I’ve never heard a doctor shout

” Bring me a amethyst geode stat!!!”

And I know for a fact that Christies cancer Hospital isn’t using using quartz instead of radiotherapy.

But people (yanks) believe in the health benefits of gemstones and crystals.

The annual market being worth £4 trillion.

Buzz words to beware of are
“Well being” “synergy”
And “New age”.

Often people who believe this are white people with dreadlocks.
Sandal wearers,
And people who wear baggy cotton batic pants from India.

I don’t believe geological byproducts can heal serious health issues in the human body.
I’m a crank like that.

Although quartz is a good indicator of the presence of gold.

So if you find a vein of quartz and it’s crusted with gold ?!!
Pay for good medical care and stop fucking about.

American Spa Link.

Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt

This boys club have finally relented to allow women in.. there goes the neighbourhood..

Personally I know nothing about the place, so thanks Google..
The place hardly sounds like a laugh riot but each to their own..

So if women want to join, fair enough..
But do they, or is it another case of we don’t like the sound of that,so let’s spoil it for everyone.

Women are free to start their own club, like say the WI..which allows men to become members,
Oops my mistake..

I have heard there is a 10 year waiting time for membership, or will the women jump the queue?

If women want to sit around with the likes of Stephen fry, sting and bendy cumberbatch.
Good luck to them, because it sounds like my version of hell.

BBC News Link.

Nominated by : Barry zuckercunt

Essentially paying more and getting less.

I’d like to be able to post is an abstract manner like Sir Limply who puts me in mind of Professor Stanley Unwin, but that is not something that comes naturally to me. So I will just post as normal.

Products on shelves are getting smaller. We’ve no doubt all read or heard the stories about Toblerones having fewer erm..ridges? segments? pointy bits?

In addition we have the cunning ploy of the approximate weight (e symbol) against the weight of a tin of Roses.

Bags of crisps are now 2/3 air. Retailers will defend this by telling us their costs have gone up so they need to reduce quantities so as to keep the cost to the consumer low*

What’s that unpleasant but strangely familiar smell?
Oh that’s right. It’s bullshit.

*Keep your profit margins high you mean dearies.

It happens with ingredients. Sweeteners replacing sugar. Palm oil replacing butter or milk.

It also happens with services as well. Some of the services that were stopped during Covid never really started again, but yet they charge the same price or more.

How does that work then?

In the hospitality industry, some hotels are keeping room prices stable, but only offering housekeeping services upon request, or not providing waiter services, but relying on customers to do self-checkouts for breakfast.

Oh it’s the pandemic. It’s a knock on effect of the pandemic. They say.

What did we blame things on before the pandemic, brexit, or climate change?

Link for info to back up my rant and keep the admins happy
(They do a sterling job):

NPR Link.

Nominated by : Harold

A well deserved cunting for the latest “funny celebrity doctor” is in order if you have the misfortune to hear this halfwit at 0545 hrs on Wireless 4 on Saturday mornings on “his” programme –

Just One Thing. The 21st century Magnus Pyke gives you one idea to make your health and life better. Just a week or two ago he advocated eating Flax seeds (Linium rubra to give it it’s Latin name). You grind up this seed (which is a nice bright garden plant) and put it in your porridge, in your soup, or tea or coffee, stick it up your nose or up your arse and it is “good for you” – it must be because a typical WASPI woman, a typical Wireless 4 listener who no doubt listens to the Archers every day and thinks Just A Minute and Paul Merton is terribly funny, tells you how much better she feels after a week of Flaxology.

Mosely has a prissy, somewhat poofy voice, a cross between Peter Mandelson and Hilary Benn, and like most radio “stars” fancies himself being promoted to TV – no need, he looks as he sounds – a total poofter:

BBC Link.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

Why is it that some people can’t resist sticking their noses into other people’s business, even on the most trivial of matters?

Take this morning for example. I was in our front garden, just about to start removing a large clump of nettles which was threatening to choke out one of the wife’s beloved azaleas. I’d barely begun, when along HE came; Mr Busybody, Mr fucking Know-all, to offer an opinion where none was wanted or welcome.

As he drew alongside me, he stopped, stuck his hands in his pockets, and peered portentously over the low wall which separates our garden from the pavement. After some seconds he opined ‘you know, you should really leave those nettles alone’.

What the fuck? thinks I. ‘My wife thinks they’re intrusive, and wants them dug out’ I replied somewhat tersely.

‘Yes’ says he, ‘but don’t you know that they’re an important part of the ecosystem? They provide food and habitat for butterflies, bees and other insects’.

‘My whole garden is a butterfly and bee friendly environment’ says I, straightening up, ‘but I’ll tell you what. If you’re that bothered, hang about for five minutes while I root them out, and you can take them away with you for replanting’.

‘Er, but I don’t want them’ says he, surprised and now somewhat hesitant.

‘Neither do I’ says I, ‘which is precisely why I’m digging them up and slinging them in the compost, okay?’

At which point a look of intense irritation comes over his face, and with a ‘harrumph’ he stomps off.

Why is that irksome, interfering cunts just can’t resist the urge to stick their oar
in, even when it’s concerning a matter of utter inconsequence involving a complete stranger? His whole demeanour was such that he felt that I should justify myself. For weeding my garden for fuck’s sake.

Fair nettled I was. If I wasn’t a gentleman, I’d have told the cunt to fuck right off.

Nominated by : Ron Knee