I no longer bother staying up for Big Ben (is that a sexist term now?) to strike midnight and to welcome in another New Year. It’s only another bloody day anyway, plus I can’t stand all those smug arseholes on TV and their false bonhomie – especially when they wheel out that greasy little cunt, Jools fuckin Holland.

Quite often you’ll see TV cameras pointing at crowds in central London and along the Thames waiting for the 12 minute firework display (so much for the environment and the huge cost, eh, SuckDick, you two faced cock sucker!) Then you have all the “Happy New Year and Peace on Earth” phoney shite, while in the same breath cunts are shouting “Kill the Jews”, “Black Lives Matter”, “We love immigrants”, “Freeze to death and Save the Planet!”

There’s loads of singing and dancing, but then come 1am and its all forgotten about as stark reality returns and we’re back with the same old shite.

I suppose the only good thing about welcoming in a new year is that you’re a little bit closer to Death.And the way this country is going down the pan the new years can’t come round soon enough!

Have a wank New Year and I hope millipedes crawl up your arseholes and infest your lower intestines!

Bah humbug.

Nominated by: Technocunt

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s legal affairs and Scottish political correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Today I’m looking at the progress made regarding ‘Operation Branchform’, Police Scotland’s investigation into alleged *cough* ‘irregularities’ in The SNP’s finances. In the latest of a series of sensational developments, the police are now investigating the purchase, and subsequent sale, of a top-of-the-range Jaguar. I’m now joined by SNP spokesman Jock McSporran”

“Och aye laddie. Well let me say the noo thet as far as thess investahgayshun is concerned, ah kennit porsibly corment on ra detail. Suffice et tae say that ra party’s rec-urrd fae awnesty an’ integrity in government is impeccable. The poliss have nuthin’ on us, ken. As fer Nicola an’ Peter en parteklur, well, the pair are as innocent as a pair o’ 16-year-old virgins fae Drumchapel. Nae further corment aye”

“Mmm. I’m also joined by Special Constable Angus McCoatupp, lead investigator for ‘Operation Branchform’. What can you tell us by way of an update Constable?”

“Aye. Natchrally ah cannae corment in detail awn an orngoin’ investahgayshun. Suffice et tae say thet investahgayshuns are orngoin’ et ra moment”

“But these investigations have already been on-going now for over two years, no doubt at enormous expense to the public. When can we expect to see results?”

“Aye. well natchrally investahgayshuns tek up a great deal o’ time an’ resources, ken. Let me jest say thet ah expect us tae ah reached conclusions bah summer 2028, at which time *winks and touches nose* it will be fount thet there’s nae evidence o’ any wrong-doing bah naebody, nae arrests or charges will be made, an’ it’ll be shown thet naebody kent absolutely nuthin’ aboot nuthin’. Aye”

“Well I must say that things appear to be progressing rapidly towards a most satisfactory conclusion for all parties, not least the taxpayers and voters of Scotland. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

Daily Record

Nominated by Ron Knee.

A bam, zoom straight to the moon cunting for northern monk brewery.

A producer of alcohol getting cunted, how dare I. Well dare I must, another company backing down over a frivolous complaint.

Said brewery make two beers called rocket lolly and wasted.

The lolly one was spotted by a four year old whose father was drinking it, and threw a wobbler because he couldn’t try it.

I personally would of made the little brat neck it.
Mother complained to watchdogs. Some people really do have nothing better to do.

The second beer was pulled on the name wasted.. now gets this, its apparently a word for getting drunk. Well you learn something new everyday..

So another spineless company who kowtow to the first crybaby who takes offence..

Fuck it I’m off to get legless, apologies to Oscar Pistorius.

Daily Mail

Nominated by: Barry zuckercunt

Poor Cassie, ordered a turkey from Morrisons, but when her delivery arrived the turkey, intended to feed six, had been substituted for a bag of frozen Turkey Dinosaurs. Oh, dear.

Declaring Christmas ruined, Cassie complained that it was ” too late to rush around for a turkey, as it was Christmas Eve”

Well, first of all, the “evidence” just shows a substitute and not what was actually ordered, so I don’t believe this story, and secondly, get to the shop yourself, you idle cunt, if you’re going to wait until the last minute and it’s that important.

Daily Mail

If you care to read the article, folks, you’ll also see other assorted rancid turkey stories, a rinse and repeat of last year, and some poor sod ( I could hardly see to type through the tears) whose pre-ordered turkey was cancelled, as out of stock, and whose gammon joint (hahaha ha, I can’t breathe) was substituted for 8 slices of cooked ham!
Wonderful!

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

In October2019, Gail took a hammer and chisel to the armour plated window of the Department of Transport offices in London, causing damages to the tune of £27+k.

In a police interview, one of the things she said was that she “had permission from Nature”
I wonder if it was a cuckoo that gave her permission?

Anyway, as of 18th November, she has finally, 4 years later, been found guilty, given a 15 month suspended sentence and ordered to do 150 unpaid work.

She is reported as saying
“I wonder how history will judge the sentencing”

Well, this person wants to know why you didn’t get a custodial sentence, Gail.

However, given that the ER activists that caused similar damage to the windows of HSBC in April 2021 were found “not guilty” I should be happy she’s now got a criminal record.

Just for interest, the ER mission statement :
” to create a culture.. that is healthy, resilient and adaptable”
In other words one that fits their agenda, not ours.

BBC News

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest