Simon Calder

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SIMON CALDER:

An Around-The-World-In-80-Days, No-spitting-on-the-upper-deck,leave-the-lavatory-as-you-would-wish-to-find-it-lift-the-seat and don’t-use-it-when-standing-at-the-station cunting please, for The “Independent” (sic) Newspaper’s Travel correpondent, and one of Wireless 4’s most favoured sons, teh prissy, purse-lipped-four eyedold woman. There is old Auntie Calder on the midday news, there he is again on You & Yours, yet again on Money Box and any time day or night when the talk turns, however vaguely, to travel (and who is travelling at the moment, apart from rubber boat fetishists?), on news programmes – you name it, there is the fey Mr C. holding forth.

Surely it is time that Calder, or the BBC itself, started training up an apprentice for when dear old Simon trades in his travel pass for his golden slippers.

Why does the BBC think only Calder is qualified to comment on travel matters and more importantly, why is Calder so vainglorious or greedy enough, to think he can take all the gigs?.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

41 thoughts on “Simon Calder”

  1. Can I just say, regarding the rubber boaters that 7 of the bastard things (including a kyack – but you can’t have your kyack and eat it) arrived in Dover yesterday, May 26th. Well, not exactly Dover – they were “escorted in to Dover” by the ever helpful coastguard. The BBC had no problem with that but the Dom C witch-hunt continues on Wireless 4 today.But back to Calder, the man who is to broadcasting what Lionel Blair is to oxycetaline welding.

    • Is that the Naval Coastguard? Or the RNLI? If the latter they’ve really shit out with getting anything from my wallet.

      • The RNLI, fine job that it does, is heavily over funded. There are a lot of people living the charity high life in that organisation.

      • The RNLI lost my supoort when I read about the £Millions of their donations they send overseas to UmBongo Land.

        Apparently there’s a big demand for Rubber Dinghys & swimming floats in the deserts of Africa

  2. What the hell is that. I’ve seen fatter skeletons. Someone appears to have been a naughty boy and sent to bed without any Adrenochrome.

    • He does look like someone dug up Josef Goebells corpse & put it in a Burton’s suit

  3. The BBC has to spend as much as possible as fast as possible.

    The other half has Victoria Derbyshire on this morning, I’ve retired to the garden.

    I managed to sit through white man racist segment x 2 but the white man is a rapist woman abuser segment pushed me over the edge.

  4. I quite like Simon as a writer and a bloke He’s ok So II will pass on this cunting as it’s not deserved 👍👍

    • I agree. Plus if he is the only person qualified then it’s only right he should be on everything. If he’s not the only one qualified, then it’s the broadcaster’s fault for always choosing him. What it isn’t is his fault.

    • I agree, unlike most cunts the BBC throw in front of the camera he does actually know his stuff.
      He was on several weeks ago and gave some very good advice when cunt companies were offering vouchers rather than a refund, Don’t Accept Them, get the money back it’s the law!

      • I agree he is alright. If someone offers you a half decent fee for an interview you can do standing on your cock then crack on.

  5. I shouldn’t care about this over privileged chardonnay swilling,Tuscany villa (Aston Villa reality) holidaying wanker too much. Nobody with a pulse rate over 3 BPM reads the Indescribablyboring anyway.
    Just another upper-middle class toss pot who’s been fortunate enough to know the right people to give him a gig pontificating about eating dates in Oman and Kazakh cheese fabricators.
    There is one useful purpose he can make to potential holidaymakers in that his column will list all the places globally infected with his chino wearing,pastel jersey-draped-over-the-shoulder, deck shoe shod ilk and therefore wisely avoided by the rest of us non gilded types.
    Shit on his witterings. Hello, good morning and bollocks.

  6. I remember when he ripped up his plane ticket from a BA flight many moons ago live on BBC 1 acting all smug. Not that he paid for the damn thing anyway (probably) but only took him about 6 months to fly with them again.
    I hope the trolley dolly pissed in his tea and shat in his sandwich.
    In all fairness he knows his stuff but totally agree he’s on tv and radio far far faaaaaar too much.
    I’ll do it for a lot less cash. Now where would I like to visit? 🤔

  7. Actually I’m more surprised that this is his first outing on here.

  8. My unrealistic optimism that R4 couldn’t possibly get any worse has long since been erased by the endless self-applauding girly chatter from wimminz-loaded discussion and, er, ‘comedy’ slots interspersed with hours of doomy covid-themed obsession and slanted news. Calder taking all the travel gigs? Part of a wider reluctance to encourage new talent and original thought, I’d say. A reluctance even to look for new token white males who won’t upset the young BAME-feminist audience to which the formerly authoritative voice of literate Britain is now required to defer. When Calder goes he will probably be replaced by a Nigerian-sourced woman, speaking pidgin-English wiv a lithp and no glo’ ‘als…and I doubt the decline will have ended even then, so be careful what you wish for.

    • Too true. Wireless 4 has me putting on the news at 12, I stay with the Shipping Forecast (a reminder of younger and happier days) then a quick click before the misery memoir starts (usually read by an American “woman of colour”, except this week they have Martin Jarvis hamming it up). There is so little I want to listen to now, and what there is has frequent trails for the effnic/wimmin/bender shows they are going to inflict later in the week.

  9. He has the look of an office Nark. Working his way up by telling tales on his colleagues.
    A very untrustworthy looking BBC Arse licker.

  10. It’s his enthusiasm for the subject that gets me. How can you grow up and experience all the different vicissitudes of modern living–all the strange wonderful spheres of interest there are, all the opportunities to throw yourself into something unique and thrilling and you choose to work finding out the cost of the cheapest package holiday for people.

    • His Colleagues should get him Pissed and force him to black up on one of his travel shows speaking in a Zimbabwe accent.
      I would think more highly of him then

  12. At least the cunt doesn’t bore everyone to death with “climate change” bollox like every other cunt on the bbc

  13. Spot on.

    This is the cunt who, just as corona was starting to hit the UK, announced that it was safe to travel anywhere in the world. Just keep your distance, don’t sneeze on anyone or be sneezed on, it will all be over soon. Lot of fuss about nothing. Big bargains to be had.

    How many booked and then to cancel a week later or got stranded due to this wanker. Did he apologise or retract? Of course not, he was soon back on the beeb spouting yet more stupid advice or stating the fecking obvious.

    Ugly git too.

  16. He’s not the kinda bloke you need to restart the economy after lock down is over. He is a penny pinching miser. You go on holiday to enjoy yourself and blow some money. Not travel with a living corpse.

  17. I keep seeing this and being a cunt myself i am thick as two short planks but what does &amp mean?

    • Fafpig, It is short for Ampersand. The world for that squiggly AND symbol &.

    • That was bothering me too. You see it quite often when just the symbol itself is intended. The reason appears to be that the symbol is a control character in HTML, which means that if you put a text file intending to use the symbol into an HTML editor the symbol is converted to “&amp”. This just prints the symbol on an HTML page, but prints “&amp” on other kinds of page. Or something like that.

      It’s a small but significant cunt.

  18. I actually met Simon a few months ago at Gatwick South Terminal whilst waiting for a client in the arrivals lounge. I bought myself a coffee at Costa and asked him if I could sit at his table as most seats were taken and he was on his own with a spare seat in front of him. I didn’t immediately recognise him, but then it clicked and I decided to start a conversation. He was actually incredibly friendly and was quite happy to banter for a while. I still think he is a bit of a smug cunt though, and in reality all his advice is nothing but common sense and logic. You really have to be a thick cunt if you can’t use Google and research and plan your own holiday destination and or make sense of the legal obligations of airlines, hotels or what have you. Whether you like him or not ,this beady eyed, grey haired cunt has firmly cemented his position in the travel sector niche and I’m afraid the cunt is here to stay.

  19. What if Costa had mischievously given you a truth serum instead of a coffee so that when you sat down instead of the niceties you revealed your true thoughts- ‘Hey Simon I think youre a bit of a smug cunt… in reality all your advice is nothing but common sense and logic. You really must think we’re thick cunts if you think we can’t use Google and research and plan your own holiday…’ And taking your leave- ‘you beady eyed, grey haired cunt…’

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