on standby just in case the (ahem) ‘far right’ turn up…in the middle of half a million black people.
A quick mention of Grenfell, a couple of photos with some multicoloured kids and a morbidly obese mudshark with tits down to her belly button and it’s time for his security team to bundle him hurriedly into the booster seat of his armoured Range Rover and get him as far away as possible across London as fast as the supercharged 5 litre V8 petrol engine can carry them through his ULEZ scheme.
Young men who like to wear duffle coats and hoodies in the middle of summer are at this moment sharpening their machetes, pouring sulphuric acid into Evian bottles and dividing an ounce of weed cut with parsley into 120 one gram bags to sell to stupid middle class white people for £20 a go in readiness for the festivities ahead.
All in all, it should be the absolute shit show that it is every year. Only the statistics change.
Please don’t make yourself one of them by coming anywhere near this part of town.
I’ll let you know how it all went down on Monday night. After the dust has settled, the blood spatter has been hosed off and the body bags have been quietly carted out the back door, away from the prying eyes of the national press
I would like to second this nomination.
If you have the misfortune to be a local resident, like I was briefly several years back, the carnival is nothing short of hell on earth.
It starts with you having to move your car out of the area for 3 days – after having paid a fucking fortune for an annual parking permit!
Then you have to dig for the ensuing weekend as the streets are practically impassable.
Even if they weren’t nobody in their right mind would go out anyway.
If you plan to go away you need to leave before the mayhem commences cos the local bus and underground services are all cancelled.
Basically you’re fucked during the “celebrations” that include cunts pissing, shitting, puking, fucking and sleeping in your front garden.
Local businesses board up their ground floor doors and windows.
The noise from sound systems on every corner is indescribable and your windows vibrate constantly.
Forget fucking sleep.
If you have a dog (we did) then you’re unable to walk it.
Even if you were able to fight your way to the nearest park it would be locked/boarded up.
Also there’s chiggun bones and broken glass strewn everywhere which, despite the cursory cleanup afterwards, remains for weeks on end, so even when it’s over walking your dog is still risky.
Numerous dog choking incidents and paw cuts are reported by the local vets.
Last year’s event was one of the worst ever.
8 reported stabbings, 2 cunts in hospital, one in critical condition, 308 arrests, more than 75 cops kicked, punched, spat upon, bitten, head-butted, pissed on, etc.
2 million cunts visiting in a such a small area…
If it has to take place why not move it to a contained venue like the 42 acres that comprise Buckingham Palace gardens?
After all, the Royals love all this multicultural shit, sitting in front of savages prancing about in grass skirts with bones through their noses and stuff.
They could hold it there as a tribute to our late Queen and her precious fucking Commonwealth, Gawd bless her…
Thank the lord we’re now well away from it.
Daily Fail
A dual nomination by Odin and Mingejuice Bottler.
