All, Flying Ant Day will soon be upon us, so here’s what you need to know.
There’s no specific day as such. This takes place between late June and August and is when queen ants take to the air pursued by hundreds of horny males. So, much like the Summer mating rituals of humans, except we don’t fly after the females.
The media will no doubt offer advice on how to keep these irritating bastards out of your house.
The Express will probably suggest sealing all doors and windows with expanding foam, and sitting with your feet in a bowl of iced water as you attempt not to suffocate/die of heatstroke, because they always offer such sensible advice, the absolute morons.
Some people will suggest burning sage, of dried tea leaves, or something equally useless.
My advice, purchase a full beekeepers outfit and wear it constantly. Temu sells them. Or you could buy a can of Raid and zap them into oblivion.
You’re welcome, no need to thank me.
Nominated by : Jeezum Priest
They’re just ants JP,
not the Luftwaffe.
we have em in our composer.
harmless!
only fly for a day then fo back to doing ant stuff..
lifting weights, spoiling picnics and stuff.
Are you worried they’ll carry you off?
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ps
burning sage?
who suggested that?!
sitting bull?
burning sage is for calming the angry spirits of red injuns on sacred grounds.
Sheffield doesn’t have a large apache community.
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Burning sage is very popular amongst the aging hippy community, Mis.
Clarissa and Farquhar are great supporters of the practice. It’s known as smudging, and is the upper-class idiot version of Feng Shui.
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I’m sure Feng Shui is no 14 on the menu at the Golden Dragon.
Or fried cat and prawn crackers in English.
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https://youtu.be/Rm9drIwmmU4?is=wjdmIYHso_Mc1qQh
so unplug the jukebox and do us all a favour..
🐜
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Flying ant day, now that’s something worth celebrating.
Maybe we should push for a whole month..
Ants have achieved more in history than the pavement apes.
Though I imagine blacks have ruined more picnics than ants have. And ants have never carried off someone’s television before.
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@bz…and unlike the pavements they’re always working 👍
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Err..The ants didn’t build Stonehenge,did they !.
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I haven’t seen flying ants since the 80’s! Even before I lost my mobility and was walking dogs in the park or woods never saw any. Perhaps even the ants know what a shit hole area this is now. Not enough white people to nip🤭
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Those flying fuckers usually hatch out in my polytunnel in June each year, for which I keep a tub of DDT handy.
None at all this year though, obviously due to climate collapse.
So Mental Ed has banned electric towel rails to save the Ant.
Well done Ed.
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One day and a few flying ants?
You lucky cunts!
What tourists don’t get at all on the beaches, and very few in built up resorts is fucking cicadas.
These are the noisy, huge flying insects that hang out for the entire summer in forests, parks and any garden where there are a few trees.
If you get just one outside of your house then you can’t easily have a conversation and you will need to turn up the telly to be able to hear it.
If you make a loud noise or spray where you think one is with water, they may shut the fuck up for a minute or so, but they soon start off again.
If you are unlucky enough to have one get into your house where it can’t escape then you will go through hell for weeks.
They will make their mating call constantly but when they sense movement, like when you go looking for the cunts, then they shut up and you can’t find them.
Half a dozen of them in a pine forest would be deafening, but there is never half a dozen, they hang out together in their thousands.
You can be driving at speed on a motorway with your windows up and music on, but when you pass a patch where they are you can still hear them.
And we have to put up with the horrible cunts for at least 3 months…. Every fucking year.
Good morning.
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Ladies and Gentlemen
The answer to all of our winged problems.
Bug-A-Salt UK https://share.google/bNoGAm9XWHfr0Lrma
Actually really good fun
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Shame there’d not one to blast particles of sausagemeat into muzzıes, see if they turn into ashes, like vampires exposed to sunlight or English wimmin exposed to personal accountability.
Call it the ‘Koran Kannon’.
Morning Odin/all.
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If you have a sweet tooth, you will be overrun by ants. They’ve been known to carry away big fat cunts who eat the wrong foods, which wasn’t mentioned in the previous article on obese bastards.
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I like ants and like to encourage them to have a party on my tassel, after smearing it with honey:
https://share.google/DKsbhL7FP7opEsZkW
They did bite it quite a few times which was rather stimulating.
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Anyone would think its like Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’, although they are welcome to swarm and devour Chris Packham.
I was reading about the heatwave of 76′ and the massive swarms of ladybirds that bit people. I wasn’t born but does anyone else remember this? Maybe JP was cornered on his way home by a swarm fresh out of burning sage and this triggered his fly ant anxiety?
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I remember it LL.
I was a kid, we were in Southport and there was ladybirds everywhere.
apparently they came over from France like most opportunists,
and we’re starving.
I complained I’d been bitten and my dad gave me a clout for telling lies.
“stop telling lies they don’t bite”.😡
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LL, yes I remember the panicked headlines about vast ladybird swarms.
According to the media at the time they were supposed to terrorise the public and decimate farmers crops.
Guess what? It didn’t happen.
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As teenagers, if we ever got a warm day we would go to the lido and get a tan, and hopefully get a fit girl too.
Sun oil and creams were unheard of by us and probably only used by póófs.
But in the summer of ’76 I was advised that if you wanted to get a good tan then olive oil was the thing to use.
Back then I don’t think that it was stocked in supermarkets like it is now.
By mistake and in my stupidity, I brought a bottle of cod liver oil.
I spread it all over myself and did notice the strange pong and the local cats sitting on my garden wall.
I got a good tan nevertheless.
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I was on the beach in Blackpool with my young family in ‘76 and the ladybirds were everywhere. They were also attracted to yellow cars from what I can remember.
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I know that tastes were different then Sammy, but anyone that buys a bright yellow car deserves whatever they get.
I wonder what ladybirds mistake one for?
It’s obviously a horrible yellow car.
Probably driven by a bender.
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Flamethrower them 🔥🔥🔥🔥
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I hate them.
I view them as an aggressive, rival civilization, especially after they invaded my home in several places a few years ago, having infested the wall cavities. The previous owners had obviously not been on the ball.
They are cheeky bastards who will take what is yours. Their sheer numbers, organisation and determination make them a formidable, communist type of enemy, which require robust and unceasing action. For anybody who has seen that science fiction film, Phase IV, it will be understood that they are attempting to take over the world.
I have since pushed the bug scum back to the fringes of the property by committing a determined programme of genocide against them. Attacking their nests and bases, using boiling water, ant powder, borax, and fruit laced with nasty chemicals. I also trod on them whenever I see them near my house.
On flying ant day I massacre as many of their vile queens and other varieties as possible to undermine their cause and numbers the following year.
The war turned in my favour some time ago, but they never stop trying to reassert themselves. There can never be complacency. I will always be on my guard and ready to exterminate them.
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Good man, that’s the spirit! 👍
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I think an army of ants who don’t know their own strength, could be beneficial to us and be the secret ingredient we’ve been looking for in helping us keep illegals at bay.
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