is a cunt
Penny pinching supermarket cunts offering unripe fruit is a total scam. Sure, it looks okay on display in the green basket thingies, But it is rock hard, and stubbornly stays that way in the kitchen Three or four days later you go to enjoy your delicious peaches, nectarines, apricots or plums, only to find they have gone rotten.
I once managed to catch some nectarines just before they went rotten, but they were tasteless and almost juice free. Fucking revolting. Apparently there is some sort of chemical reaction related to the packaging and processing that causes this.
‘Ripen at Home’ shit is, of course, just another sign of the cuntry going to the dogs. Nobody can be arsed to do anything properly. My Nan would have laughed if the green grocer had offered her unripe peaches. Of course nowadays, most of the population live on a fruit and veg free diet of chiggun, kebabs, and smack.
PS I have left avocados out of this cunting because, for some reason they ripen okay.
Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.
Anyone that eats an avocado, or buys one ripe or not is a rampant póófter.
Good morning.
9
Ethylene, moisture & poor temperature control are the three worst enemies of fruit.
1
As well as older fruits, such as Berrymore and Mangolson.
1
Mrs Cunter isn’t much of a gardener, but she does dissappear up into our bedroom to watch Monty Don on the small telly on a Friday evening.
She says that she doesn’t want to be disturbed while learning about how to tend to her clematis.
She will tell you that for fruit to ripen it must have plenty of sunlight and fresh air.
So if you buy any ‘ripen at home’ produce it would probably be a good idea to carefully tie them to a tree in your garden and wait for a few days.
2
As, long as she doesn’t take a cucumber with her Arty, I’m sure it’s fine.
🥒
3
Or a large brown banana.
1
I had some peaches that never ripened.
just shrivelled into wizened little shrunken heads then rotten.
what’s the point of that?
I wanna eat em not watch em rapidly age and get ill.
in future I’ll stick to Opal Fruits
2
My fruit bowl was like a 80s AiDS ward.
all withering away and dying.
Princess Diana would of liked to visit.
before her short-lived career as a stuntman.
2
HAVE
1
fuck.have 🖕
1
Then its back to school my lad.
1
I bought a coconut from the fruit’n’veg aisle at Tescos once.
Put it in the fruit bowl and left it there for at least 6 months.
It never did ripen.
What a waste of money.
1
A couple of large hairy brown coconuts & a long juicy marrow somehow always reminds me of Mr Beau.
And my watermelons often won prizes down at the annual plantation show.
🍉🍉
3
Funnily enough Geordie I was chatting to one of my Filipino staff the other day who was telling me the coconuts they sell in this country are absolute shit – he also specifically remarked that the Asian supermarkets sell rotten produce that he laughs at people being hoodwinked by, commenting that the Indians / Pak1s who run these stores are all dishonest rob dogs (so he’s assimilating into British culture admirably well).
According to him, a coconut should slice open with ease, the water should be sweet, the flesh soft and moorish. It shouldn’t require an angle grinder to get into the cunt; if that’s what you’re dealing with you’ll discover a bitter and nasty experience inside – much like visiting Angela Rayner’s Hove flat.
1
Staff as in domestic staff? We are truly a broad church here on ISAC.
1
It’s a nice idea, but perhaps I should have used the term “employee”. The only domestic staff we have could probably have me banged up for child slave labour.
0
Fruit bowls have a diverse range of applications according to your demographic.
For those living in the South East and with a household income above the regional median, you tend to find fruit in the fruit bowl.
For those living in the Govan area of Glasgow, fruit bowls perform an alternative – but equally important – function of being the storage facility for unpaid gas and electricity bills, court summons and final demands.
*with thanks to Rab C Nesbitt
1
I understand that fruit bowls also make a handy receptacle for car keys at a swingers party.
Not that I would know anything about that.
1
reminds me of Victoria Wood’s (RIP) old joke – “I never knew who got my old Fiesta, but I ran that Honda for years”.
1
Or Mike Reid’s gag:
I went to one of them wife swapping parties the other day. I did well, I got a set of socket spanners for her.
0
I wonder what Wes Streeting keeps in his fruit bowl?
0
Is this fruit that doesn’t ripen at home, food the supermarket send you, because you are too lazy to go and get it yourself ?
0
My nephew used to work at Tesco. Staff always called it “rotten at home”.
2
waddymelon
nanas
and coconuts.
the staples of a Brixton diet.
you used to have to go a fairground for a coconut.
1
The best fruit to ripen at home is durian.
Keep it somewhere warm and unventilated for a week or so and it will be absolutely delicious.
Thank me later.
1
Artie@
I used to watch them unloading durian fruit in Chinatown, Manchester.
once smelt never forgotten 😁
0
Bananas aren’t too bad at all.
Problem is, the bunch all ripen at the same time, so you’re no better off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_fp86lgXyg
1
Always been fond of tinned peaches, this probably stems from my grandmother giving them to me when I was a lad, covered in carnation milk..🍊
1