Fat Bastards [4]

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We have all seen the ‘reality’ programmes featuring these ginormous tubs of lard sprawled out on their re-enforced beds, wanting the world to feel sorry for them.
Firemen having to demolish walls so that a team of medical staff with the aid of an industrial hoist can get them into a specially manufactured ambulance and off to hospital.
The ‘reality’ for each of these fat fuckers is that on one day in the past they woke up and were completely unable to get out of their beds.
They subsequently shat themselves.
Anyone with even the smallest amount of self respect would be absolutely mortified and would vow that they would lose weight so that they are never in such an embarrassing situation again.
But these disgusting cunts wallow in their own foulage until a helper turns up to scrape the shit out of their huge arse cheeks and clean them up the best that they can.
Said helper is probably then dispatched to the cake shop to fetch a few boxes of breakfast.
The complete lack of self respect is astonishing.
They didn’t get to that stage quickly, they could have dieted at any time but decided not to.
I have no sympathy with them and I have no sympathy with their helpers who continue to clean and feed them.
The good news is that these horribly obeses cunts die young.
The bad news is for the pall bearers at their funerals.

Nominated by: The Artful Cunter

50 thoughts on “Fat Bastards [4]”

  1. There are two Fat Fucks where i work and they have been shielding the last year on full pay.
    I hear stupid cunts saying “ oh those poor people we must give them our support”
    Starve the feckless lazy bastards with no will power of pork pies , cakes and their king size plate down the Toby Carvery.
    Christ on a bike why do we indulge these selfish fat fucks ?

  2. They are on the telly for a reason. It’s called “entertainment”. Just like the Victorian freak shows…… the bearded lady, the elephant man, that kind of shit. Don’t like it don’t watch it.

    Low hanging fruit.

  4. I saw one of These cunts who died of Covid apparently with no underlying health issues. Being a fat cunt is a health issues. A fucking big one.

    Guaranteed these are the cunts who will have the long Covid and be on the sick till their dying day

  5. Should we really be laughing at these poor individuals?

    Don’t you think they’ve already got enough on their plate?

    Boom Boom!

    Salad?

  6. The fat cunts all live on welfare and are just a waste of everyone’s time.
    Titanic sized oven all the soft greedy pigs.

  7. I enjoy those programmes with Fat Cunts. There’s an American one with a weird little Doctor who isn’t afraid to tell them the truth..that they are just lazy,selfish Cunts. He often sends them to a Head-Shrink where they invariably blame everyone else for their plight….tears streaming down their bright red cheeks from their piggy little eyes,jowls wobbling and 15 chins shaking they wail that it’s not their fault…Well,it is,you gross sacks of blubber. Who the fuck would eat until, as The Artful Cunter says, they got so fat that they have to lay in their own shit?

    I also enjoy programmes where they send fat children away to some camp to lose weight….it’s hilarious watching them wheezing,crying and whining when made to take a bit of exercise. I know that there were very few fat children when I was at school…they were encouraged to get fit by a programme of harsh bullying from both their peers and the teachers…I’d like to see more of that…people helping people,what could be more suitable in this soft,self-indulgent age?

      • Fucking ridiculous…encouraging more of the weird, bobble-hatted trespassers to stampede over Landowners’ vast acreages. That money should be given to the people who have to put up with the litter-spreading,gate-leaving,self-righteous Wankers.

        Morning,Mike.
        Morning,All.

      • As a weird bobble hatted trespasser I’m over the moon!!
        😀😀👍

      • Morning Jack,
        As we turn up at Fiddlers, rosy cheeked, muddy, singing loudly

        “oh I like to go awandering a knapsack on my back,
        Faleri falera”‘…

        I can picture Dickie now a tray with hot Bovril and sandwiches to welcome us!
        Northumbria!
        Friendliest place in the UK!

      • Me and Ethel are going up to Northumberland, in the not too distant future.
        I bet Dick’s glad that things are getting back to normal, lock down must have been lonely for him.
        Hope he’s baked some cakes for the influx of free spending visitors.
        😀

      • His cinnamon buns are divine Jack.
        He also makes a good biscuit with smiley faces in icing.
        If you and Ethel call and hes not in, just let yourself in, dry your socks near the fire and wait for him, help yourselves to anything in the cupboards, as his catchphrase says
        ‘my home is your home’😀

      • Salt of the earth, is Dick.
        I’m sure he won’t mind us partaking of his Bushmill’s.
        Hope he has that nice soft toilet paper.
        😂

      • We’re only staying the fortnight Jack.
        He said he was happy to let us have his room.
        Even though I said I have uncontrollable flatulence.
        Angel of the North that man…

      • Pre-covid when off to work in a morning I used to see this kid at the bus stop, a proper little butterball, like a doughnut with eyes.
        His parents should be prosecuted.
        He had a cracking pair of tits,
        (34d cup?) But he was about 12yrs old, how’s he got like that?!!!
        His parents must weep on sports day?

      • Jesus Fucking Christ, the last thing we need is Game of Thrones nerds trampling all over the wall throwing their litter around and fucking the place up. I’ve been there many times and, even in July and August, there’s a vicious wind that gets right up your kilt. Fuck knows how those Mediterranean types put up with it but I can’t see any attraction for your modern millennial and Starbucks and Burger King will tell you to fuck off.
        Besides which, when Jockland goes independent we’ll need to build up the wall to keep out the EU hordes. Pretend to anyway.

    • Mr Fiddler, I believe you to be Harry Flashman from the George MacDonald Fraser books and I claim my 5 shiny gold coins of the realm.

    • Each candidate the little doctor sends them home for a few weeks for them to demonstrate the slightest bit of discipline and self control. Every fat monster comes back having utterly failed his task. Their carping denials and utter lack of self awareness is astonishing.

    • Haha yes My 600 Lb Life, insanely addictive show. That doctor doesn’t take any shit whatsoever!

  9. They should legalise sky burials in the UK, so at least when these fatty bum bums expire, their massive carcasses can do some good and feed the starving wildlife.

    Doing their bit to put back what they took (and boy they took more than their fair share).

    Corpulent cunts.

  10. Being a fat bastard myself, I also have no sympathy for the cunts who just lie around all day, I love nice food and I drink to much but there is pretty much nothing I can’t do, or ever intend to stop doing, one day I main be a drain on the system but I don’t give a single fuck.
    My whole lifetime has been pretty much spent paying into the system, and I have been fucked over by the system a few times as well.
    The way I see it, I fund the NHS, I fund all these fucking immigrants that keep turning up, I fund all these bone idle,,benefit claiming, lazy arsed cunts who can’t and won’t work.
    I have seen how life is when you get very old and to be truthful I would rather bow out before I’m sat by the sunny window with a full catheter bag, wondering whether or not my eating teeth are going to be required today.
    As far as my coffin being carried, there is always my local recovery truck company who can reverse me into the oven.
    So no as a relatively fit fat bastard, I make my own way in life, while there are drinkers, smokers, drug takers, car racers and may other dangerous habits and hobbies in the world there is no one who can honestly say there isn’t a risk they can stop taking…. So from a fat bastard who has already payed for his own health are over and over again, when it’s required I will get it and if it means Mgubi from the Sudan doesn’t get a nose job for an extra week…. Fuck him I don’t care….

    • Mgubi from The Sudan says you’re a raaaaay-sist!
      Oh, and will you be requiring a taxi for either yourself or any under age infidel girls?

    • All credit to you F and I will support you whole-heartedly. It is your life and you lead it the way you want – the important thing being that you fund it yourself. What I object to is that you and I have to fund all the fat lazy bastards that live off the state. But even when they have left this coil early, there will always be someone else to take their place. What we must do is stop paying for their fucking selfish grotesque lifestyles.

  11. These fucks must surely get to a point where they can see the pounds pile on . Why not stop?
    I had a colleague who while at medical school had a lecturer who once told a fat woman “you’re wider than you are long. You don’t deserve to live”
    I must add this was before pc woke peeeesh destroyed frankness and honesty.
    Anyone had a lard bucket sit next to them in a plane? I’ve not but do tell.

    • I have but, to be fair, any cunt sitting next to me on a plane is in for a hard time. I shit myself from the first minute to the last……totally shit scared. I once sat next to this fat Yank bird on a flight from Minneapolis to Denver. She pulled a box of doughnuts from the overhead locker and proceeded to eat one after the other for about an hour. She was all over me but I was more preoccupied with the rickety old plane I was sitting in.
      It had fucking ash trays for fucks sake!!

  12. “We have all seen the ‘reality’ programmes featuring these ginormous tubs of lard sprawled out on their re-enforced beds….”

    Not me.

    Morning all. 🌞

  13. There is obviously a secret ‘Tubster Allowance’ you only get to know about once you reach 35 stone.

    First rule of Tubster Allowance…

    There must be because I recall seeing the fatest cunt in England on a TV show about 10 or 15 years ago. He was a Man City fan and had his own (reinforced and large) seat at the stadium. He had no job and no Mrs.

    But the cunt had his own house (ok a council house but it was nice enough inside and out). He had someone to clean his house and help him shop. He ate about £50 worth of food a day and drank about 15 pints of lager in the pub every day too. Pub meals. The aways. Taxis everywhere.

    Not once did the show say how he was getting his £150 a day spends, season ticket money and Sky telly.

    Like I said. Tubster Allowance.

    Pass the pizzas, Coca Cola and donner kebabs. I’m in.

  14. They should be sectioned, put on a 500 calorie a day diet, given behavioural therapy and a gastric band.

  15. I’d get the fat cunts on tv, strip them naked and then give them skipping ropes, it would be hilarious watching the mountains if flesh wobble about and a lot better tv than most of the usual Saturday evening shite fest, it may also shame a couple of the land whales into doing something about their hideous appearance.

  16. Dont get me started. Watched a pair who were ‘too fat to work’ spraying champagne everywhere outside their house once after winning the lottery jackpot and then say in the interview they wouldn’t be paying back the incapacity benefits. Was tempted to drive round the county until i found their home and murder them in it. Piss totally boiled.

    • The fat woman from that couple was in the paper the other day saying that she wouldn’t repay the furlough money that she had claimed for her staff.

      Nasty Sow.

  17. You quite often see a fat cunt in a supermarket without a mask, usually with one of those exemption lanyards on, and I don’t think it’s because they have difficulty breathing, it’s because they would be traumatised by having something obstructing their greedy fucking mouth.

    • Their heads are too fat for the straps to go around their ears.

      The should wear vests over their faces.

      • It makes me laugh when I see a fat cunt on telly saying they can’t afford to live on benefits, and you know they are eating takeaways three times a fucking day. I can’t afford to eat takeaway every day and I’m fucking working. I made a gallon of delicious soup the other day for about £2.50, and I’ve frozen about six portions. I suppose even if you could get a gutbucket to do the same, the would do the whole gallon in one go, as a fucking starter for a kfc bucket meal.

  18. The last time I went to my doctors, he told me I was overweight and I should do something daily that gets me slightly out of breath.
    Now I’ve got a 40 a day smoking habit to fuckin’ fund!

  19. I was behind a fat cunt at Asda a while back. Her shopping on the checkout belt was nearly all beige in colour. Temptation got the better of me, as I spied a slimming book above the belt, discretely put the book on her side of the separation thingumyjig. I kept a very straight face as the checkout woman scanned it through, and the fat cunt screaming at her that it wasn’t hers. Pissed myself laughing as she waddled off, and the checkout woman was smiling too, made her fucking day.

  20. I have a repulsively fat sister-in-law, made even uglier by the fact that she is a butch lezbo with a liking for crew cut hair styles, tight tee-shirts that come up above her Moby Dick-like belly and vast shorts which make her look like a Spanish galleon at full mast. She smokes, drinks two-liter bottles of Coke, uses up a whole pack of butter at breakfast which she spreads on bread then dips the mess into a mug of black coffee with six spoonfuls of sugar in it. She is allegedly a teacher but as she doesn´t have the ability to control a class she hasn´t done anything for years except draw her salary. She is so unfit that she can barely walk without clutching onto the nearest wall, chair or table. I shudder when I see her and long for the day the phone rings and we are told she has finally given up her mortal coil.

    • Good lord. Is she one of those ridiculous cunts that claims the mens hair and clothes and the excess 14 stone are some sort of choice and statement against objectification? Was at the cotswold zoo once Had a pair like that rolling round in lycra shorts on the grass area where all the families were sat with great horrendous camel toes. It was like watching a pair of walruses fucking mating disgusting

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