I recently bought a ‘best of’ CD by a band called The Divine Comedy. A little research told me a well known song by them is called National Express. I checked it out on YT (link below). I think the video would have been funnier had it been set on an actual coach, but the lyrics are hilarious. Here’s an excerpt:

YouTube.

On the National Express there’s a jolly hostess
Selling crisps and tea
She’ll provide you with drinks and theatrical winks
For a sky-high fee
Mini-skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle
Back in ’63 (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
But it’s hard to get by when your arse is the size
Of a small country

Anyway, this got me reminiscing about my own National Express days when, as a student in Leicester, I’d travel by coach for hours to see my then girlfriend in Newcastle. For a laugh, I jumped on the National Express website to see if they still operate that route, how long it takes and how much it costs nowadays. And thus the point of this cunting.

Costing out a return ticket I noticed a booking fee with a little information link next to it. So I clicked that and saw this:

When booking a ticket with National Express, we charge a booking fee which is different depending on the way in which you book:
Using our website – £1.50
Using one of our station’s ticket vending machines – £2
Buying a ticket at the coach station desk – £2
Phoning our contact centre – £3

So to travel with National Express you have to book your ticket and to do that they charge you a booking fee? Isn’t that like Tescos charging you an entrance fee in order to buy their food in their supermarkets? It gets worse as they completely undermine their own justification for doing this. Their explanation continued:

The booking fee helps us to make sure that our website, payment, and booking engines are as secure as possible for our customers. Charging a small booking fee also means that we can constantly invest in new technology to make sure that you get the best experience when booking tickets on our website.

Hang on. They’re choosing to have an online booking system in order to attract more customers 24×7. The cost of that infrastructure is just part of doing business, but they’re charging customers a separate fee to use that booking mechanism. OK then, why not just buy the ticket in person at the coach station ticket counter? Oh wait, there’s a £2 booking fee for that, so what’s that fee paying for? Locks on the staff lavatory doors? ‘Phoning in a booking must be the cheapest option of all, right? Wrong! That’s £3 and here’s why:

For phone bookings, adding a small fee to each ticket means that we have enough staff in our contact centre and coach stations to process your booking as smoothly as possible.

So ‘phone customers are paying for the privilege of calling in new business and subsidising in person coach station transactions which they didn’t use. And finally dear cunters, the icing on their bullshit cake is this:

No Booking fee with My Account: Sign up to My Account for free and save £1.50 on your ticket purchase when you book online.

So if everyone had a free online account to avoid the £1.50 online booking fee, how would National Express, “make sure that our website, payment, and booking engines are as secure as possible for our customers”? Equally, how would they “constantly invest in new technology to make sure that you get the best experience when booking tickets on our website”?

Fucking hypocrites. I’d have more respect for these cunts if their website just said, “We charge a booking fee for no reason other than to boost our profits. We get away with it because this customer fleecing practice is so prevalent now, customers just expect it and pay up. If you don’t like it, fucking walk”.

What other bullshit fees need exposing? Over to you.

Nominated by : Imitation Yank

are a cunt if you are a labour gang member, apparently.

When I first saw this headline, about Labour blocking the use of swift bricks, I assumed that they were some kind of dodgy building materials, a la Grenfell Towers, and Labour were acting swiftly (see what I did there) to protect us.

Dear me, no.

Swift bricks are nesting boxes for swifts, usually located up in the eaves and cunningly disguised as a brick ( sort of).

So why have Labour blocked this seemingly innocuous plan?
The answer is in the link, but to summarise,
Just because they can.

Guardian

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Credit to the cunt Unkle Terry for inspiring this one on a recent comment. I usually like to keep it light, but it’s a bit of a heavy cunting this one.

A full throttled cunting for British society for the recent addition to the drop in social standards and increasing excuses to be a lazy cunt.

It’s been happening for a while, but recently I’m seeing more threads of it.

First was some people I know (won’t say friends, cunts dont earn that privilege) who were getting chufties for running a marathon and were telling everyone on every medium possible that they are now ‘elite’… Instead of dropping to my knees and praising them I asked for their time. Well it was past 7 hours… So I just said: so you walked a marathon then. And got cunted. But 26 miles in 7 hours is not running. It literally can be done by a trained walker. My issue wasn’t with this feat. It was the context behind it that this person has been running with a club for over 5 years, and always brings the fucking topic up at every insufferable occasion and was making out they ‘slayed it’.

I don’t run marathons anymore because I need what’s left of my knees for lifting, but I was banging marathons out when I was 20 without telling anyone on a Saturday (except you now) and only 4 months of conditioning on my own with no association, just some hills. I mean fuck, doing 26 miles on a Saturday became another day before an actual race.

Next was someone telling me they prefer men with a dad bod when another commented on my physique. (Been lean cutting down to 10% body fat over the last 6 months) The information from this person was volunteered by them, in a bid to make them feel better about their partner I assume. So I called them out on their insecure projections, because I never made any comment to cunt someone, that’s not my style. We are all different and at different stages within our lives.

It’s not about being ‘better’ than others, but people are dragging anyone and everything down to the lowest denominator to protect their own justification to be average. By default, you become better by doing nothing more.

That and no one wants to see someone else succeed. Wanting to degrade others into being normal so they can outcompete them. If you stand out or are different, society is usually pretty quick to let you know you are different and in a negative way.

Is this becoming more evident because of how the west has been punishing capitalism and employing liberalist ideologies such as diversity and equality ?

Used to be about employing the excellent candidates, the top percentiles, which statistically were rare, or ‘weird’ where now they just employ an average ‘bum on a seat’ ? Presumably because excellent talent and quality just doesn’t exist in as much abundance to match the population growth.

Social media uniting lots of average people becoming a large echo chamber with advertiser’s attacking them for easy and quick revenue generation ?

just seems like what most people do now is: just do something for the social media drop / doing it for the medal of participation, rather than doing something for the drive of success or the results.

Cunts. Maybe this is all just part of the plan of social engineering.

‘Used to be we chased excellence because it fed the soul. Now cunts chase mediocrity because it feeds the algorithm’

Nominated by : Cunt Executive Officer

Classic case of ambition over skill. She began by singing formulaic teen-pop songs like some talentless karaoke bint before marrying Chris Evans when she was 18. After his career waned, she divorced him and boarded the Laurence Fox train for a few years, then banged an indie band singer for a while.

Personally, I don’t understand the appeal. This hyena-jawed whiner with over-blackened eyebrows, too much make-up,and average tits has always seemed overrated. You have to have more than just looking a bit Aspergy. Every series she does is dreary ‘strong female lead’-type, hackneyed crap.

Of course, being a millionaire celeb, she’s criticised the Tories, toxic masculinity, and riiiight-wiiing politics. Zzzz.

She’s most famous for the once-intetesting, now politicised Doctor Who bullshit which she’s milked for years: spin-offs, returns, podcasts, anything for the lucre. How else can she squeeze more drips of cash out of this wretched kids show?

Should have spent more time in acting class and less time at the dentist or having her moustache waxed.

NY Post. (Link from Night Admin – NA)

Nominated by : Captain Magnanimous

I have the honour to nominate simpering ninny Benjamin ‘Soy Boy’ Butterworth for a cunting, and not, may I add, for the first time.

Little Benjy is a cunter’s cunt; an on-going source of delight and inspiration to us all.
Well I recall him making an ass of himself when he accused JK ‘Jugs’ Rowling of being transphobic, on the basis that a character in her novel ‘Troubled Blood’ dresses as a woman in order to facilitate a murder. Yes, Butterball actually claimed on breakfast telly that this was prejudicial to the trans ‘community’, because the public was too dim-witted to know the difference between a tranny and a person utilising a disguise for nefarious purposes. Susanna Reid pointed this out sharpish, and asked whether he’d actually read the book. Naturally he hadn’t.

Luckily for us he just ploughs on, undetered by his own supreme twatishness, and just how big a ham shanker he makes himself look. This is the plank who told us that Meghan Markle was ‘a private person’. What? The world’s most self-centred, publicity craving narcissist ‘a private person’? Yeh, and I’m the Duke of Edinburgh.
Let’s also not forget the time he told us all how much MPs deserved a pay rise, and that we needed to pay more for the BBC.

So what’s the irritating little tick said this time to put my nose out of joint? Well believe it or not, he recently claimed on ‘GB News’ that (get this) ‘TwoTierFreeGear’ Starmer was ‘doing an excellent job’, and focusing on ‘fixing the foundations’ of the nation. Oh he’s fixing things alright; just ask pensioners, just ask those running small businesses, or all those struggling to pay their food, rent, mortgage and utility bills. Just ask fisherman and Brexit voters, and everyone who wants to get control of our own borders before the country becomes a complete Third World shithole.

Yeah Benjy, Starmer’s doing an excellent job. An excellent job of selling us out. An excellent job of showing us what a lying, two-faced, treacherous shit he is. Still, don’t that trouble you, as you sit snugly in your little bit of the Metrobubble and big up Keir Stalin and Labour. You’re doing an excellent job too, by the way, of promoting yourself as a colossal cunt. Keep up the good work.

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.