I’m now on some sort of register for having to Google search for people pissing.

Pissing in middle-age is a total cunt.

A mere 9 years ago when I was 40, I was pissing like a racehorse as soon as my helmet was free of my undies and now, despite really needing a slash, I have to wait 20-30 seconds before the first pathetic dribble appears, increasing to a full ‘torrent’, which is about as vigorous as lumpy gravy strained through an old sock.

And wanking? What the fuck is up with wanking?
20 years ago I used to shoot my toxic jizz a country mile and regularly managed to land some in a bird’s hair.
But now?
Jesus wept, it ‘erupts’ with all the force of dripping thick porridge off the edge of a cold spoon.

Getting older sucks. But I’m sure in another 10 years as I rocket towards 60/the grave, I’ll get my second wind and will be flinging bodily fluids around with gay abandon.
Right, slightly elderly cunters?!

Nominated by: Thomas the Cunt Engine

Seconded by: Hard Brexit Cunt

I second your nomination as I know how you feel. I once shot my load in my own mouth but now struggle to squirt my man milk past my belly button.

My first piss in the morning is miserable. It comes out in dribs and drabs and not where I am aiming. Gone are the days when my piss went in all directions after a great night’s shag.

Not the only meth in this picture I suspect.

For allowing gay couples to marry in their churches.

There was a great Not The Nine O’Clock News sketch where Mel Smith played a liberal Anglican vicar arguing for Satanists to be allowed into the Church. Very funny.
Well, sodomy used to be decried as one of the ‘abominations crying out for vengeance’.
Now it is to be celebrated. In church.

Two blokes getting married eh?-‘to have and to hold, from this day forward, till death us do part’. Does one say ‘to love, honour and obey’ I suppose the submissive one will say that.
‘Here comes the groom, here comes the groom, all dressed in pink’.
I wonder what poor John Wesley would think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWa3LyvFOdc

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-57658161

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

Never has irony been more prevalent.

It’s hard to believe that these loons are still around in the 21st Century. The shocking fact is that flat Earth beliefs are gaining traction, mainly from conspiracy theorists and pseudo-scientists – the types that think the Apollo Missions were faked and that Elvis is alive and working in Burger King. For instance, In 2017 the US rapper B.o.B started a crowd-funding campaign to raise $1 million to launch a satellite to seek evidence that our planet is flat. The campaign fell flat.

Apparently 7% of the Brazilian population – some 11 million people – believe that the Earth is flat. This has been attributed to a resurgent evangelical Christian church. Religious fundamentalism is spreading these ideas in Islamic countries too. In 2017 a geology student in Tunisia was intending to submit a PhD defending her work on a flat-Earth model. These views have also been fuelled by You Tube and Twitter.

There are a number of flat-Earth theories. Some propose that the Earth’s edges are surrounded by a wall of ice holding in the oceans. Others say our flat planet and its atmosphere are encased in a huge, hemispherical snow globe from which nothing can fall off the edges.

To account for night and day, flat-Earthers think the Sun moves in circles around the North Pole. Another idea suggests that the Sun and Moon are 50 km in diameter and circle the disc-shaped Earth at a height of 5500 km, with the stars above on a rotating dome.

Many flat-Earthers also reject gravity, suggesting that the flat Earth is accelerating through space up at 9.8 m/s2 to give the illusion of gravity. The adherents of these views believe there is a massive conspiracy, involving NASA and the astronomical community, to cover up the existence of a flat Earth.

Some may think Flat Earthers are harmless eccentrics. They’re not. They are dangerous. Before long they will be combining with proponents of intelligent design to push the frontiers of scientific illiteracy even further. Soon they will be saying belief in a round Earth is a colonial and racist imposition, dreamed up by white men.

A bunch of flat headed cunts.

https://www.tfes.org/

They also believe Australia doesn’t exist and is a fictional place manned with actors pretending to be from there.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/shortcuts/2018/apr/15/australia-doesnt-exist-and-other-bizarre-geographic-conspiracies-that-wont-go-away

Nominated by – Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

Unfortunately I can’t give this piece of shit his moment in the sun, but he cannot go unnoticed for his deeds.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9737671/Illegal-immigrant-raped-brain-damaged-woman-caring-fathered-son-jailed.html

There are so many things wrong with this story it’s hard to know where to start.
Illegal immigrant from Ghana get employed by some council to care for a brain damaged woman, who he goes on to rape, resulting in the unfortunate woman becoming pregnant and having a child.

This utter vermin, an assistant pastor with his local loony chapter, then tried to blame lodgers for his crime, and also found time to threaten the woman’s family before he was finally arrested.

In court he eventually showed some remorse, and mentioned his religion and his work with the church. Through an interpreter mind, as even though he’s been here illegally for 21 years, and told the employer he had excellent English skills.

Sentenced to just over eleven years, he’ll be out in six at most, and it doesn’t mention anything about him being deported on his release, and even if he did, some cunt would probably try stopping it.

How the fuck did he get a job with a council, especially one working with vulnerable people? I’ve worked for a local authority, in not quite an intrusive job like this and I needed a CRB check, which should be the minimum.

And, no one knows his name, or what he looks like, so he can drop back into society with no problem whatsoever. Where is the justice in any of this?

Nominated by: Gutstick Japseye (I totally knew that and didn’t forget)

The Tour de France sign bitch.

This idiot desperate to appear on TV caused a mass crash that could have killed someone just to get attention.

If that isn’t an indication as to how far we’ve fell as a society I don’t know what is. Plus police are having to look for them! Fuck me why didn’t she just stay there and admit she fucked up?

https://amp.theguardian.com/sport/2021/jun/27/tour-de-france-latest-crash-caused-by-a-fan-is-another-on-a-long-list

Nominated by: LazyBiscuits

Seconded by: The Big Chunky Cunty

Additional minor cunting for the three-star general, Gilbert Versier, who was there and said it was “like a war zone” with the same ‘chaos’ and ‘moans’.

Bitch please. A few weedy cyclists all clattering into each other, getting 5mph road rash and mangling their super expensive bicycles is not a war zone. It’s a bloody hilarious outcome and I bet even God laughed at it.