My local bar overlooks the Med.
It has a large terrace where you can sit and enjoy the views.
A full moon over the sea is spectacular.
There is a large selection of food on offer, fresh and well prepared.
Or you can simply have a few drinks and perhaps an ice cream to end the day.
There is no annoying music and the televisions are only put on for football.
A peaceful, tranquil place.
But for 2 months of the year the place is transformed.
This is what will happen tonight and every night until early September.
There will be a number of extended families that will shamble in and ask for a table for 10, or 12…..sometimes more.
The waiters will have to move tables around to accommodate them.
The typical family will consist of perhaps 6 adults, 4 miserable, gormless looking teenagers and a few toddlers, crying because they have been in the sun all day and are tired.
There is absolutely no point in insisting on one table for a large group of people.
If you are at one end of the table you can’t possibly talk to the people at the other end.
The teenagers will have their heads in their mobiles and will not talk anyway.
The chefs will be under pressure to serve a large number of dishes at the same time.
The quality of the food will not be at its best.
Far better to ask for a number of tables for 4 people and not be such a pain in the arse.
Drinks will arrive and the first thing that happens is the adults will scoop out any ice cubes.
You can’t risk catching anything from the water here.
The fact that the water in most places in Spain is equal to or even cleaner than you would get in the UK is lost on these people. As is the fact that the fingers that they are using to scoop out the ice cubes were recently up their noses or wiping their arses.
The more adventurous adults will order cocktails.
A bit ironic as most cocktails will have crushed ice.
The teenagers will ignore the glasses that they are given. They will drink straight from the bottle.
Food.
Pizzas for the teenagers and spaghetti bolognese for the toddlers, most of which will end up on the floor or table.
For the adults, something adventurous but obviously with chips.
Tortilla and chips.
Calamares Romana and chips.
Arroz a banda and chips.
Bacalao and chips (“This cod ain’t got no batter on it”)
Most of the food will go uneaten.
At least one glass or bottle will be dropped on the floor and smashed.
The small kids will have 2 mouthfuls of spaghetti before running around the terrace, shouting.
The adults will ignore them.
The surly teenagers, still trying to look cool in their sunglasses even though it’s 10pm, will not look up from their mobiles.
How can anyone enjoy a family holiday like this…. Why would anyone ever come back?
If you are going to visit Spain come out of season.
The weather is more tolerable.
But please, leave your fucking kids at home.
Nominated by: The Artful Cunter
