Segway Morons

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I want to nominate the irresponsible cunt who whizzes along the Bournemouth promenade on one of those one-wheel gadget things – Segways!

Saw him again this evening and he must have been doing a good 30mph on that thing, swerving from side to side as he avoided other people.

I’ve seen a few arseholes on these things, but he’s the worst and could quite easily kill someone in a collision.

He’s a cunt, so are the retailers who sell it, so is the cunt who invented it.

Nominated by: Mystic Maven 

26 thoughts on “Segway Morons”

  1. Two wheels surely? Never seen one in real life but you must look like a right wanker on one of those things. How much are they? Anyone know?

  2. They are for cunts too lazy to even cycle. They just stand there and roll…. And are completely unprepared for a stamping side kick to their emaciated knee.

    • Fuck that! One wheel and you have to balance on the fucker? 550 notes? Who buys shit like that?

    • Great story. What a soppy cunt. Why didn’t he just jump off it the prick?

    • I see a major design/safety issue with this machine, the guy was going along a path next to a cliff edge, it he hit something that veered him toward the cliff it would have shifted his body weight in the same direction and the machine would have reacted to that movement and shot over the edge. Oops!

  4. I thought theses things were banned in the UK, from roads and pavements.

    If not, they should be, in fact anything other than feet (and prams and wheelchairs) should be banned from pavements!

    Like the picture, it looks like a line up for a knob of the year contest 😂

    • They are but it doesn’t stop the cunts using them. Likes cyclists on pavements police can only fine them but the coppers can’t be arsed. Those electric scooters are the same.
      Fucking menace as you can’t hear them coming. Not because you have a chance of being knocked over by one but because you don’t have enough time to prepare yourself to knock them off theirs.

  5. There is one these cunts around my way who rides a mono wheeled thingy.
    He was on the local tv news gabbling on about it. It was never mentioned by albeeb that these vehicals are illegal and banned on roads and pavements.
    The prick nearly knocked me over some months back as the day was gloomy and he was dressed head to toe in black with a tinted visor on his headgear. The scooter is silent and he was going at least 20mph along the road.
    Never a cement truck when you need one!

  6. Good…at least they’re a handier shape for chucking down a well than a pushbike.

  7. I bought my kid the two wheeled version a few years back.

    As a child’s toy, they are fine. Its just when adults use them as a mode of transport that they become irritating and dangerous.

    As a middle aged bloke with zero sense of balance, I would strongly advise against having a go on one.

    I did at my kid’s insistance and faceplanted into the tarmac. It really, really hurt.

    Never again.

  8. Maybe we should make them compulsory to use in peaceful lands and get the fuckers to ride them around mountain ranges, the Himalayas are a good place to go

  9. Segways are pretty expensive aren’t they? They do look kinda dumb reminds me of mopeds A old friend use to tell me Riding a scooter is like banging a fat chick you don’t want your friends to see you with her but you’ll take it out for a drive late at night.

    Just googled segway for a quick read and they actually have segway polo lol thats fucking hilarious actually sounds fun probably more so to watch then play. Cheaper to play then real polo because the upkeep on the horses and club memberships and what have you

  10. Years ago, a cunt near me had a Sinclair C5-saw him whizzing down into town on it, about 2 hours later saw him stTic as the fucker didn’t have the guts to take him up a steep hill, back home.
    Still makes me chuckle.
    Perhaps we could all chip in on ISAC and buy one for Greta Mongberg, I think Beachy Head would be a nice scenic location to make the presentation.

  12. How about the stupid cunts who are now on electric scooters. On roads, on pavements, on cycle lanes. Fucking menace. But to ride a motorbike you need years of training (thanks to successive anti-motorcycle governments), a licence, a helmet, insurance and road tax. And don’t you dare not have or the rozzers will be down on you like a ton of bricks. But drive a scooter like a cunt and they don’t bother you.

  14. Two wheeled motability scooters. Look at the fat prick at the front of that cunt queue, the only exercise that blob gets is opening crisp bags. Withdraw free healthcare for obesity related conditions would be a start. The majority of cunts I see on the full size, taxpayer funded motability scooters are fat cunts who are just too lazy to walk to the chippy.

  15. Pavements are for feet, pushchairs and prams (stop that side by side pram shit Karens!) – not for skateboards, Segways, Bikes, scooters etc.
    Segways look like dangerous overpriced shit for fatties and poseurs – a solution to a non existent problem, we have things on the end of our legs which if used are surprisingly efficient!

  16. I have never seen a live one in action before. But saying that i live in Glasgow, so anyone caught riding one of those things here would probably get their head kicked in.

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