Daily Fail.

Scion of the celebrity chef and complete waste of DNA, Marco Pierre White Jnr is not only a cunt but a fucking plank to boot.

The drugged-up criminal nugget posted pictures of his tattooed arse on Instagram then broke into a deli to steal money from the till. Squeezing out of the broken window his trousers got snagged, revealing the anal artwork on CCTV, thus making his identification a doddle. So that’s another spell in chokey for Brain of Britain.

But this case got me wondering. What tattoos might others have which would reveal their identity in similar circumstances? I’ll give you some of our soon-to-be Lords & Masters for starters:

MAGIC GRANDPA
On his Iron Curtain road trip with Diane Abbott, Grandpa had Karl Marx and Diane tattooed by the State Tattooist in East Berlin (no Imperialist, Capitalist tattoo running dogs for our Jezza). Sadly the ravages of time have rendered Diane’s image into a thick, black blob. So just like the real thing really.

EMILY THORNBELLIES
Due to its immense size, Lady Nuge has had all 361 chapters of War and Peace imprinted round the back door.

GRETA TURDBERG
Grotta wishes to maintain her virginity, so her bum reads simply ‘How dare you!’

OWEN JONES
‘Marxists only’ on one buttock, ‘Never been bummed by a Tory’ on the other. Owen’s party piece is to fart ‘the Red Flag’ through his rectal prolapse.

DAWN BUTLER
Dawn is art-free around the rear. However she can still be identified by the fact that her arse is indistinguishable from her face.

ANGELA TWO HOMES
Crayons has ‘Front or back’ on one, and ‘You choose’ on the other. Classy.

DAME KEIRA
Finally our glorious PM-in-Waiting. Keira started having tattoos done but changed her mind half way through. So nobody knows what they represent.

Dark key cunt added this regarding body desecration:

People with tats are not cunts per se. I have six but I treat my body like my living room walls. I would like a picture here and there. What I don’t want is a fucking mural. The tats are Arsenal or Leicester Tigers related and also related to my Hindu heritage (an Om and an Asoka’s Wheel, the wheel on the Indian flag). They are individual pictures on my limbs, not some ridiculous bollocks all over a limb.

I love Courtney Lawes as a rugby player but what the fuck is the point of this? He’s of mixed race but he wants to be green.

OK.co.uk.

There was some bint who worked at the reception at my gym who had loads of tats and I thought nothing of it until I had to speak to her at the reception about my membership. I then saw that she had cobwebs tattooed into both ears. That’s nothing other than a mental illness.

Cunt!

What is it with people nowadays?

Why does every phenomenon need a conspiracy associated with it?

I’m not saying there are no conspiracies, as we’ve seen a number of examples of cover -ups and official misdirection in recent years, but why do simple things need a complicated conspiracy attached to them?

Years ago you just wouldn’t bother; you’d agree to disagree with someone who remembered something being different to how you remember it and move on with life. You wouldn’t swear you 100% remember something as it wasn’t, spit your dummy out and call it a conspiracy. It says something about the 21st century mindset; there’s an ugly narcissism and complete lack of humility about it.

This flat-earth-level fuckery has lead some dickheads to assert the psychological phenomenon of the Mandela Effect is caused by experiments at CERN or sometimes that old chestnut HAARP, shifting us all into a parallel dimension where we ‘misremember’ the past as it really was

What is more likely: People misremember things from Films and TV and there is confirmation bias amongst networks of friends, or that some fucking black holes or dimensional rift was involved because of superconducting magnets underneath France?

The very name of ‘Mandela Effect’ is a misnomer – it’s based on the supposed shared memory of several people having seen or read that Nelson Mandela died in jail. I’ve never thought that, maybe I was too young to register it but I remember the news of his release.

Same goes for the film Big. Some people swear blind that Elizabeth Perkins’ character joins Tom Hanks in regressing back to childhood after using the same fairground Zoltar cabinet. I only remember the film as described normally. Josh Baskin returns to being a boy and runs back to his home and his is relieved to see him again after thinking he was kidnapped. It would’ve added an unnecessary complication to have Susan regress to childhood as well and generally foul-up the narrative conventions of film storytelling; equilibrium is not restored, the woman goes missing and everyone in her life worries.

The alternative ending idea never made sense.

So why are certain pop cultural facts changed by this and not everyone is affected?

Another supposed phenomenon is people remembering airliners with engines underneath their wings. Ever since I was a child and owned Matchbox toys of 747s or Airbus they usually have the engine protruding from the leading edge of the wing via a diagonally-angled pylon. The only airliner I remember having engines under the wings was Concorde.

There seems to be a lot of very trivial misremembering about clothing logos and TV episodes and eighties films, and perhaps calling it the Mandela Effect is overselling the whole phenomenon.

It’s a real phenomenon of human memory, but the reasons behind seem to me obvious and mundane.

Forbes.

What’s far more concerning is Soviet-style memory-holing by big tech of certain occurrences and quotes by governments and corporations, which are often excused as ‘errors’ when pointed out.

Do we need more conspiracy theories when there’s enough shady shit and gaslighting being done already?

Nominated by : Cuntamus Prime

Just like the unflushable turd he is, the Tik Tok “prankster” – at the age of 19 with a string of convictions, the little black would-be Jeremy Beadle, has appeared in court yet again, charged with stealing a woman’s phone, which he snatched from her hand, before cycling off – one of those cycle-by robberies the police and the press have been exercised by so much lately. To prove that theft was the motivation, not a “prank”, since he wasn’t recording this time, the little cunt threw the phone over a hedge while being chased by the police.

Given his previous convictions, you would think the magistrate would have imposed a custodial sentence, wouldn’t you?,. Wrong: a fine and the continuation of an already handed down community service order.

I wonder if it is because he is black?:

The Standard.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

People who can’t wait to tell you the weather forecast are a cunt.

I’m a ‘take each day as it comes’ kind of fella and I choose to avoid weather forecasts if I can.

As I’m not a fisherman, roofer, builder or landscape gardener, my job isn’t weather dependent so if I wake and the sun is shining – great. If I wake and the sun isn’t shining or it’s pissing it down – not so great.

However I tend not to try and dwell on it too much and choose to live in the perhaps naive hope, that it’ll change for the better the following day.

Which brings me to the next door neighbour. A retired man in his early 70s who is only happy being eternally miserable.

If he catches me leaving for work on a sunny morning with a spring in my step, he can’t wait to ambush me with the weather forecast.

“It’s gonna break.” he’ll say.
Or “it’s not gonna last!”

During the darker months when it pisses down perpetually and I’m depressed as fuck, he’s there to collar me when I’m getting back from work or from walking the dog in the evening.

“Oh this is on for the rest of the week!” he’ll cheerfully inform me.

I’ve told him on a number of occasions thanks but I don’t really bother with weather forecasts.

Yet he still can’t help getting all John Kettley on me when I least expect it.

He’s very much far from being alone in this British phenomenon mind.

A client only yesterday, (a nice sunny day – surprisingly) couldn’t wait to tell me “it’s not going to last”

If I want a weather forecast then I’ll have a look or a listen for myself, otherwise, fuck off.

Nominated by : Herman Jelmet

again. The gathering of the cunts.

Every year the same. Middle to upper class fuckwits congregate. To watch the usual garbage.

A has been rock relic way past their prime, but paid ridiculous money to creak out their ‘classics’. Macca. Fleetwood Mac, U2, Rolling Stones. That sort of thing.

Some crappy ‘guilty pleasure/novelty’ act. Past glories include Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter. And watching Lionel Richie or Diana Ross melt in 25 degree heat is not a nice thing.

Some overrated up themself current pop cunt. William Eilish or Lana Del Cunt Someone like that. And the snotty little cunt will turn up late. Won’t be able to finish their set, as they’ll break a fungernail or spaz out becuase they have tourettes or some other ‘illness’. Lardarse Capaldi sprimgs to mind.

Some uppity treeswinger cunt who revels in pimping, crime and violence. The crowd, of course, lap this up. And shout the ‘N’ word because it’s the most rebellious thing they will ever do.

The crowd of twats will be socialists for the day, and chant for Starmer, Corbyn and Greta the Mong.

All hosted by that complete cunt, Lauren Laverne.

Link here. Telling us about Glasto’s latest novelty antique riding a horse. Barrel well and truly scraped.

bbcnews

Nominated by Norman. Addendum by Chuff Chugger.

if i may add to this cunting, the hypocritical cunts who are in the audience cheering and clapping people like Greta agreeing with her every word about global warming, recycling, plastic in water ways etc etc, yet leave all their shit behind.

they are all bandwagonners on the latest fad to look somehow cool, but dont actually believe the bollocks they seemingly agree with when in an audience.

bbcnews 2