Instahags

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A nomination for Instahags

Hashtag, ‘hag’

Call them what you will; whores, hos, thots or if you’re a particular breed of soy-quaffing white knight/neckbeard cunt, ‘m’lady’.

Young women on social media, particularly Instagurn or Snapfap, who one day bleat about the patriarchy then another day snap themselves from a high angle to hide their chins and highlight their doughy cleavage. Most wear so much make-up they resemble a pierrot and their nails are those of fu manchu. Most take pictures of their derriere in leggings and they idolise Katy Perry, Rihanna, Beyonce or some twat from Love Island or TOWIE.
Books are a foreign concept and their dream in life is to ‘go viral’, even via Pornhub.
Vodka and, lately, gin are the tipples of choice. Throw in a chicken burger at 2 AM and you’ll get to see some nips or gash.

Prosecco is for special occassions, the Hen night of others… never theirs.

Most of them are wage slaves or on benefits and will never come close to owning anying beyond a smart phone and gucci slingbacks.

Fucking tragic little cunts.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

25 thoughts on “Instahags”

    • Im the same, not really sure what this is?
      Slags online or something?
      If so, im not opposed.

    • There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. And then there are instahags.

  2. Social media has caused the trollop-ization of society, and on You Tube there are even “men” (I use the word loosely) who give makeup tips, though they tend to call them “grooming”

    The interesting thing is male or female they are ugly bastards.

  3. Are we talking about those silly tarts who pout like a Puffa Fish when taking a ‘selfie’ and then post it?

    Not sure what all that bollocks is about – are they trying to show-off their blow-jobbery prowess through their pumped-up lips?

    • There are two classic poses: a “tits upwards” shot. This is favoured by chubsters who solely concentrate on their orange face.

      The alternative is one hand on a hip, one holding the phone, and pout like a sulking gold fish. This is favoured by ones who look like a Holôcaust victim after a free Superdrug make-over.

  4. The wife’s eighteen year old niece came to stay with us during a temporary workplace relocation.

    She’d only been with us a couple of weeks when she said, “I think your house is haunted by a poltergeist.”

    I said, “Dont be daft, there’s no such thing as ghosts.”

    She said, “But my underwear keeps disappearing after I put it in the laundry basket and yesterday when I walked past your bedroom, I saw two pairs of my dirty knickers under your bed.”

    I said “Yeah….poltergeist, you’re probably right”….

    • I bet it’s the same one my sister-in-law complained about the other year when she dropped her cases off at ours before going on holiday the next day; right old game, ectoplasm all over her bikinis and knickers – terrifying it was

  5. Apart from IsAC I have no t’interweb presence on anything.

    And I feel bloody blessed because of it!

  6. An almost excellent cunting, BUT, you missed out THE most important hallmark of these narcissistic Nadir’s of class and good taste……

    I refer to that fucking annoying, piss boiling, aneurysm triggering, pulsating vein in the forehead causing, fucking….. brain exploding, SELFIE POUT.

    I think I can say without fear of contradiction, that SELFIE POUT is worthy of a 5-star, Iron Cross 1st Class, gold standard, order of Lenin, knight of the garter CUNTING.

    Seeing those self-obsessed scheissenhunds picture in the tabloids, with their overmade&up eyes & magic marker eyebrows, staring into their fucking PHONES, always a fucking PHONE, a cuprinol fake tanned fizzog, with a pair of pink smeared suction cup shaped pouting lips in fake kissy-kissy aren’t-I-wonderful, give me the urge to SCREAAAAAAAAMMMMM at them to FUCK OFF & then nuke the newspapers that keep foisting these vacuous look at me, Me, MEEEEEE CUNTS IN OUR FACES.
    The biggest joke about all of these identical “individuals”, is they ALL without exception think they’re unique.

    Not only are they not unique, they ARE ALL CUNTS and anyone who doesn’t agree, can fuck off and have humbugs cunting their winterval. PAH!!!!

  7. Off topic…
    —-

    Oh fuck no.

    I was doing a wee bit of Amazoning for Xmas (just in case any of my purchases attracted a Black – ooh waycist – Friday discount, yes I am a cheap cunt) because I hate shopping in centres like the soulless MetroCentre!

    So I’m clicking about and Amazon “recommends” a new song by useful idiot Stormzy “featuring” the Ginger Gremlin!

    I mean what the fuck has 25yr old Calvados, Clarens “You’ll be fucking lucky!” Beauty Creme, a surge protected 4-way adapter, and various other middle-aged purchases got to do with a grime artist and a cunt!?!

    For those cunters who are avid fans of the Grief-fell beat it’s called: “Own It”.

    However a more fitting title would surely be: “Nick it! Den own it! In’it!”

    Cunts!

    • Are you sure you weren’t embellishing the reality for anything after “Oh fuck no.

      I was doing a wee”

  8. I find it wierd the way this #Metoo era of women that are ‘offended’ by so much as a glance or compliment are desperate to appear on instagram with their tits/arse/pout on show and just love all the wow/hottie/stunning comments. Even the older tv presenter types.
    Explain anyone?

    • As you say, fucking confusing.
      The ubiquitous selfie (attempts to) screams “Look at me! I’m beautiful” , while any, albeit misguided, compliment to the hoofer gets rewarded with a can of mace and shouts of “rapist!!”

      #fuckoffslags

    • The selfy doesn’t look anywhere near as assured in the back of Ashraf’s Prius Taxi.

      It looks more like: “Help! I’ve been abducted and the rohypnol is kicking in!”

      …which got 40 likes.

      “Every cloud” and all that.

      🤡🤡🤡

      • My favourite was that Korean bird on Beachy Head a few years back who wanted to get a selfie of her jumping in the air. What happened? She fell off.

        Hoo-ee, what a vain cunt.

      • ‘Here lies ho chi minh she challenged gravity and lost
        May she rest in pieces’
        RIP moron

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