The sane people of this world want nothing more than to live in peace and harmony and enjoy the one life they’ve got. They make up the overwhelming majority of human beings, unfortunately there’s always been a small number of power-crazed idiots who are determined to fuck things up for the rest of us. Thousands of people, or hundreds of thousands, have to die so that these sick arseholes can feel that their existence has been justified.

Alexander the Third was called ‘The Great’ because he never lost a battle, not because there’s anything great about slaughtering people. He was King of Macedon for thirteen years and spent most of that time conquering everybody from Greece to north west India. Not in the least satisfied with this, he was fully intending to continue marauding in an easterly direction but his army flatly refused to go any further, they’d had enough and wanted to go home. Reluctantly accepting he couldn’t do it on his own, he decided to head back. Not long after, he fell ill, lay in excruciating pain for twelve days and died. Served him right, the cunt.

Since then we’ve had Genghis Khan, Napoleon Bonaparte, Adolf Hitler and other lesser-known wannabe’s, all obsessed with their ‘legacy’ and lacking the sense to realize when to quit. The two main players these days are Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping who are unchallenged dictators in their own countries, where they maintain a laughable version of democracy for appearance’s sake. Who in their right mind, being a virtual king in a country the size of Russia or China, would feel the need to take over a neighbouring state by force? If there’s any consolation to be had after all the mindless bloodshed, it’s that most if not all of these twats come to an unpleasant end.

www.psychologs.com

Nominated by Allan.

My local bar overlooks the Med.
It has a large terrace where you can sit and enjoy the views.
A full moon over the sea is spectacular.
There is a large selection of food on offer, fresh and well prepared.

Or you can simply have a few drinks and perhaps an ice cream to end the day.

There is no annoying music and the televisions are only put on for football.

A peaceful, tranquil place.

But for 2 months of the year the place is transformed.

This is what will happen tonight and every night until early September.
There will be a number of extended families that will shamble in and ask for a table for 10, or 12…..sometimes more.
The waiters will have to move tables around to accommodate them.

The typical family will consist of perhaps 6 adults, 4 miserable, gormless looking teenagers and a few toddlers, crying because they have been in the sun all day and are tired.

There is absolutely no point in insisting on one table for a large group of people.
If you are at one end of the table you can’t possibly talk to the people at the other end.
The teenagers will have their heads in their mobiles and will not talk anyway.

The chefs will be under pressure to serve a large number of dishes at the same time.
The quality of the food will not be at its best.

Far better to ask for a number of tables for 4 people and not be such a pain in the arse.

Drinks will arrive and the first thing that happens is the adults will scoop out any ice cubes.
You can’t risk catching anything from the water here.

The fact that the water in most places in Spain is equal to or even cleaner than you would get in the UK is lost on these people. As is the fact that the fingers that they are using to scoop out the ice cubes were recently up their noses or wiping their arses.

The more adventurous adults will order cocktails.
A bit ironic as most cocktails will have crushed ice.

The teenagers will ignore the glasses that they are given. They will drink straight from the bottle.

Food.
Pizzas for the teenagers and spaghetti bolognese for the toddlers, most of which will end up on the floor or table.

For the adults, something adventurous but obviously with chips.

Tortilla and chips.
Calamares Romana and chips.
Arroz a banda and chips.
Bacalao and chips (“This cod ain’t got no batter on it”)

Most of the food will go uneaten.
At least one glass or bottle will be dropped on the floor and smashed.
The small kids will have 2 mouthfuls of spaghetti before running around the terrace, shouting.
The adults will ignore them.
The surly teenagers, still trying to look cool in their sunglasses even though it’s 10pm, will not look up from their mobiles.

How can anyone enjoy a family holiday like this…. Why would anyone ever come back?

If you are going to visit Spain come out of season.
The weather is more tolerable.
But please, leave your fucking kids at home.

Nominated by: The Artful Cunter

The link for this nom is actually on the Met Police site.

Met Police.

Because there isn’t enough crime to fight in London, the brave boys in blue are pulling out all the stops to find the person responsible for spray painting out three gay/alphabet pride flags painted on the pavement.

Did the Keystone Cops do anything to find the people responsible for vandalising the pavement in the first place?
Why should everyone else have to walk across reminders that people are sodomising each other, and grooming school children by saying, “It’s perfectly normal to think like that, we take pride in it”.

I’m old enough to remember when homosexual behaviour was unlawful.
The Met woke idiots would have heart attack if they had to deal with it.

Bring back the Sweeney.

Nominated by : Duke of Cuntshire

Strictly Cunts Dancing

Psssssst! I say you chaps. Have you been following the ‘Strictly’ saga in the light of all the BOMBSHELL coverage the Beeb’s knees-up show has been getting of late?

Stories of sackings and rumours about behind-the-scenes feuding, allegations of abusive behaviour and bullying; the meeja’s been buzzing with ‘revelations’ for weeks. The show’s in ‘meltdown’.

Things are apparently so bad that the Beeb is suggesting that it might even have to cancel the long-running old warhorse. Cancel? Are they having a laugh?

This is the kind of sensationalistic publicity that money can’t buy. The viewing public loves a bit of scandal to spice things up a bit. It’s a pound to a penny that the producers are secretly rubbing their hands together with glee in anticipation of record viewing figures when the new series hits the screen.

Cancel? I’ve as much chance of a long weekend with the divine Salma Hayek. What a pile of fucking old donkey.

The Sun.

Nominated by : Ron Knee