‘The quality of mercy is not strained; it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven’. So wrote the legendary Bard of Avon. Well sorry, Willy old son, but I’m afraid that there are certain instances where that quality most certainly IS strained, and I present the case of Shamima Begum.

IsAC regulars will be no strangers to the ferret-faced traitor, who fled culturally enriched Bethnal Green to become a Jihadi bride in the self-styled Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant. Various sources have alleged that Begum served as a Kalashnikov flaunting member of IS’s ‘morality police’, an enforcer for the nutters’ repulsive code. She’s also been accused of stitching suicide bombers into explosive vests, so that they could not be removed without triggering detonation. A right little charmer, in other words. Begum was subsequently tracked to a refugee camp by a reporter from ‘The Times’, and told him that she did not regret her decision to join IS. She also stated that she was unfazed by the sight of a beheaded corpse, and that she had actually been ‘inspired’ to join IS after seeing videos of fighters beheading hostages.

Of course Begum was now a ‘refugee’ as things hadn’t gone at all well for IS in general, and for her in particular, as (then) Home Secretary Sajid Javid had stripped her of her UK citizenship. It’s now been announced that Begum has lost the first stage in a legal battle against the UK government to have her citizenship reinstated, although the appeal will no doubt be merely the first one of many. Ferret Face’s legal representatives are claiming that the appeal ‘will appear baffling to her’ (what a fucking shame that is), as she faces the possibility of ‘torture, inhuman or degrading treatment’, which is against the European Convention on Human Rights.
Fucking human rights? What about the rights of the victims of IS? Oh yes, then there’s that ‘quality of mercy’ that those victims probably begged for as they were thrown off roofs, stoned to death, or beheaded. Funnily enough, Begum is now asking for some of that ‘mercy’ from the government for herself. She’s also graciously conceded that she’s ‘willing to change’. ‘Willing to change’? Are we to infer from these weasel words Shamima that you still, in fact, harbour the sentiments which drove you into the arms of IS to begin with?

‘Willing to change’. That’s mighty big of you. Now that things have gone tits up, I’m sure that you just can’t wait to get ‘home’ and be British again. There’ll be a house and benefits waiting for you, you’ll be thinking. Then there’ll likely be appearances on the telly, and the ‘My Life As A Jihadi Bride’ book deal, and interviews with the bleeding hearts at arsewipe rag ‘The Guardian’, who’ll be desperate to paint you as ‘vulnerable’ and a ‘victim’ in your sordid story. No, I bet you can’t wait to get back, just as we can’t wait to have you (NOT). Just kidding. We’ve really missed you, and all that enrichment you’ve brought into our lives. Allahu Akbar and stuff. Let’s forgive and forget.

Piss be upon you. Cunt.

Nominted by Ron Knee

Having just been attacked by a paddling pool in the garden and observed a neighbours trampoline make an airborne escape to (I presume) surrey.

I will call on this weather related on topic cunting, I myself will retire to the wood-burner with another glass of Cabbies and see how things unfold with the help of the APU (Generator to plebs)

Carry on cunting chaps.

Nominated by Admin.

A first cunting for Labour leader hopeful, Lisa Nandy. Shaggable? Yes, but she has now stuck her nose into areas which should be left to the woke wankers, and not a potential leader.

The lovely ‘Litha’ wants to change the OBE award to read ‘Order of British Excellence’ rather than ‘Empire’. Now I wouldn’t necessarily object to the word ‘Excellence’, if it were not for the reasoning behind it. She says ‘Empire’ causes offence to some people and used the example of Benjamin Zephaniah, a ‘poet’ with a shit hairdo. He refused the OBE because it reminded him of slavery and a thousand years of oppression, yes a thousand. The British Empire blamed for a thousand years. Not sure about that. Too much weed, Ben.

The point is that this is yet another opportunity to slag off Britain and its past. I would say to those people who have some strange desire to dwell on long gone history and try to constantly apologise for it, FUCK OFF.

I am not defending the honours system, but the right for Britain to have a tradition and history. It happened and this is our way of life. Sending kids down mines was bad and was stopped…having an award with the word ‘Empire’ in it isn’t!

Nominated by Sick of it

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee. I’m speaking to you from the House of Commons, where I’ve been invited to meet Layla Moran MP. It’s nice to be here, Miz. Moran”.

‘Well I’ve graciously granted you two minutes from my extremely hectic schedule. As a highly relevant Liberal Democrat MP, I’ve got a hugely important message to state once more to the nation. BREXIT HAS YET TO BE DONE’.

“Er, excuse me, but I’m confused. You’re aware, are you not, that the UK formally left the European Union on 31st January, and we’re now starting the process of negotiating a trade deal”.

‘You’re not listening, so I’ll say it again. Brexit. Has. Still. To. Be. Done. I reiterate what I said recently on “The Andrew Neil Show”. The government must realise that the UK’s future lies firmly in continuing membership of the EU’s customs union and single market. This means that we now have to align ourselves as closely as we possibly can, so that to all intents and purposes, we’ll still be a member. Is that clear enough for you?’.

“Is this some kind of joke? We’ve just endured four years of trench warfare about this, and the nation has now voted conclusively on the issue. Your party has been reduced to a rump in the Commons, and the people have given a huge mandate to the government to enable it to get Brexit done. After all of that, you expect us tamely to hand our destiny back to Brussels again?. The PM and other ministers have made it crystal clear that we won’t be rule-takers from Brussels any more. You seem, if I may say so, completely delusional in your inability to accept that the UK really has left the EU.”.

‘Absolutely not. It’s the people who are in fact deluded. They’ve been brainwashed by vile, disgusting anti-EU lies, and by the terrible smears made against poor, victimised Remain supporters’.

“Hold on! That’s tantamount to calling Leave voters stupid yet again”.

‘Well so they are; peasants who don’t know what’s in their own best interests. I, on the other hand, am doubly blessed. As both a Londoner and a Lib Dem, I possess that superior Metropolitan intellect that is sadly denied to mere provincials. It falls to myself and my comrades to pick up the cross. The UK will always be a star on that glorious blue and gold banner, and it is our task to rid the little people of their misapprehensions and phobias, and lead them back to the glorious sunlit uplands where stands the new Jerusalem!’.

“But-”

‘That’s your two minutes. I’m off to meet the girlfriend for a soy latté. Ode an die Freude, anstimmen und freudenvollere…’ *trips away*

“Wait! You’ve dropped your bottle of pills… Oh dear, she’s gone. Well that was short and not very sweet. This Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Nominated by Ron Knee