“Boring Boring Ingerlund!”

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“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s football correspondent Ron Knee reporting from the Euros after England’s 2-1 win over Slovakia. I’m now joined by manager Gareth Southgate to discuss the team’s progress so far. I think it’s fair to say that after lurching through the group stages like Joe Biden on Mogadon, it’s been squeaky bum time again here today against a side some forty places below England in the FIFA rankings. In short, we’ve been pretty dismal so far. Gareth, your reaction”

“Well I must say that you’re being completely unfair to both the team and myself. There aren’t any easy games in world football anymore. Our opponents have all been brilliant so far, and we’ve had to be that little bit more brilliant. Slovakia is always a hard place to get a result. I’m proud of my players”

“Erm, we’re in Germany… and well come on; ‘brilliant’ did you say?”

“Yes, it’s always hard here as well, but I say again, we were brilliant today. Look, we executed our game plan to perfection once more. Stifle and nullify to opposition. Lull them into a false sense of security, then strike twice like a viper. Game over”

“Well I’ll grant you, we’re still in the tournament, but honestly, we’re lucky to have survived so far, and you’ve elevated scuffling into an art form. I feel for the fans, who’ve forked out a fortune to come and watch these dire, boring performances. What have you got to say to them?”

“Our fans have been brilliant, and I’m proud of them. Okay, they’ve been cursing and swearing and throwing beer at me, but that’s all in the heat of the moment. On reflection, I’m sure they’ll agree that everything’s been brilliant so far”

“So what are your plans for the next game? Any player changes or tactical adjustments lined up?”

“Oh I can’t think that far ahead. At the moment, I’ve got a lap of honour of the dressing room to organise, then I’ve got some career options to consider. Word is that Yanited might be looking for a new manager and I’d be the perfect fit. Brilliant, you might say. Got to go. Ciao”

“Er well thanks for that Gareth. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

Daily Fail.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

A topical second helping from Igor:

Pundits at the Euros
For goodness sakes, can they not find someone that speaks some form of English ?

Some Scottish cunt and a couple of bimbos talking broken biscuits. That’s what we get at the Euros. I didn’t catch a word of their ramblings. Christ on a bike, am I alone in my disbelief?

I give up !

Peter picked a peck of pickled pundit

95 thoughts on ““Boring Boring Ingerlund!””

  1. Semi finals on a wing and a prayer.

    Has Captain Beaky found a formula to scuffle our way to a tournament win?

      • Good morning, Ron! Didn’t read all the nom but if it’s giving the useless English football team a damned good slagging, then I’m all for it! As fellow Isac member will know, I loathe and despise all things connected with the filthy business, from the namby pamby homosexualists pretending to look interested for 90 mins, to the mindless, braying donkeys that call themselves fans! All cunts as far as I’m concerned!!

  2. Gary and co were as delirious as ever last night. Saying how England are playing well. It was as lacklustre as ever.

    Gary used to mock the North Korean coverage of the world cup back when the Necrocracy qualified in 2010. Now he’s performing his role as the FA’s mouthpiece. It’s entirely political.

    We continue to eek out and scrape through, thanks to another easy run.

    Come on Holland, put an end to this shite.

    France vs Spain will produce the winner of the tournament.

    • To be fair, France have been as shite as England, albeit against tougher opposition. I agree though, that match will produce the tournament winner – Spain.

  3. I’m so glad I gave up on wokegates wankers years ago..

    I would rather listen to Rodney starmer prattling on about his toolmaker dad than watch a second of those knee bending, rainbow shoelaces wearing dicks..

  4. In a slightly stoned haze, I tuned in yesterday afternoon to see if England’s performance could be a tad more interesting under the influence.
    Nope, still utterly tedious.
    Albeit with approximately 20% more pointless running around.
    Much like the Labour cunts crowing about “winning”, we’ve not won shit; everyone else in our group has been dire.

    • Ingerlund kind of reminds me of some of the German nudge and nurdle sides of the past, only nowhere near as good at it as they were.

    • Labour voters must know they can’t have won, by their own criteria used during Cameron’s time as PM.
      Kweer’s Charmers only recieved 34% of the vote, which is not a majority, therefore an illegal seizure of power.

      You’re racist if you point it out though

      • They actually got 34% of a 60% turnout which is 20% of the entire electorate, so 80% DIDN’T vote for Stoma but hey, it’s a fucking landslide based on them getting fewer votes than magic grandpa did! What a fucking shitshow.

      • The 40% who failed to turn out are irrelevant.

        They could at least have spoiled their ballot papers, but no, the lazy cunts.

  6. I’ve no need to watch this shite, when there’s trusty friends like you Ron to prevent me. We must get up some kind of trust for your suffering. I’m waiting for when the luck runs out and gloat over the highlights of tears all round, especially the young kids and the parents, who have spent a fortune. They were born in the wrong era. I spent 9d going into Old Trafford to watch the Busby Babes.

    • Spot on, Sammy! Only the truly fucking brainless walk around wearing an England shirt! When I spot them on the train here, I enjoy pointing and laughing at the sad, delusional cunts!

    • Them were’t days Sammy.

      Lifted over the turnstile at Villa Park by me dad or grandad. A programme for 3d, meat pie and Bovril at half time, the sound of wooden rattles and smell of fag smoke hanging in the freezing air…

      • You could also have a piss into the empty bovril cartons and the steam would mingle when the fag smoke. The rattles are now known as weapons. The soft sods.

      • Remember going to your Villa Park, Ron and the referee sending off Denis Law and the Villa fans were chanting DL was a queer. Think there was some controversial goings on and the ref got a ban. We fans ended up running through one of your Saturday Market like Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, stealing stuff and selling it on the return train back to Manchester. My family had a lovely Sunday roast.

      • Remember going to your Villa Park, Ron and the referee sending off Denis Law and the Villa fans were chanting DL was a member of Quentin Crisp’s brigade. Think there was some controversial goings on and the ref got a ban. We fans ended up running through one of your Saturday Market like Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, stealing stuff and selling it on the return train back to Manchester. My family had a lovely Sunday roast.

  7. They’ve had more luck at narrow escapes than a bus load of choirboys turning down an invite to a Michael Barrymore pool party.

  8. The only reason I know the Euros are on is because I keep hearing how shit England are. My favourite tournaments from my childhood were Italia 90, Euro 96 and France 98. Some classic moments of Gazza’s wondergoal vs Scotland, Michael Owen leaving the Argie defense for dead and Gary Lineker shitting himself on the pitch against Rep of Ireland. All wonderful memories.

    • Indeed LL.

      Gazza cacking himself on screen is what makes him such a leg end in my mind.

  9. Compare this boring shitfest with what I’m watching at the moment: Moto3 from Germany.
    250cc bikes ridden utterly flat-out by 16-19 year old kids.
    They don’t know fear, pain or common sense!
    7 abreast into corners.

  10. Great stuff Ron.

    If the masterplan from Wankgate is to send everyone watching and most of those “playing” into a fucking coma then he is indeed a genius.

    I rather suspect however that he is simply a gigantic cunt.

    • Thanks Unk.

      I watched Portugal v France the other night, and France is as boring as England.

      What a jizzfest of football the semi-final promises to be.

      • I thought France did a lot better going foward. Both teams played well,even if it was 0-0 after 120 minutes.

  11. Down the years I’ve noticed that most casual observers and Jonny come lately’s, only ever watch football when England play in a tournament.

    The equivalent of watching Pete Sampras play tennis or Wladimir Klitschko box. Although they were bith actually highly successful at their respective careers. Unlike England.

    My point being that if your only experience of football is to sit through 120 minutes of watching England play then it’s highly unlikely you’d ever want to watch the game ever again.

    England are the worst possible outfit to promote what was once the “beautiful game”

    I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times in close to 40 years that England have played what you’d call “good football”

    This championship has been no different and the bigger tests are still to come for rat boy and his snowflakes.

    Good Morning.

    • I gave up not long after Southgate took over.

      A born loser. Won nothing as a player, his only other management experience was getting ‘Boro relegated, and of course, his shit penalty miss.

      OK, he missed, that happens.

      But to then go and make money from it, with those other two shit-dicks, Seaman and Shearer, taking the piss about losing in an advert for pizza hut, should have barred him from appearing in public for life.

      Never forgive, never forget that kind of shithousery. Wankers.

    • Well said Herman.
      The national team do not play Premiership level football at tournaments.
      It’s embarrassing.

  12. I’ll say again though – if England surviving through this tournament aggravates Sadiq Khan then I’m all for it.

    The snivelling little Islamist cock sucker apparently doesn’t like St George flags flying from cars in London for “safety reasons” but I’d bet the little goblin a halal curry that he’d have fuck all to say if his brethren were flying Parking Stanley or Palestine flags.

    I hate Sadiq Khan on a cellular level.

    • Afternoon HJ…I took my younger lad to London last year.
      It was stuffed t’gills with pakıs, nıg-nọgs and dog-eaters, even more so than I’d anticipated.
      Fuck knows how Odin copes with it!
      Amusingly, there was some sort of kerfuffle in the entrance to the London Dungeon, so the boy and I sneaked past and in without paying and got away with it.

    • This is very true.

      It’ll be very interesting indeed to see what the reaction is from the little arsehole. He can eat shit.

  13. “There were 10 german bombers, etc …….”

    “and the RAF….” ‘.oh f*ck – we’ve only got 2 fighters – one is in bits for repair and the tranagender pilot we recruited is having his pretend period…

    Listen ‘Ingerlund’ fans ;-
    1. Yo’ure teenage pissheads who don’t remember or know anything about WW2
    2. At least Germany could field and maintain an airforce. Our politicians have defunded and gutted our armed forces (just like the 1930s)
    3. You embarras England with this “we won the war” shit. You didn’t win anything.
    In fact, you’d be too busy posting on Tik-Tak that you’re feelings were hurt.
    4. Just cheer the goals (penalties) – chant “you’re shit, and you know you are”, get pissed, throw up, get arrested
    5. If you’re stupid enough to spend a fortune on flights, hotels, warm beer and England shirts with a rainbow flag on, the FA will carry on as before and pay a useless gnome 5Mil quid to be England Manager

    • Agree with those points apart from 2.
      Germany’s air force is in a similar state to our own.

      France is way ahead of both in terms of available combat aircraft.

      • Is it true that French Fighter aircraft have 2 holes in the top of the cockpit so the pilot can put his hands up ?

  14. When I was a kid I was immensely proud of all things English.

    It didn’t matter how the national football team won, as long as they did.
    I would be happy.

    Silly things like Miss England winning the Miss World contest or England winning The Eurovision Song Contest would make me proud.

    An English driver winning a Formula 1 race.

    Now there is nothing left which hasn’t been fucked up.
    Nothing for me to be proud of.

    I hate what has happened to English football and I really want the team to lose.
    I will enjoy watching the sissy,knee bending, gay supporting players crying when they leave the pitch.

    Miss World, if the contest still exists will probably be won by an ugly man in a frock.

    Eurovision is now just a homosexual wank fest.

    Lewis Hamilton has completely fucked my enjoyment of Formula 1.

    Woke has fucked up everything for me.

    I take no pride (even that word has been hijacked) in being born English.

    • Damned right, TAC.
      If James Hunt or Barry Sheene won a dangerous race, booze was getting drunk, cigs were getting smoked and slutty girls were getting their fannies thoroughly seen to.
      Nowadays, if Lewis Hamilton wins, he has a crywank in his motorhome to a picture of a pre-accident non-cabbage Michael Schumacher.

      • There was no real benefit for me to become a Spanish citizen Thomas.

        I just felt that I no longer wanted to be British.
        I wanted to belong somewhere.

        Now I only speak or listen to the English language if I need to.
        I will never return there.
        I have absolutely no ties to the country.

        It’s sad, and a little embarrassing for me.
        England was such a great country.

        Woke will catch up with me in Spain, I know that for sure.
        When it does I will fuck off to somewhere in South America.

    • Great post Artful.

      I was exactly the same myself up until about 15 years ago.

      Athletics
      Boxing
      Motor racing

      To be English or even British, was exactly that and I’d always be right behind my countryman.

      Now I don’t think any cunt knows what it is or what it represents.

      The kneeling for American criminals, the rainbow shit, the woke multi cultural lie.

      It’s all been completely fucked over.

      Even Eurovision. As terrible as it is and has always been, I remember as a kid watching the scoreboard hoping Great Britain might actually achieve more than nil point.

      Now I’d much prefer to see a tactical nuke land on the building it’s being held in while the UK entry are busily performing their degeneration riddled attempt.

    • I blame people like Andy Murray and the BBC. The BBC gaslighting the tennis knobs Andy represents Britain, while he holds a Scottish flag.

      Andy ‘Och aye, everything’s better is Scotland’ Murray.

      As for Sadiq not wanting the cross of St George flown in London, he knows that it will never represent him. You can be a British citizen, but ‘English’ has a deeper meaning, just as the star of David does for Israelis.

  15. Anything the chattering classes get involved with soon descends into a sanctimonious virtue signalling fest.
    Style over substance and I don’t mean style as in skill, rather appearance.
    I’m fuming these right on fuckers have got this far, if only they’d faced real opposition from the get go, all this pseudo jingoistic shite would be but dust in the mists of time.
    You want to support your nation of pussies led by weeds ?

  16. Kier Starmer is hoping they don’t win as he doesn’t want to have to fly the St George Cross outside Downing Street or undergo any media training to look try and look patriotic, especially if no blacks scored.

  17. It’s the fucking pundits and football writers that do my head in.
    That obnoxious prick, Henry Winter, sucking Bellinghams cock.
    Shearer telling the players they have to accept criticism, whilst seemingly forgetting his stroppy response to the same at euro 96.
    But top of the tree must be mouth almighty, Chris Sutton, who declared that Wokegate must find room for Trent in midfield, and then moaned that it didn’t work and that Wokegate shouldn’t experiment at a tournament.
    All, with the odd minuscule exception, a bunch of two faced, clueless cunts!

    • Having that useless cunt Gary Neville as a pundit is just a joke.

      His venture into football management saw the worst ever run of games for Valencia while would have been relegated from La Liga if he would have stayed.

      The English team have tried unsuccessfully to play tiki-taka football.

      One touch and then pass works if there is some sort of end result planned.

      Keeping tight possession in your own third of the pitch is pointless and boring.
      There is no need for the opposition to challenge for the ball and get out of position.

      The English players individually are cowards.
      As a team they are fixated on not losing rather than just going for it and hopefully winning.

    • Henry Winter is a cunt.

      Alan Shearer is a bigger cunt.

      Shearer’s attempts as a co commentator are embarrassing.

      As we all know too well, professionalism and impartiality are a thing of the past at the Beeb.

      Oh for the days of Barry Davies in the commentary box speaking the Queen’s English.

      Yes – the Queen.

  18. And if I hear another pundit describe a bang average England player as ‘world class’, I’ll be putting my fist through the telly.
    Surely they must realise that many are playing with top class teammates in the premier league, who create the time and space for them.
    That’s why they’re so fucking dull.

    • The irony is that all the shite will be forgotten if Beaky’s Boys somehow nurdle their way to winning the trophy.

      Arise Sir Gareth,and all that…

  19. England are going to win the tournament. Not because they are the best team, not because they win when playing badly.

    Nope because somehow it will be evidence of how everything is wonderful now we have a Labour government.

    I can see Starmer on the bus for the parade. Everything even mildly good will be because of Labour.

    • But…but…

      Everything WILL be better with Labour. They’re going to smash the smuggling gangs and stop the small boats, cut taxes, tackle the NHS crisis, build more houses, encourage enterprise, recognise a Palestinian state and so on. England will win the next World Cup and thrash the Aussies to win the Ashes. They could even put a person on the moon.

      Things can only get better. Sir Keir says so.

      • He will say anything, as he did before the election. Allegedly they are already planning tax raids on anyone who’s doing better than the trot cunts think they should be.

        They have no plan for legal migration and as they love to say ‘no human is illegal’ nuff said.

        They are going to magic up growth in the economy. The only way to do that in a service economy is add more consumers.

  20. It hasn’t been great but at the end of the day we’re in the semis again. Two more of those and I’ll be very happy indeed. Sometimes it’s not the best team who wins, but the team with the most determination and grit.

    • That’s us fucked then.

      Harry mouth-breather Kane.was a fucking disgrace last night. Was not up for it one little bit.

      Took a bit of a tumble, I have worse every Saturday night, nah, that’s it, subbed, fuck all wrong with him, just didn’t want penalty pressure.

      And this giant cunt is supposed to be a leader, the captain no less!

      • We need to start Watkins on Wednesday night. With this new 343 formation he’d thrive with his pace and ability to get in behind.

      • We wouldn’t have come back how we did or scored all 5 of our penalties if we didn’t have those things. I’m dissatisfied with our performances too but it’s not all doom and gloom.

  21. The cunt Gary Neville describes the even bigger cunt Kane as England’s greatest footballer….
    The mind boggles,wouldn’t have made it into the 66 team.

    • Neville is the ultimate brown nosing bellend.

      Whale Tongue, the greatest?! Oh, my sides.

      Bobby Charlton, Stanley Matthews, Stanley Mortenson, Duncan Edwards, Tommy Taylor, Emlyn Hughes, Bobby Moore, Jimmy Greaves, Gordon Banks, Kevin Keegan, Bryan Robson, Glenn Hoddle, Stan Bowles, Steve Coppell, Ray Wilkins, Paul Gascoigne, Colin Bell, Kerry Dixon, Mike Summerbee, Trevor Francis, Tom Finney, Francis Lee, to name but a few.

      Even the likes of Brian Kidd, David Beckham, Joe Royle, Bob Latchford and -yes – Gary Lineker were better than Kane.

      Neville is such an arselicking grnadstanding knob.

      • Not to mention Alan Ball, Peter Beardsley, David Platt, Martin Peters, Malclom McDonald, Martin Chivers, Mick Channon, Gordon Hill, Geoff Hurst, Terry Butcher, Tony Adams, Michael Owen.

        Harry Kane? My arse,

      • @norm….Hudson,Clarke, madeley, Shilton, Osgood, Currie,Kendall,big jack,perryman,beattie,Lindsay, Cunningham,regis, etc, etc…..footballers 👍

      • I had to laugh a few weeks back when these cunts were trying to criticise Ten Hag after he’d won his second trophy in as many seasons.

        Shearer in particular having a pop less than five minutes after full time.

        If I’d been Ten Hag the first thing I’d have fired back with is “what the fuck do you know about football management or trophies Alan?”

        The blanket media coverage of football does it no favours.

      • True, Herman.

        Only trophy Mary Poppins scabbed was that league title in 95 for Burntblack Rovers. And the fuckers only got that by just one point. If Cantona hadn’t been banned, Shearer wouldn’t have even got that.

      • The amount of Scots players that also leave Kane in the dust…

        Denis Law, Kenny Dalglish, Graeme Souness, Jim Baxter, Pat Crerand, Joe Jordan, Jimmy Johnston, Asa Hartfod, Lou Macari, Martin Buchan, Billy Bremner, Gordon Strachan, Gordon McQueen, Danny McGrain, Ally McCoist, Paul Sturrock, Willie Miller, Alan Hansen, Brian McClair, Dave McKay, Frank McLintock.

    • Ally McCoist is the only comentator I can listen to – knows what he’s talking about.
      Linnekar needs sacking. Save the money.
      He can go do a lefty woke podcast and advertise his shitty cardigans. (Hamas also sponsor him)
      Let’s bus a few coach loads of illegals to his mansion he loves them so much – oh, but he can afford gates and security guards can’t he …..WANKER !

  22. I don’t like that cunt Virgil but I hope he rams his surname right up wokegate and his motley crew of so called superstars…Oop Holland Oop 🇳🇱

    • Indeed Gelderd.

      I will paint my house orange if the Dutch dispatch that fuck Wokegate.and his fairies.

  23. Thank fuck that after reading all the replies on here I hate football and sport with a passion, seems to me that all sport does is make people divvy. Why anyone would pay good money to observe a load of up their own arses cunts playing games is beyond me, same goes for actors and musical twats. I’ve only taken money off of actors and musicians when I’ve worked for them, just how it should be in my eyes.

  24. I just cannot take to them and I never will. I wanted England to win in 1982, 1986 and 1990 (yes, even you, Lineker). But this bunch of cunts are neither inspiring nor endearing. Faffing about in swimming pools with inflatable rainbow unicorns?! And I will never forgive or forget them taking the knee for a house breaking woman beating treeswinger criminal who is better off dead.

    A football team that masquerades as a diversity lecture, And the manager is the worst ever anywhere. Wokegate makes Graham Taylor look like Cesar Luis Menotti. Not enough bad things can be said about Gareth.

    Needless to say, I hate them.

    • I’m no fan of Southgate but what was Taylor’s tournament record?

      • Taylor’s tournament record was very poor.

        However;

        Graham Taylor’s treatment by the FA and the media was disgusting compared to how they persevere with that limp dicked cunt Southgate.

        Any other manager would have been sacked several years ago.

        Graham Taylor took Watford from the bottom tier to the UEFA Cup via league position.

        He also took Villa close to the title before taking the England job.

        That’s some feat and one that Wokegate could only dream of.

        I would add that Taylor’s reign was one where the relatively poor talent pool to pick from and injuries to key players worked against him.

        I’m not defending him too much mind because some of his selections and his tactics were appalling but he was still a better manager than Gareth Southgate.

        English football at the time of Taylor’s reign was in the doldrums compared to now and the tactical blueprint of the FA was stuck in the 50s.

        International football is a boring wank fest these days.

        There are very few top managers that actually get involved in international football these days either.
        Apart from maybe Spalletti and Ragnick

        Deschamps is shite
        Martinez is shite
        Koeman is shite
        Southgate is shite

      • Southgate has failed at every tournament he he has taken part in. The 2021 final against Italy being the most disgraceful. Yet he hangs around like a wedgie thar won’t flush.

        Taylor failed to get England to USA 94. But he had the decency to resign immediately.

      • Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not saying Southgate is the right man for the job. Hell as soon as the tournament is over I want him to be moved into a backstage role and the FA to go all out for Klopp or Guardiola (odious personalities aside they’re both great fits for the players we have). However, it hasn’t been all doom and gloom.

  25. For all his faults tactically Southgate does seem to be an excellent man manager. He shouldn’t be in the top job but definitely has a role to play behind the scenes.

  26. They’ve had a piss easy draw and still play like they’d settle for penalties against a team with Andrea Bocceli in goal. Fuck off Southgate even Frank Lampard could do better.

    • You get the easy draw by topping the group. Unless you’re desperately unlucky like Spain and Germany were (although even they had plum last 16 ties).

  27. James Corden delays own play for England penalties.

    Unprofessional fat cunt.

    • Raducanu doing mixed doubles with slapped arse mummy’s boy Andy Murray.

      Welcome to the Wimbledon end of the pier show.

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