Is a cunt, probably though I haven’t a clue what Sir limply is cunting C.A.
The Dormeo Octasmart Memory Fresh Mattress Topper These foam replacement mattresses have been punted around for a decade or two mainly on the telly and the proposition usually includes a fifty day money back guarantee and a running permanent discount. No I take that back – a special online offer now includes a 200 day sleep trial – if you don’t like it return it ….so how does that work? Ah well it is very well hidden in the blurb but the punter has to pay return carriage of £45 and the mattress must be as new and in its original packaging. If the mattress is accepted then the carriage is deducted from the lucre you have paid before you get your money back.
Now on to online reviews. As has happened to an old character of my acquaintance it appears that Dormeo or their agents do not sterilise the returned bedding before reselling it hence the tight coiled black pubic hairs embedded in his cover. Nice.
A typical review from TrustPilot
May 10, 2026. Note the recycling.
“I just this product but it on a bed i definitely not the bestt…
I just this product but it on a bed it was fine after a few weeks of using it noticed mattress and pillow started to come apart had a look inside both and was disgusted to see that was made up bits of old material the mattress springs if you can call them that were degraded and not looking that good the pillow was just full of bits and material left over definitely would never use or buy again”
Nominated by Sir Limply stroke link Unkle Terry.
If someone is so fucking stupid that they believe the advertising blurb and only look at the reviews, which are almost all one star, after they have brought the shit, then they deserve everything that they get.
Good morning.
11
Having said that, I do have some magic beans for sale.
I may consider swapping them for a cow.
9
I’d quite like some magic beans, TAC, and have an old cow to swap.
Then I never have to pay her child maintenance again.
15
Never understood the mattress topper.. your mattress is shot, but hear me out, don’t buy a new one, buy this one eighth of thickness topper to place on top of your fucked mattress..
Problem solved?
Its like replacing a posh,southern lying quare, with a thick, lying northern twat.. Problem solved?
15
I’ve never understood the ballyhoo around bedding generally. Bed, mattress, bedsheet, done. Everything else is your own choice of literal toppings.
When I was a twentyling I had an admin job in Social Services and we had a contract with Shaws for linen and whatnot for foster carers. The amount of crap I had to trundle over with Reccie Forms was insane. Flat sheet this, mattress protector that, ad infinitum. But the staff – all women – were always those tabard wearing, costume jewellery Castle Bingo, fag out the back types. They never even updated their sign brand to a newer typeface from the 60s. It’s no wonder they went under way before Amazon destroyed all the other remaining Town Centre brands.
3
Why the fuck are mattresses so expensive? I use them until I’m imprinted in it like the Turin bastard shroud. It’s not like they’re filled with swan feathers or anything, it’s just artificial shite that ends up suffocating whales in the Pacific. One of life’s most massive cunt cons.
6
You can always save money by buying a second hand one…….
https://www.whoppah.com/es/productos/somier-hastens-vividus-210×210-VJ6QQIE4ZEEN?utm_source=kelkoo&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=es&utm_source_platform=KelkooGroup&utm_campaign=es&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=kelkoo&utm_source_platform=KelkooGroup&kgclid=Cj0KCQjwlsfWBhD4ARIsACL7p1E2l2hQx9ciksrOEFJ0b8wb0MBNUM8txoxNp9CO2LAb5aZPuZ8ICVkaAhz3EALw_wcB
4
Not sure I want one delivered from Spain. Is that some site selling trafficked kids under code like Wayfair?
4
I saw the ad once. It was so long it had an ad break on the middle. I fell asleep in the second half but that may have been the cocoa.
Good morning everyone.
7
I hate fuckin Mattresses.
especially super king-size posh ones.
weigh a ton, and mattress designers put handles on the side where theyre no fuckin use.
£45 carriage isn’t bad, and to be asked not to return it splattered in spunk and not drenched in piss seems reasonable enough ?
just kip on the sofa.
8
The best mattresses you could ever buy, are hand made by the world renowned designer Warren Evans of London. I’m sleepy on one at the moment.
5
Get pocket sprung now !!!
4
The name Dormeo is the con itself. Many people will confuse this with the similarly named Dorma, who produce high quality bedding with a Royal Warrant attached.
I’m surprised Dorma haven’t taken these pound shop imitators to the cleaners for unabashed impersonation.
Cock-sucking weasels.
Good morning all.
5
yeah I thought Dormeo made pasta sauce.
imagine my concern when I opened the packet to find a double mattress.
4
Sadly the first Mrs Cumberland was a secondhand mattress and I had to pay an awful lot more than £45 to return her…
4
footballers have expensive mattresses,
few grand.
And for some reason massive headboards,?
not sure why.
a headboard doesn’t add anything to a bed really.
daft cunts
4
Morning, MNC. Take my advice, you need a massive headboard to stop the big hairy spiders climbing up from the skirting boards while you are asleep. I had a mate who woke up one night to find a spider had got into his mouth. It was pressing on the inside of his cheeks with its legs in a desperate bid to escape.
3
I bought one.
After a night’s sleep I was like Emily 5-Bellies getting off the sofa.
Drenched in sweat.
5
Justa one a dormeo,drencha in sweat,deelicious cum stains from a meee 🎶 …. never buy a mattress online, always give it a good testing in store with the bimbo assistant 😘… sweet dreams 🌜
3
That bed in the header pic?
little weedy wooden legs,
id break that within a week.
piece of shite.
My bed was made for me,
by a carpenter from big timbers it’ll last a hundred years,
bombproof.
just wanted to brag.
As you were..
6
I wonder what Lord Nugee uses when he is fucking the arse off of old Emily Thornberry, or David Lammy when he is penetrating Yvette Cooper.
2
How can you try a mattress without taking it out of its packaging?
Obviously amateurs,still it’s always risky setting up a new business.
Mrs Terry tells me their pasta sauces are rubbish as well.
The hopeless cunts.
Good morning.
2
In the passed memory foam headboards caused lots of problems for darkles loosing their jobs, for being unable to to get out of bed in the mornings.
3
Sorry, got mistaken for Velcro.
3
Any Indian wishing for a comfortable night, I could knock you up a nail bed in a matter of minutes.
3
But the real question that isn’t asked, ‘does it move about when you are having a good shag’ obviously you need a firm base when ramming the wife (or someone else’s wife)
4
Dormeo anagram of moredo more dough yes please, we have one and it’s garbage, it don’t half make my snake hips hurt. But on the plus side, if the advert girl Georgina Burnett was to come with it, nudge nudge wink wink or is that wank wank. Say no more.
3
These buggers are foreever advertisingon Talking Pictures, and, I believe, sponsor it. They are long dreary adverts but at least they make a change from the constant funeral plan and cremation adverts that channel always carries – they seem to come round more often than a repeat of A Family At War, Public Eye, and Dial 999. Not to mention Mike Read still gtrying to pretend it is still 1966 on Radio London.
3
I got one of these. They arrive inside a glass jar and you pour them out, but instead of being a topper, it turns your bed into a pizza. No wonder people are complaining.
1
Haven’t watched … shite for years since finding darker stuff and you lot on here, besides expressing my own opinions.
0