is a cunt
Penny pinching supermarket cunts offering unripe fruit is a total scam. Sure, it looks okay on display in the green basket thingies, But it is rock hard, and stubbornly stays that way in the kitchen Three or four days later you go to enjoy your delicious peaches, nectarines, apricots or plums, only to find they have gone rotten.
I once managed to catch some nectarines just before they went rotten, but they were tasteless and almost juice free. Fucking revolting. Apparently there is some sort of chemical reaction related to the packaging and processing that causes this.
‘Ripen at Home’ shit is, of course, just another sign of the cuntry going to the dogs. Nobody can be arsed to do anything properly. My Nan would have laughed if the green grocer had offered her unripe peaches. Of course nowadays, most of the population live on a fruit and veg free diet of chiggun, kebabs, and smack.
PS I have left avocados out of this cunting because, for some reason they ripen okay.
Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.
Anyone that eats an avocado, or buys one ripe or not is a rampant póófter.
Good morning.
25
I bought two the other day, how dare you, I’ll scratch your eyes out.
15
If you do that he’ll come round to your house, boot the door in and re-arrange all your furniture. I’d leave well alone, mate.
7
How very dare you!
I haven’t been rampant since my 30s.
4
Ethylene, moisture & poor temperature control are the three worst enemies of fruit.
5
As well as older fruits, such as Berrymore and Mangolson.
8
Mrs Cunter isn’t much of a gardener, but she does dissappear up into our bedroom to watch Monty Don on the small telly on a Friday evening.
She says that she doesn’t want to be disturbed while learning about how to tend to her clematis.
She will tell you that for fruit to ripen it must have plenty of sunlight and fresh air.
So if you buy any ‘ripen at home’ produce it would probably be a good idea to carefully tie them to a tree in your garden and wait for a few days.
10
As, long as she doesn’t take a cucumber with her Arty, I’m sure it’s fine.
🥒
9
Or a large brown banana.
7
Or a butternut squash
5
I had some peaches that never ripened.
just shrivelled into wizened little shrunken heads then rotten.
what’s the point of that?
I wanna eat em not watch em rapidly age and get ill.
in future I’ll stick to Opal Fruits
11
My fruit bowl was like a 80s AiDS ward.
all withering away and dying.
Princess Diana would of liked to visit.
before her short-lived career as a stuntman.
11
HAVE
5
fuck.have 🖕
5
Then its back to school my lad.
5
I bought a coconut from the fruit’n’veg aisle at Tescos once.
Put it in the fruit bowl and left it there for at least 6 months.
It never did ripen.
What a waste of money.
7
A couple of large hairy brown coconuts & a long juicy marrow somehow always reminds me of Mr Beau.
And my watermelons often won prizes down at the annual plantation show.
🍉🍉
7
Funnily enough Geordie I was chatting to one of my Filipino staff the other day who was telling me the coconuts they sell in this country are absolute shit – he also specifically remarked that the Asian supermarkets sell rotten produce that he laughs at people being hoodwinked by, commenting that the Indians / Pak1s who run these stores are all dishonest rob dogs (so he’s assimilating into British culture admirably well).
According to him, a coconut should slice open with ease, the water should be sweet, the flesh soft and moorish. It shouldn’t require an angle grinder to get into the cunt; if that’s what you’re dealing with you’ll discover a bitter and nasty experience inside – much like visiting Angela Rayner’s Hove flat.
7
Staff as in domestic staff? We are truly a broad church here on ISAC.
5
It’s a nice idea, but perhaps I should have used the term “employee”. The only domestic staff we have could probably have me banged up for child slave labour.
4
Fruit bowls have a diverse range of applications according to your demographic.
For those living in the South East and with a household income above the regional median, you tend to find fruit in the fruit bowl.
For those living in the Govan area of Glasgow, fruit bowls perform an alternative – but equally important – function of being the storage facility for unpaid gas and electricity bills, court summons and final demands.
*with thanks to Rab C Nesbitt
7
I understand that fruit bowls also make a handy receptacle for car keys at a swingers party.
Not that I would know anything about that.
7
reminds me of Victoria Wood’s (RIP) old joke – “I never knew who got my old Fiesta, but I ran that Honda for years”.
5
Or Mike Reid’s gag:
I went to one of them wife swapping parties the other day. I did well, I got a set of socket spanners for her.
7
I wonder what Wes Streeting keeps in his fruit bowl?
5
Monkeypox medicine.
5
Them next door are swingers. Pampas grass in a circular bed on the front lawn. Nudge nudge wink wink.
Anyway, this ginger bird called Angelica or something turns up every Saturday with a different bloke. Apparently the other women really hate her because she always takes 3 sets of keys for herself, meaning 2 of the other ladies have to go without.
5
Is this fruit that doesn’t ripen at home, food the supermarket send you, because you are too lazy to go and get it yourself ?
3
My nephew used to work at Tesco. Staff always called it “rotten at home”.
7
waddymelon
nanas
and coconuts.
the staples of a Brixton diet.
you used to have to go a fairground for a coconut.
4
The best fruit to ripen at home is durian.
Keep it somewhere warm and unventilated for a week or so and it will be absolutely delicious.
Thank me later.
7
Artie@
I used to watch them unloading durian fruit in Chinatown, Manchester.
once smelt never forgotten 😁
6
Being poor, my family would go to Smithfield Market at closing time and pick the fruit up from the floor, even if it had been trodden on.
3
Spitalfields I think – Smithfield is/was meat.
4
Wherever it was, we used to enjoy the free discarded fruit under our feet. I’m talking about the fifties here.
3
Bananas aren’t too bad at all.
Problem is, the bunch all ripen at the same time, so you’re no better off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_fp86lgXyg
4
Always been fond of tinned peaches, this probably stems from my grandmother giving them to me when I was a lad, covered in carnation milk..🍊
8
Tinned fruit lasts for years, good item to stock up just in case Vladimir attacks THIRD WORLD GB..
5
I hope he does – he’d sort the pakis out.
5
Love the smell of a burning peaceful in the morning..🔥
5
Cherries for me Doc.
We only get them for a few weeks in early summer when they are ripe.
The rest of the crop probably gets frozen and sent to the UK where you can buy them all year round.
Strawberries are shite.
They grow too fucking big, sometimes the size of apples, and they have no taste.
Melon?
Pointless, you may as well drink a glass of water.
Apples can be nice, but anyone that buys French Granny Smith’s deserves everything that they get.
6
Remember those cans of “fruit salad”? The picture on the can showed a load of cherries but there were fuck all in the can.
8
It’s all shipped in from foreign parts and kept very cold so it looks nice in a green plastic box in Tesco etc.
I never touch the stuff,complete waste of time.
Grapes come in bottle,at around 14%.
Very handy..
If suspiciously Vegan.
The evil skeletal cunts.
Good morning.
6
The other day I noticed that they only fruit that was available in Tesco that was not the dreaded ‘ripen at home’ was fucking water melon, and fucking bananas! How fucking racist is that? Ate they suggesting that darquies are incapable of ‘ripening at home’ or that they simply do not have homes – being mostly illegal?
Another disgusting sign of broken Britain is that it is almost impossible to purchase quinces locally. I have to send away to Fortnum’s.
Good morning, everyone.
8
Have you ever noticed the big box of apples and oranges Tesco’s have by their entrance ” free for the kids”? Never fails to piss me off.
It’s a small thing I suppose but another gesture catering to those who can’t get their priorities right, like sodding Breakfast Clubs at schools or so called Period Poverty.
The worst buggers for not ripening are pears – hard as hell for about a week, then turn to sludge if you turn your back on them for a minute. By contrast, we used to have a pear tree in the garden and those pears were very good, I think the main problem is supermarkets don’t know how to store fruit.
2
Stick to tinned….😩 you can use the container after for target practice with your air rifle 👍 for pog shotting immos from the landing window 😁…last time I bought some pears from a supermarket there was less juice in them than an old whores tunnel…. happy to help
6
To be fair, the supermarkets are combatting food waste quite effectively by ensuring that it’s the consumer that throws it in the bin, not them.
It’s not a particularly difficult strategy.
Simply add a descriptive prefix to certain poor quality fruit and veg items and the mug punters will usually fall for it.
‘Firm and Crunchy’ or ‘Salad Tomatoes’ are amongst my recent discoveries of produce that most Mediterranean consumers would turn down flat.
Yet we are happy to buy them, whilst turning our noses up at knobbly carrots or parsnips that aren’t the perfect shape.
The public want what the public gets.
And usually we get what our ignorance deserves.
5
When I go to Tesco I always take 2 or 3 of the kids apples for free, fuck them.
5
Well done Sir! I shall follow your example.
2
Anyone ever tried Medlar?
or :”dogs arse fruit ” as its also known.
Olde English staple that fell out of fashion.
some grow wild near me,
never seen anyone gather them.
taste like caramel.
problem is only ripe for week and half then inedible.
5
There’s a couple of Medlar trees in a park near me.
The council reintroduced them years back, and until very recently, i didn’t know what they were.
Apparently, they were much loved by medieval people.
But I’ve never seen a park key eating one.
5
Never heard of it before, just googled it, looks like something that might attack Sigourney Weaver 🤮
3
I don’t have trouble with fruit, due to going to it for a fondle. The trouble starts when laziness gets the better of you and it arrives at your home by devious money grabbers you’ve allowed to use your home for a dustbin.
5
Mrs Twenty and I once visited the beautiful city of Seville and enjoyed watching stupid American cunts trying to eat the local oranges.
5
The ones growing on the trees that line the street never get watered but somehow the trees are heaving with them.
A council cunt will come along occasionally and pick up the mounds that have dropped on the pavement and roads.
You are correct, they are only good for marmalade.
It must be the easiest job being a fruit farmer in a hot country.
You do fuck all except illegally employ Moroccans a few times a year to pick the stuff.
4
Less people eat fruit these days. I and a tasty bit of stuff at the top of my street, are the only ones who leave the waste and peelings in special containers for the bin-men.
4
Are binmen that poorly paid?
6
I think they’re off work due to the lack of vitamins that fruit provides.
3
I can’t eat / stand cherries, as a small lad I was made to eat ( school dinners) a cherry pudding by the teacher.( How can you have a pudding when you don’t eat your meat laddie..!)
I was about six at the time, ” I don’t like cherries ! Eat Them, was the threatening order. I did and then promptly threw the whole fucking dinner up over the cunts shoes…a smack around the ear followed that.
The fucking twat never made me eat anything else I didn’t like again and I suspect arranged for my failure of the 11 plus.
Yes, I am mentally scarred…🤪
8
I’m the same with apricots.
I made the mistake of eating a Jaffa cake once and immediately chucked up.
Who knew that they don’t use oranges?
The sneaky cunts.
3
That’s the foreign (usually Polish) made Jaffa cakes.
I would be OK with the British ones as they are made with oranges.
3
Baskets of fruit sent as gifts to the poorly can also be a cunt. My Nan would complain that she would have preferred chocolates.
5
I got 5 punnets of ripen at home plums from Co-op with orange stickers on em, 19p each. They were still rock hard so stuck em in a drawer to ripen then make a gallon of wine with em.
Fast forward a month, still rock hard.
Another month of forgetting about them. Mouldy as fuck, probably still hard and straight in the bin.
3
It’s supposedly because they freeze everything for transport then do a ‘rapid thaw’ on them leaving them denser than Diane Abbott’s brain, so they are pretty much ripe, just inedible. Con artists.
2
The grower has harvested the fruit too early in order to meet the contract they have with the wholesaler.
I can’t think of a fruit that will ripen after its been picked. Some people suggest washing and drying the fruit then put it in a brown paper bag with a ripe banana.
Personally, I’d poach the unripe fruit in cider or sweet wine.
Ripen at home is a massive con by supermarkets, so they don’t end up with a load of rock hard fruit that’ll never ripen in your lifetime. Rock hard to rotten, no in-between.
4