Unnecessary Products and The Idiots Who Buy Them

Washing machine scent boosters.

Just why?

You have your laundry liquid/tablets.
There are already the ” freshest”, so why do you need scent boosters?

If you’ve got an effective bog cleaner, why do you need some shite in a plastic cage hung in the toilet rim?

I’m reminded why I rarely watch TV, everytime I switch the idiot lantern on.


Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

56 thoughts on “Unnecessary Products and The Idiots Who Buy Them

  1. Good morning…you could argue that it’s just idiot wimminz who buy this sort of superfluous nonsense, but men are just as guilty.
    Have a look at these audio systems costing hundreds of grand, absolutely ridiculous.
    Once you get over 10 grand’s worth of equipment, the law of diminishing returns applies.

  2. Well I don’t know..

    only yesterday a black man on the telly told me to buy a new car,a bbq,washing powder then a vaguely sinister Arab looking chap told me to buy some fast food.

    there weren’t any normal people in the adverts at all.

    now where did I put my credit card?

    Good morning.

  3. Morning all,

    I generally agree with this, but I blame Kenneth Williams for the fact that I like a Blu Loo.

    One of the most useless things my missus bought was a plastic thing resembling a tennis ball with blunt spikes on it. It is supposed to go in the tumble dryer to soften the clothes. Shite. All it did was make a terrible clanking noise when I’m trying to watch the footy.

    I gave it the dog, and banned her from buying shit off the Internet when she’s pissed.

  4. As regards lavatory products, at one time you might have got away with a bottle of Domestos – it killed 99% of all known germs, good enough for general use – but imagine the shithouse in Westminster – when you have had Mandy, Streeting, Kyle, Bryant, Rayner and AnalEase shitting and pissing in them there must be a few unknown germs to cope with.

    At any rate, a good air freshener would be needed to waft away the stench of AnalEase’s pissed knickers and Streeeting’s pile ointment.

    • Has a product been invented that’s strong enough to kill the rancid germs living in Angela Rayners growler/ arsehole?

      • Back in the good old days my dad would buy Paraquat or Gramoxil from the farmers supplies. It was supposed to be a weed killer but it had the advantage of killing everything.
        You could put it in a watering can and draw a cock on someones lawn. The grass would have to be dug up to remove the burnt-in ‘cock’.
        Good stuff, now sadly banned by the fun police.
        I digress, a liberal shower of the above would remove ‘ginger germs’…..and more.

    • Wonder what diseases Mandy has from his Brazilian boyfriend?

      Something unearthed but limited to the Amazon…

      until now.

  5. The Mrs insists on buying those sickly plug in air fresheners for the hallway so visitors can smell a fresh floral smell as they enter…I said ‘have you not noticed no fucker seems to come anymore,and the odd one stands at the gate waving to get your attention’. 😩

  6. My missus puts this yellow liquid in the washing machine along with the laundry detergent,
    And it smells fuckin awesome.

    I smell like a summer meadow 😁

    Normally I wouldn’t give a flying fuck but if there was a house fire I’d rescue this stuff before the kids.

    I’ve never smelt so good.

    *This post has been brought to you by the proctor and Gamble company

  7. My missus uses these fucking things as “air fresheners”. Pots of the little bastard’s all over the place…..🤭

      • Especially Gwyneth Paltrow’s scented candles, previously cunted on this site some time ago by yours truly.

  8. We have a wonderful washing machine.
    Best available to humanity.
    It’s German, Miele.

    Removal men know about Miele washing machines,
    It’s one of the arcane secrets we are privy to,
    They are in posh houses,
    But we know about them because they weigh the same as a small car and the helper whines like a little bitch if we have to move one.

    I got a Miele first off a doctor who was leaving his missus and spoilt daughter and doing a moonlight with his secretary.
    His new place had a fitted kitchen so he asked me if I wanted his Miele.

    I came home like a proud hunter to show the missus my prize.

    MM “I don’t like it. It’s ugly”.

    MNC ” so am I, but it’s the best on the market!. Worth a few quid”.

    But she got her own way.
    I gave it to friends.

    2 weeks later she phoned me at work.

    ” Our washing machine is broke!”

    Told her she had the chance of the best you can get and now we’d have to get ours repaired.

    Phones me a hour later.

    ” Sorted It. I’ve just bought us a Miele”

    I nearly crashed the van I was weeping that hard.

    • I may be laughing Mis but you have my sympathy. We’ve been married coming up fifty years and I’ve never regretted it but, on thankfully rare occasions I’ve had similar experience. Sometimes I’ve thought I should have been a poof, then I wouldn’t have suffered such events.

      • Morning Arfur 👍

        Yeah, I had trouble sleeping for about 2 weeks after.

        I’ve had some cracking stuff off the van,
        Including John Bishop’s floorboard.
        But women tend to have a issue with what they see as ‘second hand’.

        Not me.
        I’m happiest skip diving!

    • I’ve got a Miele dishwasher and a tumble dryer Mis.
      The dishwasher was £20 . Just needed a new o ring on the inlet solenoid.
      The dryer was free off a customer.
      Happy days.

  9. ‘Twas ever so really. The economy runs on rinsing the great unwashed of what little money they have for consumer products many of which would be described accurately as fripperies. In recent times we seem to have moved on to the point where many folks have an order of spending priorities which is nonsensical. The folks across the road go on exotic holidays and recently her car has appeared with new number plates the letters on which are the first three letters of her given name. The external woodwork of their house is years overdue for painting and is now starting to rot at the joints. I actually persuaded them to let me put my ladder up and unblock their gutters. I receive regular messages advising me that for instance I should have this year’s iphone for £300 pounds off and only £50 a month (for a limited period). Why the fuck would I? But I bet there are plenty of folks who do.

    I’m rambling, I’ll stop now. I hope I’ve made my point.

    • Sounds like my Aunty. New jag, 3 weeks in Lanzarote.

      3 months later goes begging to my nan for a ‘loan’. They can barely pay the bills and having to live on sausages, mince and beans.

      My dad -‘ what, like 80 percent of the country?’

      She was born in the fifties so a boomer through and through.

      I’ve found there’s more of them like it than many would like to admit.

  10. I bought a tube of non scented Ecozone bollocks, the size of tennis balls with stones in them. Said it would wash the clothes similar to the ladies who used to bash the clobber on the rocks centuries ago. I’m still using them. Seems to clean my clothes and helps to keep the public from coming near me. The best 2 for 1 offer well spent.

    As for the bog. Wait until the pong gets unbearable and squirt the strongest liquid known to man round the rim and it also helps you to see the bottom of the pan. Repeat every once in a blue moon if you can stomach the stench.

  11. Another prime example of this money-making bollocks is toothpaste/mouth washing.

    You’ve got whitening, sensitivity-reducing, cavity-protecting, enamel-repairing etc…. why not have them all rolled into one product? Oh yeah that’s right, they wouldn’t be able to rinse the consumer for as much money as they currently do.

    • I buy tooth whitening toothpaste because it’s the cheapest at the supermarket. Been using it for years.

      Load of bollox, doesn’t work. My teeth are all shades. All I need is a pink one and we could have a game of snooker.

  12. I love the natural environment of cleanliness. Munching on a ladies minge for ages is the most naturalistic thing known to me alone. Who needs artificial materials, when nature takes its course.

  13. Good nom,

    I assumed this was a critique of the recent Labour Party Manifesto.

    I see Lammy has already played the race card as our Foreign Secretary
    … well part of that title is correct……. and some ‘lib dem’ wimmin was on the wireless earlier spouting about who the last ten years have been awful to the trans benders in society, but this was now going to change with positive actions….

    Lib Dem’s, they’ll oppose nowt by Labour cos they agree with it and more,…

    Off now to do some washing as everything’s perf with serf…

    • Forgot that one, Leo.

      It fills me with an uncontrollable rage everytime I hear it, and then I just have to slap the nearest face.

      The dog’s getting really fed up!

    • ‘Serf’ being the beater or caddy on a shoot or the links in my neck of the woods.

      ‘Stop dawdling, Pigskin. Bring me my shooting glasses!’

  14. Never got those who pay a big fuck off water bill, then buy bottled still water. It’s bloody insane.

    ‘But… But tap water is bad for you…’

    Says who?

    • It really is shite in Notts it smells and tastes like the baths the chorine could gas you. Tesco sell 8 litres for £1.90.

      • I was out of the UK for a long time, came back for a short visit to see the old gal.

        She made me a cup of tea and I genuinely thought she’d gone dotty and put bleach in it. I’m not drinking that shit.

        The tap water in London is literally recycled piss, full of female hormones from contraceptives and metabolites of cocaine. Fucking poison.

  15. If you saw where tap water comes from trust me you wouldn’t drink it I worked in mogden lane sewage works years ago and I wouldn’t touch the shit

  16. Lots of kitchen gadgets these days are totally a waste of them. I’d put air fryers in that category.

    Not much you really need in a kitchen.

  17. I’ve noticed a lot of bad odour related advertisements when the wife is watching programmes on the shitty channels.
    The ads are trying to tell us that our houses stink so badly that we need some horrid chemical air freshener.
    (We don’t all live in Marsh green,Wigan)
    They also tell us that we need strong fabric conditioners and personal deodorants for “long lasting freshness”
    Do they assume that the average British household stinks more than Gordon Brown’s cock as it’s being pulled out of Mandelson’s arsehole?
    Another one that annoys me is where you see two feeble parents,their two kids and their pet Labrador all sitting on a white carpet instead of the highly expensive sofas behind them.
    The advert is presumably trying to sell s some sort of carpet-cleaning product which would not be necessary if they didn’t allow the dog to rub it’s worm-infested hole all over the floor.

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